“You people are all idiots. I’m sorry, but that’s the only conclusion that I can come to. If you were intelligent, then Fearless Leader wouldn’t feel the need to explain things to all of you like you were children.” -Skippy
“Trade is an important subject here at Caterpillar, and the reason why is because a lot of the product you make here, you sell to somebody else, sell overseas to another country. That's trade.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 30, 2007
“See? That’s how you’d explain the ins and outs of international commerce to a kindergartener. If you people weren’t all so dumb Fearless Leader wouldn’t need to talk down to you like that.” -Skippy
“Now, in order to export something, somebody has to make it. In other words, when I talk about numbers, behind the numbers is people who are providing the service and/or making the product.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 30, 2007
“Fearless Leader is clear and concise because he can’t use any fancy words with you people. Take this for example..” -Skippy
“I want to spend some time explaining that to the American people why competition is important.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 30, 2007
“You probably don’t think that that sentence makes any sense grammatically. You probably just don’t understand Higher English. Just like there are more complicated forms of mathematics like algebra and calculus, there are also higher forms of the English language. Unfortunately Fearless Leader is the only man sufficiently advanced to speak the language. That’s probably why he tries to make his conversations so simple. He’s afraid that if he speaks to the best of his ability you won’t be able to understand him. Idiots.” -Skippy
“Caterpillar has great workers because it has got good training programs. Caterpillar can employ new people because it makes good product that people want.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 30, 2007
“You see, while ‘makes good product’ may seem like bad grammar, it is actually perfectly acceptable when speaking Higher English. Fearless Leader is a genius, and you people are all idiots. You are probably the reason why things like this..” -Skippy
“The U.S. military said two soldiers and a Marine were killed on Tuesday in Anbar, a restive western province where they are battling a Sunni Arab insurgency. Bombers and gunmen killed 40 people in attacks on Shi'ite worshippers on Tuesday and a Sunni district of Baghdad came under attack from mortars that killed at least 17 people. The deaths on the final day of the annual week-long Ashura ritual, highpoint of the Shi'ite religious calendar, underlined widespread concerns about Iraq sliding into sectarian civil war. On Wednesday, a suspected suicide bomber rammed a fuel truck into the main gate of an Iraqi army base in Miqdadiya, northeast of Baghdad, wounding at least nine people, an army source said. Tens of thousands of Iraqis have been killed in sectarian bloodshed between Shi'ites and Sunnis since an attack on a Shi'ite mosque in Samarra in February 2006.” -Reuters
“…happen. I mean, if you were all just smarter you’d have been able to follow Fearless Leader’s strategy for victory in Iraq. He’s tried to make it simple for you. He’s kept his entire strategy for victory down to three little letters to try to make it easier for you.. W. I. N. If you can’t even do that then I’m afraid that you are just hopeless. I’m sorry, the fault must lie with you, because Fearless Leader is a genius.” -Skippy
“These are new eras and it's exciting times.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 30, 2007
“The governor of Najaf province said Iraqi troops fought a day-long battle with up to 200 Sunni gunmen, including foreign fighters, holed up in orchards on the northern outskirts of the city, seat of Iraq's most powerful Shi'ite clerics. Governor Asaad Abu Gilel told Reuters the authorities had uncovered a plot to kill some of the clerics on Monday, to coincide with the climax of Ashura.” -Reuters, January 28, 2007 “200 Sunni gunmen and foreign fighters? Al Qaeda! They are trying to stir up a civil war between the Shiites and the Sunni! “ -Skippy
“Col. Ali Nomas, spokesman for the Najaf security forces, said the militant force could have numbered as many as 2,000, based on intercepts of radio communications between the fighters. He said more than 250 corpses had been recovered, but the number could not be independently confirmed.” -Chicago Tribune, January 29, 2007
“Apparently this was a slightly larger fight than first reported. No big deal..” -Skippy
“The leader of an Iraqi cult who claimed to be the Mahdi, a messiah-like figure in Islam, was killed in a battle on Sunday near Najaf with hundreds of his followers, Iraq's national security minister said on Monday. Women and children who joined 600-700 of his ‘Soldiers of Heaven’ on the outskirts of the Shi'ite holy city may be among the casualties, Shirwan al-Waeli told Reuters. All those people not killed were in detention, many of them wounded. […] But Sunday's battle involved a group of a different sort, a cult which Iraqi officials said included both Sunni and Shi'ite Muslims as well as foreigners.” -Reuters, January 29, 2007
“A cult including both Sunni and Shiite Muslims awaiting the Imam Mahdi? Somehow I’m not seeing that. The Sunni do not believe in the coming of the Imam Mahdi, so their working with a fanatical Shiite group waiting for him would be.. unusual.. to say the least. Still, this is apparently just an odd cult group. Kind of like Waco, but in Iraq. The Iraqi military should be able to handle some obscure renegade militia.” -Skippy
“Iraqi forces were surprised and nearly overwhelmed by the ferocity of an obscure renegade militia in a weekend battle near the holy city of Najaf and needed far more help from American forces than previously disclosed, American and Iraqi officials said Monday. They said American ground troops — and not just air support as reported Sunday — were mobilized to help the Iraqi soldiers, who appeared to have dangerously underestimated the strength of the militia, which calls itself the Soldiers of Heaven and had amassed hundreds of heavily armed fighters.” -New York Times, January 30, 2007
“Apparently not.. An obscure renegade militia just handed the Iraqi Army it’s ass. It sure is a good thing that American troops and air support were available.” -Skippy
“The battle also brought into focus the reality that some of the power struggles in Iraq are among Shiites, not just between Shiites and Sunnis. The Soldiers of Heaven is considered to be at least partly or wholly run by Shiites.” -New York Times, January 30, 2007
“Oh.. and the ‘Sunni’ thing reported back on the 28th.. Not so much. Nope, this was at least primarily a Shiite cult getting ready to attack Shiite pilgrims in one of the holiest Shiite cities during a religious holiday. Don’t you love having our troops trapped in the middle of a civil war?” -Skippy
“American Apache attack helicopters and F-16s, as well as British fighter jets, flew low over the farms where the enemy had set up its encampments and attacked, dropping 500-pound bombs on the encampments. The Iraqi forces were still unable to advance, and they called in support from both an elite Iraqi unit known as the Scorpion Brigade, which is based to the north in Hilla, and from American ground troops.” -New York Times, January 30, 2007 “It ended the old-fashioned way though.. We dropped 550-pound bombs on a compound filled with women and children. All’s well that ends well.” -Skippy
“The US military were largely quiet about the operation, during which two American soldiers lost their lives when a helicopter was brought down. The US handed responsibility for security in Najaf province to Iraqi forces last month.” -The Guardian (UK), January 30, 2007 “Yep.. As the Iraqi forces stand up we will stand down. We’ll be out of Iraq in no time. Nothing to see here. ” -Skippy
“My sense of it is that what’s happened here now over the last few weeks is that the president has shored up his position with the speech he made a couple of weeks ago, specifically on Iraq. And I think the speech, frankly Tuesday night, the State of the Union address was one of his best. I think there’s been a very positive reaction of people who saw the speech. And I think to some extent that’s helped shore us up inside the party on the Hill.” -Vice President Dick Cheney, January 25, 2007 “That must have been one heck of a State of the Union speech. I watched it, but I apparently didn’t appreciate it on enough levels. I mean, going into it, after that first speech that Cheney mentioned, things were looking pretty bleak for Fearless Leader.” -Skippy
“President Bush’s address to the nation last week failed to move public opinion in support of his plan to increase U.S. troop levels in Iraq and left Americans more pessimistic about the likely outcome of the war.” -USA Today, January 15, 2007-01-29
“The findings of the survey, conducted after Bush’s primetime speech, represent an initial rebuke to the White House goal of generating additional public support for the mission in Iraq. The poll found that 61 percent of Americans oppose sending more than 20,000 additional troops to Iraq, with 52 percent saying they strongly oppose the plan. Just 36 percent said they back the president’s new proposal.” -Washington Post, January 11, 2007
“Americans were not swayed very much by President Bush’s speech Wednesday night outlining his new strategy for the war in Iraq, according to a CBS News poll.” -CBS News, January 11, 2007
“If he has shored up his position, then it must all have been due to that incredible State of the Union address. Wow.. People must have seen a lot more in that speech than I did.” -Skippy
“President Bush's approval rating is at an all-time low of 30 percent after his State of the Union speech last week, a Newsweek magazine poll found. That compares with 31 percent who approved of the president's job performance in Newsweek's poll the week before. The new poll also found that 58 percent of respondents said they ‘personally wish’ Bush's presidency was over, and 53 percent said they think history will see him as a below-average president. Bush's decisions about policy in Iraq and other areas are influenced more by his personal beliefs than the facts, according to 67 percent of those polled. The poll, scheduled for publication in the magazine's Feb. 5 edition, was based on interviews of 1,003 adults on Thursday and Friday.” -Bloomberg News, January 27, 2006
“President Bush, battered by the war in Iraq, has become one of the least-popular presidents in the country's history, new polls reveal. According to a CBS News poll, his approval rating is down to a paltry 28 percent. Newsweek's survey gives him a slightly better 30 percent and the latest Gallup Poll says 31 percent of Americans approve of the way he's doing his job. Not since Jimmy Carter and the Iran hostage crisis, or Richard Nixon and the Watergate scandal, has a modern president gotten such dismal numbers. Carter's approval rating at his lowest point in the polls was 26 percent, according to CBS. Nixon's was 24 percent, according to Gallup. The Nixon poll was conducted in August 1974, just days before he became the only president to resign from office. Bush is so unpopular that more than half the country wishes he would leave office now. The explosive Newsweek survey, released yesterday, says 58 percent of Americans would be happy to see him step down immediately.” -New York Post, January 27, 2007
“Well, you really have to go back to Vietnam and Watergate to find presidential speeches on television that didn’t give the President at least a little bump in the polls. Let me give you an example here. In the middle of the Monica Lewinsky scandal, Bill Clinton went on television to give his State of the Union address. Even in the midst of that scandal, Mr. Clinton went up 16 points in the polls. Going on prime time TV and nothing changes, that is fairly extraordinary, Katie.” -Bob Schieffer, January 11, 2007 “That can’t be right.. I mean, if Fearless Leader was that unpopular you’d thing that Vice-Leader Cheney would know about it. He wouldn’t lie to us. The Big Dick has always been so honest before.” -Skippy
“With respect to 9/11, of course, we’ve had the story that’s been public out there. The Czechs alleged that Mohamed Atta, the lead attacker, met in Prague with a senior Iraqi intelligence official five months before the attack.” -Dick Cheney, September 14, 2003
“Well, what we now have that's developed since you and I last talked, Tim, of course, was that report that -- it's been pretty well confirmed that he did go to Prague and he did meet with a senior official of the Iraqi intelligence service in Czechoslovakia last April, several months before the attack. Now, what the purpose of that was, what transpired between them, we simply don't know at this point, but that's clearly an avenue that we want to pursue.” -Dick Cheney, December 9, 2001
“Borger: ‘Well, let's go to Mohamed Atta for a minute, because you mentioned him as well. You have said in the past that it was, quote, ‘pretty well confirmed.’ ‘ Cheney: ‘No, I never said that.’ Borger: ‘Okay.' Cheney: ‘Never said that.’ Borger: ‘I think that is . . . ‘ Cheney: ‘Absolutely not. What I said was the Czech intelligence service reported after 9/11 that Atta had been in Prague on April 9th of 2001, where he allegedly met with an Iraqi intelligence official. We have never been able to confirm that nor have we been able to knock it down.’” -Dick Cheney Interview with Gloria Borger, June 17, 2004
“And for those of you keeping track at home.. At the start of Bill Clinton’s seventh year in office (you know, after the Monica Lewinsky lovin’) he was at 65% in the polls. I’m beginning to thing that Vice-Leader Cheney is somewhat deluded.” -Skippy
“The President and I cannot prevent certain politicians from losing their memory, or their backbone – but we’re not going to sit by and let them rewrite history. We’re going to continue throwing their own words back at them.” -Dick Cheney, November 16, 2005
"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!" -Homer J. Simpson
“The Bush administration has authorized the U.S. military to kill or capture Iranian operatives inside Iraq as part of an aggressive new strategy to weaken Tehran's influence across the Middle East and compel it to give up its nuclear program, according to government and counterterrorism officials with direct knowledge of the effort.” -Washington Post, January 26, 2007 “Bond.. James Bond.” -James Bond
“Good news! Our troops not have a license to kill Iranians. Well… It does say that they can’t shoot civilians or diplomats, but anyone else is fair game. You know, I would have thought that they already had the right to shoot people who were shooting at them, and if they aren’t being shot at, couldn’t they just capture any Iranian operatives? Also, shouldn’t the Iraqi’s have some input in this? I mean, we are in their country after all.. By the way, how do we tell the Iranians that we can shoot from the Iraqis that we aren’t supposed to?” -Skippy
“For more than a year, U.S. forces in Iraq have secretly detained dozens of suspected Iranian agents, holding them for three to four days at a time. The ‘catch and release’ policy was designed to avoid escalating tensions with Iran and yet intimidate its emissaries. U.S. forces collected DNA samples from some of the Iranians without their knowledge, subjected others to retina scans, and fingerprinted and photographed all of them before letting them go.” -Washington Post, January 26, 2007 “They was taking plaster tire tracks, foot prints, dog smelling prints, and they took twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of the approach, the getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not to mention the aerial photography.” -Arlo Guthrie, “Alice’s Restaurant”
“Ah! We are using DNA and retina scans! Impressive. Now we just have to do DNA tests and retinal scans on everyone in Iraq as a comparison and we’ll be ready.” -Skippy “Well, only one in two million people has what we call the ‘evil gene’. Hitler had it, Walt Disney had it, and Freddy Quimby has it.” -Dr. Hibbard, The Simpsons
“Last summer, however, senior administration officials decided that a more confrontational approach was necessary, as Iran's regional influence grew and U.S. efforts to isolate Tehran appeared to be failing. The country's nuclear work was advancing, U.S. allies were resisting robust sanctions against the Tehran government, and Iran was aggravating sectarian violence in Iraq.” -Washington Post, January 26, 2007
“Time to kick it up a notch! Let’s go after some Iranians. I mean, remember what they did to us almost 30 years ago! No? Neither do the vast majority of our troops stationed in Iraq. They hadn't been born yet at the time." -Skippy
“But, for three years, the Iranians have operated an embedding program there, offering operational training, intelligence and weaponry to several Shiite militias connected to the Iraqi government, to the insurgency and to the violence against Sunni factions. Gen. Michael V. Hayden, the director of the CIA, told the Senate recently that the amount of Iranian-supplied materiel used against U.S. troops in Iraq ‘has been quite striking.’" -Washington Post, January 26, 2007
“Um.. Correct me if I am wrong, but that just accused the Iranians of supporting the Iraqi government (at least the Shiite factions)? Aren’t we doing that too? Still, the Iranian supplied materials used against us have been striking. I’m sure that the amount of U.S .produced materials used against our troops would be even more striking. After all, we are arming those same government-backed militias. That comment was made by the same General Hayden who kicked off Fearless Leader’s illegal wiretapping program, so you know he’s all about honesty.” -Skippy
“Gen. Michael V. Hayden, who led the National Security Agency when it began a program of warrantless wiretaps, vigorously defended the program today, but acknowledged that it depends on a lower standard of evidence than required by courts. ‘The trigger is quicker and a bit softer,’ said General Hayden, an Air Force officer who is now the principal deputy director of the new national intelligence agency. […] The standard laid out by General Hayden - a ‘reasonable basis to believe’ - is lower than ‘probably cause,’ the standard used by the special court created by Congress to handle surveillance involving foreign intelligence. Mr. Hayden said that warrantless searches were conducted when one of a ‘handful’ of senior officers at the security agency determined that there was a ‘reasonable belief’ that one party to a call between someone in America and someone overseas had a link to Al Qaeda.” -New York Times, January 23, 2006
“This is all overblown though.. We are just trying to counter Iran in Iraq in order to bring stability.” -Skippy
“The administration's plans contain five ‘theaters of interest,’ as one senior official put it, with military, intelligence, political and diplomatic strategies designed to target Iranian interests across the Middle East. The White House has authorized a widening of what is known inside the intelligence community as the ‘Blue Game Matrix’ -- a list of approved operations that can be carried out against the Iranian-backed Hezbollah in Lebanon. And U.S. officials are preparing international sanctions against Tehran for holding several dozen al-Qaeda fighters who fled across the Afghan border in late 2001. They plan more aggressive moves to disrupt Tehran's funding of the radical Palestinian group Hamas and to undermine Iranian interests among Shiites in western Afghanistan.” -Washington Post, January 26, 2007
“Wow.. I guess that we are going to fight Iran in Iraq, Lebanon and Palestine. Yep, nothing will settle the Middle East down faster than more U.S. involvement.” -Skippy
“Senior administration officials said the policy is based on the theory that Tehran will back down from its nuclear ambitions if the United States hits it hard in Iraq and elsewhere, creating a sense of vulnerability among Iranian leaders. But if Iran responds with escalation, it has the means to put U.S. citizens and national interests at greater risk in Iraq, Afghanistan and elsewhere.”
-Washington Post, January 26, 2007
“But that won’t happen because Fearless Leader says so. Nothing to see here. Move on.” -Skippy
“A senior intelligence officer was more wary of the ambitions of the strategy. ‘This has little to do with Iraq. It's all about pushing Iran's buttons. It is purely political,’ the official said. The official expressed similar views about other new efforts aimed at Iran, suggesting that the United States is escalating toward an unnecessary conflict to shift attention away from Iraq and to blame Iran for the United States' increasing inability to stanch the violence there.” -Washington Post, January 26, 2007
“But politics have nothing to do with this! Stupid senior intelligence official. Fearless Leader is blunt about that. Politics have nothing to do with how he deals with war.” -Skippy
"I learned some good lessons from Vietnam. First, there must be a clear mission. Secondly, the politics ought to stay out of fighting a war. There was too much politics during the Vietnam War. There was too much concern in the White House about political standing.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, March 13, 2002
“The people don't want me making decisions based upon politics. They want me to make decisions based upon the recommendation from our generals on the ground. And that's exactly who I'll be listening to.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, November 29, 2005
“Except of course that he is currently ignoring the recommendations of his generals. Still, if they can just keep this anti-Iranian thing low-key we might just be able to keep this from becoming a total disaster.” -Skippy
“In interviews, two senior administration officials separately compared the Tehran government to the Nazis and the Guard to the ‘SS.’ They also referred to Guard members as ‘terrorists.’ Such a formal designation could turn Iran's military into a target of what Bush calls a ‘war on terror,’ with its members potentially held as enemy combatants or in secret CIA detention.” -Washington Post, January 26, 2007
“Does anyone else out there remember that secret CIA detention is, by definition, a violation of the Geneva conventions and thus unconstitutional? Sigh… Another day, another fiasco.” -Skippy
“I give up. I wanted to talk about the State of the Union, but it just wasn’t that fun. It was a professional speech and lacked that off-the-cuff manner for which Fearless Leader is so well known. Luckily yesterday he followed it up by speaking to DuPont.” -Skippy
“One, dependence on oil provides an economic and national security risk, a problem that this country better start dealing with in a serious fashion now, before it becomes acute. And second, we've got to be wise stewards of the environment, and dependency on oil makes it harder to be wise stewards of the environment.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 25, 2007
“Please remember this point: We need to have energy independence in order to help the environment. Oh, and that dependence on oil is a national security risk. By Fearless Leader’s logic that means he doesn’t need to listen to Congress about energy because the President’s job automatically allows him to do what he needs to do to fight national security risks.” -Skippy
“Secondly, if you're dependent on oil overseas, it means that -- and a hostile regime, a regime hostile to the United States produces that oil, you become vulnerable to the activity of a hostile regime. In other words, somebody doesn't like us, they produce the oil, they decide to do something about it, they can affect us. That's -- when I talk about the national security risks, that's what I mean. In other words, you don't want your President sitting in the Oval Office worried about the activities of a hostile regime that could have all kinds of impacts on our security, starting with economic security.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 25, 2007
“Yes. Energy dependence = terrorism, and my biggest concern is that I don’t want Fearless Leader to sit around worrying.” -Skippy
“Dependence on oil, as well, means that if a terrorist were able to destroy infrastructure somewhere else in the world, it's going to affect what you pay for at the gasoline pump. In other words, as we learned, the terrorists attacked us in brutal ways; they attacked us by flying airplanes into our buildings.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 25, 2007 “Yes! They could destroy a pipeline, and that would raise the price of gasoline. I’m terrified already. Exactly like 9/11.” -Skippy
“Let me just share a couple of things that we're doing. One, we're spending a lot of your money on clean coal technology. The reason why is we've got a lot of coal.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 25, 2007
“Clean coal technology.. Because energy independence is needed to help the environment, and nothing is better for the environment than coal mining.” -Skippy
“Just a couple of things that are happening that are interesting: One, we began a hydrogen initiative that -- where a lot of smart folks are beginning to research whether or not we can power automobiles by hydrogen. We think it's possible. But it's not going to be possible until I'm 75, which is probably 15 years from now.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 25, 2007
“He isn’t sure?” -Skippy
“However, there is a constraint, and that is, the ethanol use today comes from corn, and we've got hog growers and chicken growers that need corn to feed their animals. And therefore, it's going to be kind of a strain, at some point in time, on the capacity for us to have enough ethanol to be able to make us less dependent on oil. So what you're doing at DuPont becomes vital, and that is cellulosic research.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 25, 2007
“Yep, asking a chemical company to develop more intensive fertilizers and pesticides to help us mass-produce more corn is what we can do to help the environment.” -Skippy
“And we need to be thankful as a nation for companies like DuPont who are spending shareholders' money to make sure this country becomes less dependent on oil and better stewards of the environment.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 25, 2007
“Thank God for shareholders. They’re kind of like little angels. I am happy that we can give them grants to do this research, because they would probably go broke doing good deeds like this otherwise.” -Skippy
“As I said, I do believe, strongly believe, there's a role for government; one, spending money directly.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 25, 2007
“Yes. I believe that.” -Skippy
“I mentioned $2.7 billion for our '08 request from Congress -- monies which, by the way, get joint-ventured with initiatives, for example, that take place here in DuPont. Secondly, I strongly believe that -- and, by the way, in the farm bill, request in the farm bill, we're going to put $1.6 billion over 10 years to continue this kind of research, as well. But I also strongly believe in the research and development tax credit. I believe the tax code should provide incentives. And one incentive that makes a lot of sense for this country is to incent you to continue to invest your money on research and development. “ -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 25, 2007
“Yep, we’re going to give a ton of money to major corporations like DuPont so that they can develop new chemicals that they can patent and make money from. If we didn’t give them all this money they would probably never even try to do new research. We have to help our MegaCorporations. If we don’t then the terrorists have already won.” -Skippy
“Something that the American people don't know about is that during my administration, we changed the CAFE standard for trucks. And basically, we said we're going to take the weight of each type of truck and set a fuel standard specific to weight. It's a little hard to explain, except for it has achieved a lot of conservation efficiencies. We need to do the same thing for cars.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 25, 2007
“Yep, the larger, heavier vehicles have a lower standard and the smaller, lighter ones have a higher standard. And that is good for conservation. I’m following you.” -Skippy
“If you have an overall fleet CAFE standard, what ends up happening is, is that the bigger cars have lower gas mileages than they could otherwise, and the little cars have high gas mileages, which reduces the safety in the automobiles. And so we believe that if you make -- set CAFE standards based upon weight, it will help meet consumer demand and makes better science. As a matter of fact, this is an idea we got from the National Academy of Science.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 25, 2007
“Um.. I thought that this was good a minute ago? Aren’t bigger cars heavier cars? And smaller ones are lighter? Wouldn’t basing the efficiency on weight the same as basing it on size for the most part? I’m not sure I’m following this. He seems to be saying that what he has done is bad.” -Skippy
“And if a terrorist threat -- if terrorism is a threat to the supply of -- our energy supply, then I believe it makes sense to address that terrorist threat by doubling the size of the Strategic Petroleum Reserve, so that, rather than 750 million gallons of crude oil in storage in case there's a disruption based upon a terrorist threat, there's a billion-five. In other words, if we're saying dependence on oil creates a terrorist threat, let's do something about it now.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 25, 2007
“Remember.. A terrorist threat is a threat to our energy supply, and the only way we can combat that is to buy lots and lots of gasoline right now (driving the cost up) from the very nations that are currently backing insurgent factions in the Middle East. And the increased price at the pump we will pay because of you inflating the demand for oil is different from the whole ‘terrorist blows up a pipeline’ kind of price increases we were so worried about earlier. Bravo sir, bravo.” -Skippy
“Yesterday was, of course, the annual State of the Union address.” -Skippy
“Fellow citizens, we are in this fight to win, and we are winning.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, State of the Union Address, January 31, 2006
“President Bush acknowledged for the first time yesterday that the United States is not winning the war in Iraq and said he plans to expand the overall size of the ‘stressed’ U.S. armed forces to meet the challenges of a long-term global struggle against terrorists.” -Washington Post, December 20, 2006 “The road of victory is the road that will take our troops home. As we make progress on the ground, and Iraqi forces increasingly take the lead, we should be able to further decrease our troop levels---but those decisions will be made by our military commanders, not by politicians in Washington, D.C.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, State of the Union Address, January 31, 2006
“The Bush administration is split over the idea of a surge in troops to Iraq, with White House officials aggressively promoting the concept over the unanimous disagreement of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, according to U.S. officials familiar with the intense debate.” -Washington Post, December 19, 2006
“Oops.. Those were from last year’s State of the Union and a few stray news articles... My mistake.” -Skippy
“Victory means exit strategy, and it's important for the president to explain to us what the exit strategy is.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, April 9, 1999
“I'm worried about over committing our military around the world. I want to be judicious in its use. You mentioned Haiti. I wouldn't have sent troops to Haiti. I didn't think it was a mission worthwhile. It was a nation building mission. And it was not very successful. It cost us a couple billions of dollars and I'm not sure democracy is any better off in Haiti than it was before.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, October 12, 2000
“Dang it! Wrong time period again. Fearless Leader wasn’t even President when he said those.” -Skippy
“Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald used his opening statement in the CIA leak trial Tuesday to allege that Vice President Dick Cheney's chief of staff lied and destroyed a note showing Cheney's early involvement.” -MSNBC, January 23, 2007
“Gosh darn it! That wasn’t even about the State of the Union.. That was just the start of Scooter Libby’s trial yesterday. I give up. Maybe we’ll try this again tomorrow.” -SKippy
“You know what helps a good State of the Union address? A good war. You know, the proud patriotic statements, the triumphs, the rockets red glare. That kind of stuff. Unfortunately Iraq isn’t working out so well. Still, we need SOMETHING to work with, so maybe a threat of war will do..” -Skippy
“As if the Bush Administration didn't have a sufficiently tough challenge in securing Iraq in the face of insurgency and sectarian conflict, it has now added curbing Iran to its to-do list. Last week's raid in the Kurdish city of Erbil on a building claimed by Iran and the Kurds as a consular facility that saw the arrest of five Iranian officials signaled the onset of an aggressive push-back against Iranian influence in Iraq. And it's not only the Iranians that are unhappy about the new development. President Bush's speech outlining a new approach to Iraq warned that it could not be stabilized without ‘addressing’ Iran. But his plans to move aircraft carriers and missile defense batteries into the region signaled that by ‘address’ he wasn't envisaging the sort of diplomatic engagement advocated by the Iraq Study Group. Bush and other officials have amplified their denunciations of Iranian ‘meddling’ in Iraq, and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice indicated that the President had signed an order authorizing a broad military campaign against Iranian networks operating inside Iraq. In an interview with TIME, Rice even said that she could not rule out the possibility that U.S. troops might cross the Iraq border into Iran in pursuit of Iranians suspected of moving weapons to Iraqi militias.” -Time Magazine (Online), January 16, 22, 2007
“So Iran wants to throw down, eh? They’ve looking for a fight and we are just the kind of country to give it to them. There is no other way. Iran has been a serious problem and they will not listen to reason. They won’t negotiate and they are in the Axis of Evil. They are irrational monsters and must be stopped.” -Skippy
“An Iranian offer to help the United States stabilize Iraq and end its military support for Hezbollah and Hamas was rejected by Vice-President Dick Cheney in 2003, a former top State Department official told the British Broadcasting Corp. The State Department was open to the offer, which came in an unsigned letter sent shortly after the U.S. invasion of Iraq, Lawrence Wilkerson, former secretary of state Colin Powell's chief of staff, told BBC's Newsnight in a program broadcast Wednesday night. But, Mr. Wilkerson said, Mr. Cheney vetoed the deal. ‘We thought it was a very propitious moment’ to strike a deal, Mr. Wilkerson said. ‘But as soon as it got to the White House, and as soon as it got to the Vice-President's office, the old mantra of 'We don't talk to evil' . . . reasserted itself.’” -Associated Press, January 19, 2007
“Never mind that! Don’t listen to the stories that portray Iran as ‘rational’ or possibly ‘human’. Not true! And the Administration loves peace, so you know that if an actual offer to negotiate had come up back in 2003 Big Dick wouldn’t have turned it down. Iran is a threat to America and must be stopped right after we finish liberating Iraq. Maybe we won’t have to invade them. Maybe we can just bomb them until they give up. Shock and awe them a little. It worked in Iraq, right?” -Skippy
“Elements of the USS John C. Stennis Carrier Strike Group began deployment to the Persian Gulf to assist the USS Eisenhower Strike Group already positioned there. The nuclear-powered aircraft carrier left its homeport in Bremerton, Wash., on Jan. 16 and made a stop in San Diego to join with the guided missile cruiser USS Antietam and the guided missile destroyer USS Preble. The fleet departed San Diego on Jan. 20 and will be joined by guided missile destroyers USS O'Kane and USS Paul Hamilton in transit, according to a report from Navy Newsstand.” -UPI, January 22, 2007
“Huh.. I’m sure that this is just part of the ‘surge’ that Fearless Leader is working on and not part of the work being done gearing up to attack Iran. I’m not really sure how jet fighters and guided missiles work in what is essentially a police action in Iraq (I mean, we are patrolling inside of civilian centers.. I’m not sure how guided missiles can be used in that context), but I’m sure that they are needed.” -Skippy
“Iran conducted missile tests Monday as its leadership stepped up warnings of a possible military confrontation with the U.S. In another show of defiance, Tehran said it had barred 38 United Nations nuclear inspectors from entering the country, apparently in retaliation for a U.N. Security Council resolution last month imposing limited sanctions on Iran. […] Over the past few days, Iran's hardline newspapers have threatened suicide attacks against American targets and claimed missiles fired from Iran would turn Israel into ‘a scorching hell’ if the U.S. takes military action.” -New York times, January 23, 2007
“Well that is it then. They are testing their defenses and their hardline newspapers are threatening us. We need to attack. I mean, we all know that the press speaks for the government, right?” -Skippy
“It is perfectly safe to say all terrorists are Muslims. All of them. If it was not for the religion of Islam, this world would be a much, much, much more peaceful place today. If it were not for the religion of Islam, there would be many thousands, maybe tens, maybe hundreds of thousands of people alive today living peaceful, happy, and fulfilled lives than there are. Agony, misery, death is occurring all over this world, brought to us by the wonderful, peaceful religion of Islam.” -Neal Boortz, The Neal Boortz Show, August 10, 2006
“Oddly enough, until this point I was unaware that Timothy McVeigh was a Muslim. Apparently he must have been.” -Skippy
“They are very depressed by the weakness that America is showing to these psychotics in the Muslim world. They say, ‘Oh, there's a billion of them.’ I said, ‘So, kill 100 million of them, then there'll be 900 million of them.’ I mean, would you rather die -- would you rather us die than them? I mean, what is it going to take for you people to wake up? Would you rather we disappear or we die? Or would you rather they disappear and they die? Because you're going to have to make that choice sooner rather than later. -Michael Savage, The Savage Nation radio show, April 17, 2006
“Yep, we need to invade a third country under this administration. Iran is far too irrational to trust. They are crazy, and trust me, we know crazy.” -Skippy
“Congressional Democrats, under the leadership of newly installed House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, swiftly gutted a major portion of the energy policy created in large part by New Mexico's senior senator, Republican Pete Domenici. Democrats in the House, including U.S. Rep. Tom Udall, D-N.M., rolled back $14 billion in tax breaks and subsidies for oil companies and announced plans to spend that money on renewable energy programs.” -The New Mexican, January 21, 2007
“Dang Democrats! They will get in the way of Fearless Leader’s master plan for energy independence. They must be stopped.” -Skippy
“A year after warning America of its addiction to oil, President Bush is expected to renew concerns about energy security in his State of the Union address. But will the rhetoric be followed by action? Up to now, the record has been mixed. […] The Bush administration has opened new federal lands for oil and gas drilling. Last month, Congress approved opening a large new area in the Gulf of Mexico to drilling. This month, Bush lifted a longtime ban on oil and gas drilling in Alaska's Bristol Bay. But when it comes to weaning the country away from oil, the president's critics say his rhetoric has not been matched by action. ‘President Bush actually cut funding for the key energy-saving technologies,’ says Joseph Romm, a former head of the renewable fuels and efficiency programs at the Energy Department during the Clinton administration. The department's requests for renewable fuel and conservation programs have stayed flat at about $1.18 billion annually over the past six years — really a decline if inflation is considered, energy efficiency advocates say. ‘Since 2002, the energy efficiency programs at the Energy Department have dropped by a third in real dollars,’ says Kateri Callahan, president of the Alliance to Safe Energy, a private advocacy group. When one program is increased, others have suffered, these critics maintain. […] Samuel Bodman says the administration over the years has spent nearly $12 billion in developing new energy technologies. He cited the president's $2.1 billion ‘advanced energy initiative’ in the State of the Union a year ago. But most of that program goes for nuclear research and clean coal technology that generally has little impact on the country's dependence on oil, 70 percent of which is used in transportation.” -Associated Press, January 22, 2007
“Ha! Little do they know that coal plays a very important part in Fearless Leader’s scheme for energy independence. You see, our cars currently run on gasoline, which comes from oil. If we can just find a way to make cars that run on coal, then we will have the vast resources of the Appalachian region to draw from and we will be able to support ourselves forever! If that doesn’t work.. well, there is always nucular.” -Skippy
“To kick-start the U.S. nuclear power industry, the federal government is preparing to spend billions of dollars to prove a point to Wall Street. Proponents of nuclear power are banking on federal support to show investors that revamped licensing procedures and new technology won't result in mammoth cost overruns that defined the last era of nuclear plant construction. Whether that support materializes may make the difference between a future of growth or stagnation for nuclear power, which now provides 20 percent of the U.S. electricity supply. Energy companies have announced their interest in building as many as 30 new reactors, including at least six in Texas. […] Once promoted as a limitless source of low-cost electricity, nuclear plants would later be derided as boondoggles on the backs of taxpayers and consumers. Numerous plants went far off schedule and way over budget. TXU's Comanche Peak power plant took two decades to build. Its original cost estimate: less than $1 billion. The final tab: $11 billion. Dozens of nuclear construction projects were canceled in the 1970s and 1980s. No new reactors have been ordered since before the 1979 meltdown at Three Mile Island that raised government scrutiny and scared off much of the public.” -Dallas Morning News, January 22, 2007
“Clean, efficient nuclear power! Who can complain? The trick is to just figure out what to do with the waste. At least as long as we are at war we shouldn’t have any problems. We’ll just keep using the depleted uranium in our weapons systems.” -Skippy
“From the Sunni center we traveled to the Shiite south. Hussein was despised there for brutally crushing a Shiite uprising after the 1991 Persian Gulf war. But the Shiites didn't care much for the U.S. government either, as we soon discovered, and as coalition forces would learn in 2003 to their surprise and dismay. Like the Sunnis, the Shiites blamed the United States - not their own regime - for the tough sanctions that had paralyzed Iraq's economy. They angrily led us through schools that didn't have a single textbook, and hospitals that lacked spare parts for broken incubators and X-ray machines. A Shiite doctor wept as she showed us photos of hideously deformed babies, whose birth defects she attributed to the depleted uranium used by U.S. troops in 1991. “ -St. Petersburg Times, December 30, 2006
“Ah yes.. Now we just need to create bombs that we can load up with barrels of radioactive waste and fire at our enemies. It is a win win. We can get rid of our nuclear waste and we’ll be able to keep a war going at practically no cost for at least 10,000 years. All we are saying is give war a chance.” -Skippy
‘Dear Rich Little. I hear you have a new job. Congratulations. I also hear that you hate our President.” -Skippy
“Rich Little won't be mentioning Iraq or ratings when he addresses the White House Correspondents' Dinner April 21. Little said organizers of the event made it clear they don't want a repeat of last year's controversial appearance by Stephen Colbert, whose searing satire of President Bush and the White House press corps fell flat and apparently touched too many nerves. Little, who hasn't been to the White House since he was a favorite of the Reagan administration, said he'll stick with his usual schtick -- the impersonations of the past six presidents. ‘They don't want anyone knocking the president. He's really over the coals right now, and he's worried about his legacy,’ added Little, a longtime Las Vegas resident.” Las Vegas Review-Journal, January 17, 2007
“Liar! Liar! Rich Little, you are such a liar. Fearless Leader does not need your pity, and he is not worried about his legacy.” -Skippy
“I really am not the kind of guy that sits here and says, ’Oh gosh, I’m worried about my legacy.’” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 14, 2007
“See Rich Little? See? He’s fine. You need to support what the President does more. You can’t ignore his brilliant triumph in Iraq. Show Fearless Leader some respect. Like Stephen Colbert did at last year’s event.” -Skippy
“Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in ‘reality.’ And reality has a well-known liberal bias. So, Mr. President, please, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass -- it's important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash.” -Stephen Colbert, White House Correspondents’ Dinner, April 29, 2006
“I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.” -Stephen Colbert, White House Correspondents’ Dinner, April 29, 2006
“The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will.” -Stephen Colbert, White House Correspondents’ Dinner, April 29, 2006
“Everybody asks for personnel changes. So the White House has personnel changes. Then you write, ‘Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.’ First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!” -Stephen Colbert, White House Correspondents’ Dinner, April 29, 2006
“He stood up and said that he is proud to support the President. That is the level of respect that we are talking about here.. I mean, this is the White House Correspondent’s Dinner. This is the big time. This isn’t some stupid Radio and Television Correspondent’s Dinner where you can say stupid things and no one cares.” -Skippy
“During the annual Radio and Television Correspondents Dinner this week, Bush presented a slide show of quirky photographs from inside the White House. In one, the president is looking under furniture in the Oval Office. ‘Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere,’ Bush joked. ‘Nope, no weapons over there ... maybe under here?’" -CNN, May 6, 2004
“So remember. No mocking the President. No matter how much things he says..” -Skippy
“Yet when asked if he owes the Iraqi people an apology for botching the management of the war, he said ‘Not at all.’ ‘We liberated that country from a tyrant,’ Bush said. ‘I think the Iraqi people owe the American people a huge debt of gratitude.’” -Associated Press, January 14, 2007
“…may not match what most of us refer to as ‘reality’...” -Skippy
“Nearly 35,000 civilians were killed last year in Iraq, the United Nations said Tuesday, a sharp increase from the numbers reported previously by the Iraqi government. Gianni Magazzeni, the chief of the U.N. Assistance Ministry for Iraq, said 34,452 civilians were killed and 36,685 were wounded last year.” -Associated Press, January 16, 2007
“…and in fact might possibly make a delightful black comedy (like Dr. Strangelove or Brazil)…” -Skippy
“President Bush’s new Iraq strategy calls for a rapid influx of forces that could add as many as 20,000 American combat troops to Baghdad, supplemented with a jobs program costing as much as $1 billion intended to employ Iraqis in projects including painting schools and cleaning streets, according to American officials who are piecing together the last parts of the initiative.” -New York Times, January 6, 2007
“…it really isn’t funny.” -Skippy
“The coordinated detonation of two bombs during the after-school rush at a Baghdad university killed at least 60 people Tuesday and wounded more than 140 in what university officials described as one of the deadliest attacks on academia since the 2003 U.S.-led invasion. […] At Mustansiriya University, sophomore Dyana Ayad had finished her Arabic elocution test, then walked through the college gardens, turned right toward a pedestrian overpass and joined the crowd of students waiting for buses. The pressure filled her ears a split second before she heard the sound of a bomb. ‘I saw unbelievable things,’ the 20-year-old recalled Tuesday night. ‘There were tiny pieces of papers, burned papers everywhere. And dark smoke, white smoke. . . . I saw arms, legs, body parts flying in the air. The sky was raining burning paper and body parts.’ Firefighters and police sped to the scene of the wreckage, near Palestine Street in eastern Baghdad, doused the flaming cars and buses, and ferried bloodied students to hospitals throughout the city. Students ran in panic to find their friends, witnesses said, picking through what one student called ‘pieces of meat.’ The university's assistant president, Fadhil al-Amri, found a human head on the ground outside his office, next to a severed hand. ‘No matter what I say to you, it is nothing like what happened. It is terrible,’ Amri said. ‘The terrorists are walking the streets in larger numbers than the policemen or the soldiers in the army. They can't do anything. There is no safety in this country.’" -Washington Post, January 16, 2007
“According to the Iraqi Ministry of Higher Education, at least 155 education professionals have been killed since 2003 in a climate of growing Islamic extremism.” -Washington Post, January 16, 2007
“So show Fearless Leader the respect he deserves.” -Skippy
“We’ve known for a while now that Fearless Leader is a man of bold and decisive vision. He looked at the issues in the Middle East and decided to liberate Iraq. He looked at the problems in our major cities and gave us Katrina relief. He examined our military strategy and remembered his time in the National Guard. He looked at our moral decay as a society and gave us Jenna. Now the blinding vision of the Decider turns towards our Justice system.” -Skippy
“During a floor speech on the topic moments ago, Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) said the White House has told her it was replacing from five to 10 Senate-confirmed U.S. attorneys with its own interim appointees.” -Justin Hood, TPM Muckraker, January 16, 2007
“Kevin Ryan, chief federal prosecutor for the state's Northern District, and Carol Lam, who headed the state's Southern District, both announced Tuesday they would be leaving. The two are among 11 top federal prosecutors who have resigned or announced their resignations since an obscure provision in the USA Patriot Act reauthorization last year enabled the U.S. attorney general to appoint replacements without Senate confirmation.” -Associated Press, January 17, 2007
“In order to replace several U.S. Attorneys with handpicked successors, the Bush Administration has relied on a tiny, obscure provision tucked into last year's USA PATRIOT Improvement and Reauthorization Act. How did it get there? Former Senate Judiciary Chairman Arlen Specter (R-PA) slipped the language into the bill at the very last minute, according to one of the Republican managers of the bill. A spokesperson for Rep. James Sensenbrenner (R-WI), who led the House team working on the bill, said that the provision was inserted by Specter into the final draft of the bill. The language was apparently requested by the Justice Department. Specter's office didn't respond to numerous requests for comment.” -Paul Kiel, TPM Muckraker, January 17, 2007
“Wow.. The White House is replacing U.S. Attorneys with their own people. It is kind of like they were afraid that they were going to need their own hand-picked people as prosecutors for some reason. I would get suspicious about their worrying about being under criminal investigation, but that seems overly paranoid. I mean, it isn’t like they’re doing anything else that would support that theory.” -Skippy
“Attorney General Alberto Gonzales says federal judges are unqualified to make rulings affecting national security policy, ramping up his criticism of how they handle terrorism cases. In remarks prepared for delivery Wednesday, Gonzales says judges generally should defer to the will of the president and Congress when deciding national security cases. He also raps jurists who ‘apply an activist philosophy that stretches the law to suit policy preferences.’” -Associated Press, January 17, 2007
“Well, except announcing that judges really aren’t qualified to judge when it might impact the Executive branch. Hmm.. They are going after both the judges and the prosecutors already, and the drive to ‘sanitize’ the courts seems to be led by a Mr. Gonzales… Gonzales.. Gonzales.. Where have I heard his name before?” -Skippy
“One key advantage of declaring that Taliban and Al Qaeda fighters did not have Geneva Convention protections is that it ‘substantially reduces the threat of domestic criminal prosecution under the War Crimes Act,’ Gonzales wrote.” -Newsweek, May 19, 2004
“The concern about possible future prosecution for war crimes - and that it might even apply to Bush administration officials themselves - is contained in a crucial portion of an internal January 25, 2002, memo by White House counsel Alberto Gonzales obtained by Newsweek. It urges President George Bush declare the war in Afghanistan, including the detention of Taliban and Al Qaeda fighters, exempt from the provisions of the Geneva Convention.” -Newsweek, May 19, 2004
“Following Tristan's execution, Bush's office released a statement that read, in part: "Gov. Bush assures the people of Mexico that Mr. Tristan had [a] fair trial, ample opportunity to be heard and the full protections of the Constitution and laws of the United States of America." That was not entirely true, however, because Bush and Gonzales apparently believed that international law, as embodied in the Vienna Convention, was somehow inapplicable to Texas. It would be difficult to find an international law expert who agreed with Gonzales' legal analysis, due in no small part to Article 6 of the Constitution, which states that, ‘... all treaties made, or which shall be made, under the authority of the United States, shall be the supreme law of the land.’ Supreme Court precedent dating to 1804 establishes that states are bound by U.S. treaties.” -Slate, June 15, 2004
“Gen. Michael V. Hayden, the former N.S.A. director who is now the second-ranking intelligence official in the country, was asked at a White House briefing this week whether there had been any ‘purely domestic’ intercepts under the program. ‘The authorization given to N.S.A. by the president requires that one end of these communications has to be outside the United States,’ General Hayden answered. ‘I can assure you, by the physics of the intercept, by how we actually conduct our activities, that one end of these communications are always outside the United States.’ Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales also emphasized that the order only applied to international communications. ‘People are running around saying that the United States is somehow spying on American citizens calling their neighbors,’ he said. ‘Very, very important to understand that one party to the communication has to be outside the United States.’" -New York Times, December 21, 2005
“A surveillance program approved by President Bush to conduct eavesdropping without warrants has captured what are purely domestic communications in some cases, despite a requirement by the White House that one end of the intercepted conversations take place on foreign soil, officials say. The officials say the National Security Agency's interception of a small number of communications between people within the United States was apparently accidental, and was caused by technical glitches at the National Security Agency in determining whether a communication was in fact ‘international.’" -New York Times, December 21, 2005
“Oh! I remember now! He is Bush’s right hand man who has said that the Geneva Conventions are ‘quaint’ and that the illegal domestic wiretapping wasn’t, you know, illegal. Well, I sure hope that he and the rest of the Administration have a sympathetic judge.. Oh.. wait.. That’s what this is all about isn’t it?” -Skippy
“Ok.. Running a little behind this morning. I guess I’ll take the low-hanging fruit and just give you some of one of Fearless Leader’s speeches. (Thanks to Holden at First Draft for pointing these beauties out.)” -Skippy
“I believe that 2005 would have been a -- we would have completed a lot of the mission and that would had been training the Iraqis so they would be in the lead, that they would be in a position to uphold the wishes of the 12 million people that voted. In spite of the remarkable progress, 2006 turned out differently than I had anticipated.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 11, 2007
“So Fearless Leader admits that he can make a mistake.. Interesting.. See if you can spot the exact moment when Fearless Leader realized that he could not remember exactly how many additional troops he was sending to Iraq..” -Skippy
“And so our commanders looked at the plan and said, Mr. President, it's not going to work until -- unless we support -- provide more troops. And so last night I told the country that I've committed an additional -- a little over 20,000 more troops, five brigades of which will be in Baghdad.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 11, 2007
“And he is listening to his commanders.. Hmm.. Fearless Leader, would that be these commanders?..” -Skippy
“Over the past 12 months, as optimism collided with reality, Mr. Bush increasingly found himself uneasy with General Casey’s strategy. And now, as the image of Saddam Hussein at the gallows recedes, Mr. Bush seems all but certain not only to reverse the strategy that General Casey championed, but also to accelerate the general’s departure from Iraq, according to senior military officials. General Casey repeatedly argued that his plan offered the best prospect for reducing the perception that the United States remained an occupier — and it was a path he thought matched Mr. Bush’s wishes. Earlier in the year, it had. But as Baghdad spun further out of control, some of the president’s advisers now say, Mr. Bush grew concerned that General Casey, among others, had become more fixated on withdrawal than victory.” -New York Times, January 2, 2007
“…that supported you but didn’t give you the results that wanted? Or are you referring to these commanders…” -Skippy
“Sending 15,000 to 30,000 more troops for a mission of possibly six to eight months is one of the central proposals on the table of the White House policy review to reverse the steady deterioration in Iraq. The option is being discussed as an element in a range of bigger packages, the officials said. But the Joint Chiefs think the White House, after a month of talks, still does not have a defined mission and is latching on to the surge idea in part because of limited alternatives, despite warnings about the potential disadvantages for the military, said the officials, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because the White House review is not public. The chiefs have taken a firm stand, the sources say, because they believe the strategy review will be the most important decision on Iraq to be made since the March 2003 invasion.” -Washington Post, December 19, 2006
“The Bush administration is split over the idea of a surge in troops to Iraq, with White House officials aggressively promoting the concept over the unanimous disagreement of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, according to U.S. officials familiar with the intense debate.” -Washington Post, December 19, 2006
“You know.. The ones that don’t agree with you and your strategy? How can you be so confident that you know better than your Chief’s of Staff?” -Skippy
“I understand the consequences of failure; they're not acceptable. And so I thought long and hard how best to succeed. That's what I'm interested in, is success. The American people are interested in success. And I laid out a plan that is our best chance for success.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 11, 2007
“Um.. ok. Now for the next one notice that Fearless Leader apparently believes that ‘understanding’ is a bad thing.” -Skippy
“It's important for our citizens to understand that as tempting as it might be, to understand the consequences of leaving before the job is done, radical Islamic extremists would grow in strength.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 11, 2007
“And there needs to be a bigger presence because, in the past, we would go in with Iraqis and clear a neighborhood of extremists and terrorists, and then there wouldn't be enough troops to hold the neighborhood. So our kids would do a lot of hard work, and insurgents and terrorists and killers would generally not want to engage our troops -- probably a pretty smart decision on their part. But when they did, they would find justice, and then we'd go on to another assignment, and they'd come back in the neighborhood.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 11, 2007
“Well if they are finding ‘justice’ (a phrase Fearless Leader uses to indicate ‘bad’ people being killed), then apparently we have a zombie problem in Baghdad.” -Skippy
“The best way to defeat the totalitarian of hate is with an ideology of hope -- an ideology of hate -- excuse me -- with an ideology of hope. It matters whether or not people are resentful in the Middle East.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 11, 2007
“Oops.” -Skippy
“They're totalitarians. You do it this way, or else, is their attitude about government. They don't believe in freedoms, like freedom to worship. I, frankly -- well, speaking about religion, these are murderers. They use murder as a tool to achieve their objective. Religious people don't murder. They may claim they're religious, but when you kill an innocent woman, or a child to create a political end, that's not my view of religion.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 11, 2007
“Thank you Fearless Leader for once again defining religion for the rest of it. While you are at home tonight why don’t you try Googling ‘crusades’ and see what you find? Yep, religious people don’t murder.. sigh..” -Skippy
“Yet when asked if he owes the Iraqi people an apology for botching the management of the war, he said “Not at all.’ ‘We liberated that country from a tyrant,’ Bush said. ‘I think the Iraqi people owe the American people a huge debt of gratitude.’” -Associated Press, January 14, 2007 “Why should Fearless Leader feel bad? I mean, we liberated Iraq. We liberated the hell out of it!” -Skippy
“Nearly 35,000 civilians were killed last year in Iraq, the United Nations said Tuesday, a sharp increase from the numbers reported previously by the Iraqi government. Gianni Magazzeni, the chief of the U.N. Assistance Ministry for Iraq, said 34,452 civilians were killed and 36,685 were wounded last year.” -Associated Press, January 16, 2007
“Two bombs were detonated five minutes apart Tuesday in a used motorcycle marketplace in central Baghdad, killing at least 15 people and wounding 74 others, police said. The first bomb was attached to a motorcycle in the market. As the curious gathered to look at the aftermath, a suicide car bomber drove into the crowd and blew up his vehicle. Authorities said at least three policemen were among the dead.” -Associated Press, January 16, 2007 “Yeah.. Fearless Leader is confident in the job he’s performed. He is bold. He is assertive.” -Skippy
“I really am not the kind of guy that sits here and says, ’Oh gosh, I’m worried about my legacy.’” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 14, 2007 “He is not the kind of man to worry about his legacy. I mean, I doubt he’s thought about it at all.” -Skippy
“I'm going to work hard. I'm going to sprint to the finish. And we can get a lot done. And you're talking about legacy. Here, I - I know - look, everybody's trying to write the history of this administration even before it's over. I'm reading about George Washington still. My attitude is if they're still analyzing number one, 43 ought not to worry about it, and just do what he think is right, and make the tough choices necessary. And it's going to be a tough battle.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, December 20, 2006
“He is so confident that he needs no reinforcement from others at all, even in the face of overwhelming public opposition.. He is a rock. He is an island.” -Skippy
“Digging in for confrontation, President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney say they will not budge from sending more U.S. troops to Iraq no matter how much Congress opposes it. ‘I fully understand they could try to stop me,’ Bush said of the Democrat-run Congress. ‘But I’ve made my decision, and we’re going forward.’” -Associated Press, January 14, 2007
“I hear the voices, and I read the front page, and I know the speculation. But I'm the decider, and I decide what is best.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, April 18, 2006
“He is bold in his vision and merciful at heart.” -Skippy
“I’m not a revengeful person.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 14, 2007
“And that’s good, because otherwise we would have to look at his behavior as borderline psychopathic. Still, this was all for the moral cause of liberating Iraq. Petty revenge had nothing to do with it.” -Skippy
“President Bush leveled harsh criticism Thursday at the Senate on homeland security issues, but he revised his stump speech to make clear ‘there are fine senators from both parties who care deeply about our country.’ And, in discussing the threat posed by Iraqi President Saddam Hussein, Bush said: ‘After all, this is the guy who tried to kill my dad.’” -CNN, September 27, 2002
“One of my favorite authors died last week. Robert Anton Wilson, author of Illuminatus! And dozens of other wonderful books, kicked the bucket January 11th. He was a delightful author and, in my opinion, one of the finest philosophers alive, well, up until January 11. I will try to give him the send-off that he would have wanted.” -Skippy
“'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!” -Mr. Praline, Monty Python’s Flying Circus
“Various medical authorities swarm in and out of here predicting I have between two days and two months to live. I think they are guessing. I remain cheerful and unimpressed. I look forward without dogmatic optimism but without dread. I love you all and I deeply implore you to keep the lasagna flying. Please pardon my levity, I don't see how to take death seriously. It seems absurd.” -Robert Anton Wilson, January 6, 2007
“The totally convinced and the totally stupid have too much in common for the resemblance to be accidental.” -Robert Anton Wilson
“Belief is the death of intelligence.” -Robert Anton Wilson
“Every war results from the struggle for markets and spheres of influence, and every war is sold to the public by professional liars and totally sincere religious maniacs, as a Holy Crusade to save God and Goodness from Satan and Evil.” -Robert Anton Wilson
“Groups are grammatical fictions; only individuals exist, and each individual is different.” -Robert Anton Wilson
“Most people live in a myth and grow violently angry if anyone dares to tell them the truth about themselves.” -Robert Anton Wilson
“You know, I have found a new way to get high and stay spaced out for hours on end, and the government can't stop me... It's called senility.” -Robert Anton Wilson
"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night." -Homer Simpson
Quotes of the Morning: Misunderestimating the Decider
“Succeeding in Iraq also requires defending its territorial integrity — and stabilizing the region in the face of the extremist challenge. This begins with addressing Iran and Syria. These two regimes are allowing terrorists and insurgents to use their territory to move in and out of Iraq. Iran is providing material support for attacks on American troops. We will disrupt the attacks on our forces. We will interrupt the flow of support from Iran and Syria. And we will seek out and destroy the networks providing advanced weaponry and training to our enemies in Iraq.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 10, 2007 “Fearless Leader is tough-talking on Iran now. Thankfully I don’t think that the American people are going to back a third war. Heck, the majority want us out of Iraq war as it is, so adding another war seems to be out of the question. I’m sure that he was saber-rattling on this one. Only an idiot would think otherwise.” -Skippy
“SCARBOROUGH: And I want start with you, Pat Buchanan. There‘s talk in Washington right now, not just about Iraq, but also Iran, a coming war with Iran. Is that possible? […] You have got Cheney and Bush right now looking at a legacy of having gotten the United States into two wars, and maybe lost those wars, or legacy where they have destroyed Iran‘s nuclear capacity, validated the Bush doctrine, saved Israel. I think there is a real temptation—there will be—and a real drive, in both parties, to get the United States, whatever it does, to go in from air and sea, and take out Iran‘s nuclear facilities. I will bet you that is coming. SCARBOROUGH: And... BUCHANAN: I will bet you the president and vice president are considering it, even as we speak. (CROSSTALK) SCARBOROUGH: And, Craig Crawford, I would bet just about any amount of money that I had available that George Bush will not leave office with a nuclear Iran.” -MSNBC, “Scarborough Country”, January 10, 2006 “I stand by my earlier statement. I mean, everyone knows that Buchanan is crazy. Even Fearless Leader isn’t bat-shit insane enough to invade Iran. That bit in the speech was just rhetoric. The Decider knows we can’t afford to start a third war. We’re already over-extended in the two we have. Attacking Iran would be about the most incredibly stupid thing that I can imagine.” -Skippy
“The U.S. military operation Thursday in the northern Iraqi city of Irbil that resulted in the arrests of six Iranians has drawn a sharp denunciation from Iraq's Kurdish regional government. A spokesman for the autonomous regional government and its presidency expressed their ‘alarm’ and condemned the Thursday morning operation. They characterized it as a raid on the Iranian consulate in Irbil, ‘which opened in the provincial capital in an agreement between the Iraqi government and the Iranian government.’ The Kurdish regional government is based in Irbil.” -CNN, January 11, 2006
“Oh.. We attacked the Iranian consulate. I may be mistaken (and some news reports say I am), but I believe that a consulate is similar to an embassy in that it is considered the sovereign soil of the country involved. In other words we just invaded Iranian soil. I hope that the White House can clear this up..” -Skippy
“Q One last question. There's some concern about the operation in Iraq last night that involved some Iranian nationals, that this could be construed as an act of war, going on sovereign territory. Can you respond? What's the President's thought about that? MR. JOHNDROE: I can't -- I'm not going to speak specifically to the Iranians and to that operation today. But the President made it clear last night that we will not tolerate outside interference in Iraq. And that's what the Iranians are up to. And if we get information that is actionable that the Iranians are interfering with Iraq, with Iraqis, or in any way going to harm Americans that we're going to take action. Q Even if it means going on Iranian soil? MR. JOHNDROE: No, Chairman Pace said this morning that these are actions that take place within Iraq, and much of this is about force protection of our troops there, and that takes place inside Iraq.” -Press Gaggle with White House spokesperson Gordon Johndroe, January 11, 2007
“Yes, there will be no outside interference in Iraq (except for ours of course). I take it all back.. I think that Fearless Leader may just be crazy enough to invade yet another country. We can handle it though. Iran is only has.. um.. about two and a half times the population of Iraq..” -Skippy
“A small team of American military personnel entered southern Somalia to try to determine exactly who was killed in a U.S. airstrike Monday that targeted suspected al-Qaeda figures thought to be hiding in swampy mangrove forests along the Indian Ocean, U.S. sources said Thursday. […] The strike killed eight to 10 people suspected of terrorist links, according to another source, a high-ranking U.S. official in the region who spoke Thursday and declined to be identified. The people were fleeing with remnants of the Courts movement, which was swept from power last month by invading Ethiopian forces who installed in its place the country's U.S.-backed transitional government.” -Washington Post, January 12, 2007 “I mean two other countries.. Wow.. We are so screwed. Anything to add to that Fearless Leader?” -Skippy
“The folks who conducted this act on our country on September 11th made a big mistake. They misunderestimated the fact that we love a neighbor in need. They misunderestimated the compassion of our country. I think they misunderestimated the will and determination of the commander-in-chief, too.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, September 26, 2001
Quotes of the Morning: Homer J for the Rebuttal (again)
“Here it is.. The return of the most popular Quotes of the Morning evah! Homer J for the rebuttal.” -Skippy
“When I addressed you just over a year ago, nearly 12 million Iraqis had cast their ballots for a unified and democratic nation. The elections of 2005 were a stunning achievement. We thought that these elections would bring the Iraqis together — and that as we trained Iraqi security forces, we could accomplish our mission with fewer American troops. But in 2006, the opposite happened.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 10, 2007
"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'." -Homer Simpson
“The situation in Iraq is unacceptable to the American people — and it is unacceptable to me. Our troops in Iraq have fought bravely. They have done everything we have asked them to do. Where mistakes have been made, the responsibility rests with me.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 10, 2007 "You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on." -Homer Simpson
“It is clear that we need to change our strategy in Iraq. So my national security team, military commanders, and diplomats conducted a comprehensive review. We consulted Members of Congress from both parties, allies abroad, and distinguished outside experts. We benefited from the thoughtful recommendations of the Iraq Study Group — a bipartisan panel led by former Secretary of State James Baker and former Congressman Lee Hamilton.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 10, 2007 “Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay. Um Can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about uuhhh, things. Uhh... the things.” -Homer Simpson
“Marge: Homer! There's someone here who can help you... Homer: Is it Batman? Marge: No, he's a scientist. Homer: Batman's a scientist?! Marge: It's not Batman!” -The Simpsons
“In our discussions, we all agreed that there is no magic formula for success in Iraq. And one message came through loud and clear: Failure in Iraq would be a disaster for the United States.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 10, 2007 "Safety? But sir! If truth be known, I actually caused more accidents around here than any other employee, including a few doozies no one every found out about." -Homer Simpson
“Our past efforts to secure Baghdad failed for two principal reasons: There were not enough Iraqi and American troops to secure neighborhoods that had been cleared of terrorists and insurgents. And there were too many restrictions on the troops we did have. Our military commanders reviewed the new Iraqi plan to ensure that it addressed these mistakes. They report that it does. They also report that this plan can work.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 10, 2007 “Marge: Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy sugar scheme? Homer: Never, Marge. Never. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors -- oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called ‘City Fathers’ who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about ‘What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?’" -The Simpsons
“I have made it clear to the Prime Minister and Iraq's other leaders that America's commitment is not open-ended. If the Iraqi government does not follow through on its promises, it will lose the support of the American people — and it will lose the support of the Iraqi people.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 10, 2007 "No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed." -Homer Simpson
"Please, please, kids, stop fighting. Maybe Lisa's right about America being the land of opportunity, and maybe Adil's got a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers." -Homer Simpson
“A successful strategy for Iraq goes beyond military operations. Ordinary Iraqi citizens must see that military operations are accompanied by visible improvements in their neighborhoods and communities. So America will hold the Iraqi government to the benchmarks it has announced.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 10, 2007 "Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2%, and it's all because of my motivational techniques, like donuts and the possibility of more donuts to come." -Homer Simpson
“Succeeding in Iraq also requires defending its territorial integrity — and stabilizing the region in the face of the extremist challenge. This begins with addressing Iran and Syria. These two regimes are allowing terrorists and insurgents to use their territory to move in and out of Iraq. Iran is providing material support for attacks on American troops. We will disrupt the attacks on our forces. We will interrupt the flow of support from Iran and Syria. And we will seek out and destroy the networks providing advanced weaponry and training to our enemies in Iraq.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 10, 2007 “When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power ... like God must feel when he's holding a gun.” -Homer Simpson
"The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten!!!" -Homer Simpson
“The challenge playing out across the broader Middle East is more than a military conflict. It is the decisive ideological struggle of our time. On one side are those who believe in freedom and moderation. On the other side are extremists who kill the innocent, and have declared their intention to destroy our way of life.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 10, 2007 "Because sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!" -Homer Simpson
“Let me be clear: The terrorists and insurgents in Iraq are without conscience, and they will make the year ahead bloody and violent. Even if our new strategy works exactly as planned, deadly acts of violence will continue — and we must expect more Iraqi and American casualties.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 10, 2007
“We go forward with trust that the Author of Liberty will guide us through these trying hours. Thank you and good night.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 10, 2007 "I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me." -Homer Simpson
