Quotes of the Morning: Open Letter to Rich Little

‘Dear Rich Little. I hear you have a new job. Congratulations. I also hear that you hate our President.”
-Skippy

“Rich Little won't be mentioning Iraq or ratings when he addresses the White House Correspondents' Dinner April 21.
Little said organizers of the event made it clear they don't want a repeat of last year's controversial appearance by Stephen Colbert, whose searing satire of President Bush and the White House press corps fell flat and apparently touched too many nerves.
Little, who hasn't been to the White House since he was a favorite of the Reagan administration, said he'll stick with his usual schtick -- the impersonations of the past six presidents.
‘They don't want anyone knocking the president. He's really over the coals right now, and he's worried about his legacy,’ added Little, a longtime Las Vegas resident.”
Las Vegas Review-Journal, January 17, 2007

“Liar! Liar! Rich Little, you are such a liar. Fearless Leader does not need your pity, and he is not worried about his legacy.”
-Skippy

“I really am not the kind of guy that sits here and says, ’Oh gosh, I’m worried about my legacy.’”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 14, 2007

“See Rich Little? See? He’s fine. You need to support what the President does more. You can’t ignore his brilliant triumph in Iraq. Show Fearless Leader some respect. Like Stephen Colbert did at last year’s event.”
-Skippy

“Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in ‘reality.’ And reality has a well-known liberal bias.
So, Mr. President, please, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass -- it's important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash.”
-Stephen Colbert, White House Correspondents’ Dinner, April 29, 2006

“I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.”
-Stephen Colbert, White House Correspondents’ Dinner, April 29, 2006

“The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will.”
-Stephen Colbert, White House Correspondents’ Dinner, April 29, 2006

“Everybody asks for personnel changes. So the White House has personnel changes. Then you write, ‘Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.’ First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!”
-Stephen Colbert, White House Correspondents’ Dinner, April 29, 2006

“He stood up and said that he is proud to support the President. That is the level of respect that we are talking about here.. I mean, this is the White House Correspondent’s Dinner. This is the big time. This isn’t some stupid Radio and Television Correspondent’s Dinner where you can say stupid things and no one cares.”
-Skippy

“During the annual Radio and Television Correspondents Dinner this week, Bush presented a slide show of quirky photographs from inside the White House. In one, the president is looking under furniture in the Oval Office.
‘Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere,’ Bush joked. ‘Nope, no weapons over there ... maybe under here?’"
-CNN, May 6, 2004

“So remember. No mocking the President. No matter how much things he says..”
-Skippy

“Yet when asked if he owes the Iraqi people an apology for botching the management of the war, he said ‘Not at all.’
‘We liberated that country from a tyrant,’ Bush said. ‘I think the Iraqi people owe the American people a huge debt of gratitude.’”
-Associated Press, January 14, 2007

“…may not match what most of us refer to as ‘reality’...”
-Skippy

“Nearly 35,000 civilians were killed last year in Iraq, the United Nations said Tuesday, a sharp increase from the numbers reported previously by the Iraqi government.
Gianni Magazzeni, the chief of the U.N. Assistance Ministry for Iraq, said 34,452 civilians were killed and 36,685 were wounded last year.”
-Associated Press, January 16, 2007

“…and in fact might possibly make a delightful black comedy (like Dr. Strangelove or Brazil)…”
-Skippy

“President Bush’s new Iraq strategy calls for a rapid influx of forces that could add as many as 20,000 American combat troops to Baghdad, supplemented with a jobs program costing as much as $1 billion intended to employ Iraqis in projects including painting schools and cleaning streets, according to American officials who are piecing together the last parts of the initiative.”
-New York Times, January 6, 2007

“…it really isn’t funny.”
-Skippy

“The coordinated detonation of two bombs during the after-school rush at a Baghdad university killed at least 60 people Tuesday and wounded more than 140 in what university officials described as one of the deadliest attacks on academia since the 2003 U.S.-led invasion.
[…]
At Mustansiriya University, sophomore Dyana Ayad had finished her Arabic elocution test, then walked through the college gardens, turned right toward a pedestrian overpass and joined the crowd of students waiting for buses. The pressure filled her ears a split second before she heard the sound of a bomb.
‘I saw unbelievable things,’ the 20-year-old recalled Tuesday night. ‘There were tiny pieces of papers, burned papers everywhere. And dark smoke, white smoke. . . . I saw arms, legs, body parts flying in the air. The sky was raining burning paper and body parts.’
Firefighters and police sped to the scene of the wreckage, near Palestine Street in eastern Baghdad, doused the flaming cars and buses, and ferried bloodied students to hospitals throughout the city. Students ran in panic to find their friends, witnesses said, picking through what one student called ‘pieces of meat.’
The university's assistant president, Fadhil al-Amri, found a human head on the ground outside his office, next to a severed hand.
‘No matter what I say to you, it is nothing like what happened. It is terrible,’ Amri said. ‘The terrorists are walking the streets in larger numbers than the policemen or the soldiers in the army. They can't do anything. There is no safety in this country.’"
-Washington Post, January 16, 2007

“According to the Iraqi Ministry of Higher Education, at least 155 education professionals have been killed since 2003 in a climate of growing Islamic extremism.”
-Washington Post, January 16, 2007

“So show Fearless Leader the respect he deserves.”
-Skippy