“HURRICANE, n. An atmospheric demonstration once very common but now generally abandoned for the tornado and cyclone. The hurricane is still in popular use in the West Indies and is preferred by certain old-fashioned sea-captains." -Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
"They sicken of the calm, who know the storm." -Dorothy Parker
"The height of human wisdom is . . . to make a calm within, under the weight of the greatest storm without." -Daniel Defoe
"The wise man in the storm prays God, not for safety from danger, but for deliverance from fear." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The sky is changed,—and such a change! O night And storm and darkness! ye are wondrous strong, Yet lovely in your strength, as is the light Of a dark eye in woman! Far along, From peak to peak, the rattling crags among, Leaps the live thunder." -Lord Byron “The Quotes of the Morning will be taking a few days off. Mrs. Skippy’s grandfather (husband of her grandmother who passed away a few months ago) died this weekend, and we’ll be off seeing family. Any prayers to whatever deity you may happen to believe in would be greatly appreciated. The Quotes should return on Thursday.” -Skippy
“Here comes the rain again Raining in my head like a tragedy Tearing me apart like a new emotion” -Eurythmics, Here Comes the Rain Again
Quotes of the Morning: Rollercoaster of Love, Pt. 2
“First the ride goes slowly goes up the rise..” -Skippy
"One of Iraq's leading democracy and human rights advocates is Safia Taleb al-Souhail . . . Three days ago in Baghdad, Safia was finally able to vote for the leaders of her country -- and we are honored that she is with us tonight." -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, February 2, 2005
“There was an emotional moment during Wednesday's State of the Union address when the mother of a 25-year-old Marine killed in Iraq, Janet Norwood, embraced an Iraqi voter, Safia Taleb al-Souhail. They were among the guests invited to sit with the president's wife Laura Bush for the annual address.” -Voice of America, February 3, 2005
“As lawmakers stood and cheered, al-Souhail, holding back tears, flashed a "V" sign and showed her voting finger, too.” -CNN, February 3, 2005
“When Norwood started to pull back, the chain from her son's dog tags, which she had been holding, became entangled in al-Souhail's accoutrements. The women had to disentangle themselves on live television, the awkwardness lending the moment an unrehearsed charm. It was, by any measure, magic.” -Washington Post, February 4, 2005
“And then the terrifying plunge..” -Skippy
“Secular Iraqis said on Wednesday a proposed new constitution left no room for doubt about the Islamist path the country was heading down two years after a U.S.-led invasion was supposed to produce greater freedoms . . . The draft says Islam is the official religion of the state and there can be no law that contradicts the ‘fixed principles of its rulings.’ . . . Language guaranteeing ‘rights and freedoms’ is subordinate to the primary position given to Islam, opponents say.” -Reuters, August 24, 2005
“Souhail said the United States, a crucial backstage player keen for a deal that meets U.S.-backed deadlines, had let the Shi'ite Islamists and Kurds in government do as they wish. ‘We have received news that we were not backed by our friends including the Americans. They left the Islamists to come to an agreement with the Kurds,’ she said.” -Reuters, August 24, 2005
"When we came back from exile, we thought we were going to improve rights and the position of women. But look what has happened -- we have lost all the gains we made over the last 30 years. It's a big disappointment." -Safia Taleb al-Souhail, Iraq’s Ambassador to Egypt, August 24, 2005
“Man, you’d think that, for some strange reason, women are getting the short end of the stick in Iraq. That can’t be right. We went there to liberate them from Saddam’s oppression and to shut down the rape rooms (now to be re-opened under new management). I remember Fearless Leader saying so. A big thank you goes to Billmon for the Quotes.” -Skippy
“I want to thank my friend, Dr. Raja Khuzai, who's with us today. This is the third time we have met. The first time we met, she walked into the Oval Office -- let's see, was it the first time? It was the first time. The door opened up. She said, ‘My liberator,’ and burst out in tears -- and so did I. Dr. Khuzai also was there to have Thanksgiving dinner with our troops. And it turned out to be me, as well. Of course, I didn't tell her I was coming. But I appreciate that, and now she's here again. I want to thank you, Doctor, for your hard work on the writing of the basic law for your people. You have stood fast, you have stood strong. Like me, you've got liberty etched in your heart, and you're not going to yield. And you are doing a great job and we're proud to have you back. Thanks for coming.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, March 12, 2004 “Dr. Khuzai! Welcome to Six Flags Iraq, and thanks for coming to the Dubya Drop. Please keep all hands and feet inside as we take this ride on its terrifying plunge.” -Skippy
"These are extraordinary times, historic times. We've seen the fall of brutal tyrants. We're seeing the rise of democracy in the Middle East. We're seeing women take their rightful place in societies that were once incredibly oppressive and closed. We're seeing the power and appeal of liberty in every single culture. And we're proud once again- this nation is proud- to advance the cause of human rights and human freedom.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, March 12, 2004
“W stands for Women” -Campaign poster, 2004 Election
“One of the critical passages is in Article 14 of the chapter, a sweeping measure that would require court cases dealing with matters like marriage, divorce and inheritance to be judged according to the law practiced by the family's sect or religion. Under that measure, Shiite women in Iraq, no matter what their age, generally could not marry without their families' permission. Under some interpretations of Shariah, men could attain a divorce simply by stating their intention three times in their wives' presence. Article 14 would replace a body of Iraqi law that has for decades been considered one of the most progressive in the Middle East in protecting the rights of women, giving them the freedom to choose a husband and requiring divorce cases to be decided by a judge.” -New York Times, July 19, 2005
“Across the country, a steady clampdown on women’s rights has been going unreported and unchecked by the government. Islamic terrorism is killing and injuring Iraqi women daily, employing among other weapons, acid attacks ... This is all the outcome of the occupation of Iraq. This has been pursued under the name of liberation, but what we actually see is women increasingly losing their freedom, while political Islamists feel free to terrorise them. The Islamicists pour into this invaded, so-called Muslim land in order, they say, to liberate it; but in reality, neither the US nor the Islamists are our liberators. They both really fight for power and influence in Iraq and in the region." -The Independent, August 15, 2005
“Islam will be the ‘main source’ of Iraq’s law and parliament will observe religious principles, negotiators said on Saturday after what some called a major turn in talks on the constitution and a shift in the U.S. position. If agreed by Monday's parliamentary deadline, it would appear to be a major concession to Islamist leaders from the Shi'ite Muslim majority and sit uneasily with U.S. insistence on the primacy of democracy and human rights in the new Iraq." -Reuters, August 20, 2005
"I think it's important to remember that in the year 1900, for example, in the United States, it was a democracy then. In 1900, women did not have the right to vote. If Iraqis could develop a democracy that resembled America in the 1900s, I think we'd all be thrilled. I mean, women's social rights are not critical to the evolution of democracy." -Reuel Marc Gerecht, former CIA analyst, ‘Meet the Press’, August 21, 2005
“This is the future of the new Iraqi government - it will be in the hands of the clerics. I wanted Iraqi women to be free, to be able to talk freely and to able to move around. I am not going to stay here," - Dr. Raja Khuzai, August 23, 2005 “Wait! Dr. Khuzai! Come back!” -Skippy
“We’ll be fighting in the streets With our children at our feet And the morals that they worship will be gone And the men who spurred us on Sit in judgment of all wrong They decide and the shotgun sings the song
I'll tip my hat to the new constitution Take a bow for the new revolution Smile and grin at the change all around Pick up my guitar and play Just like yesterday Then I'll get on my knees and pray We don't get fooled again” -The Who, Don’t Get Fooled Again
“We have a court that has essentially stuck its finger in God's eye. We have insulted God at the highest levels of our government. Then, we say, ‘Why does this happen?’ It is happening because God Almighty is lifting His protection from us.” -Pat Robertson, September 13, 2001
"Would you join with me and many others in crying out to our Lord to change the court?.. One justice is 83 years old, another has cancer, and another has a heart condition. Would it not be possible for God to put it in the minds of these three judges that the time has come to retire?" -Pat Robertson, July 2003
"We ask that you will give justice, Lord, Supreme Court Freedom.. We ask that we might see freedom from what this institution has done to this nation. They have distorted the Constitution. They have perverted the law. They've entered the arena on the side of evil, and we pray, oh God, that you might raise the standard against them." -Pat Robertson, July 2003
“Federal judges are a more serious threat to America than Al Qaeda and the Sept. 11 terrorists, the Rev. Pat Robertson claimed yesterday. ‘Over 100 years, I think the gradual erosion of the consensus that's held our country together is probably more serious than a few bearded terrorists who fly into buildings,’ Robertson said on ABC's ‘This Week with George Stephanopoulos.’ ‘I think we have controlled Al Qaeda,’ the 700 Club host said, but warned of ‘erosion at home’ and said judges were creating a ‘tyranny of oligarchy.’" -New York Daily News, May 2, 2005
“Well, praying for the deaths of Supreme Court Justices is old and busted. Now the new sweetness is praying for the death of foreign leaders. Ok, not so much praying as avidly endorsing their brutal demise.” -Skippy
“Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson called on Monday for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, calling him a ‘terrific danger’ to the United States. Robertson, founder of the Christian Coalition of America and a former presidential candidate, said on ‘The 700 Club’ it was the United States’ duty to stop Chavez from making Venezuela a ‘launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism.’” -Associated Press, August 23, 2005 “Ah yes, assassination. That’s just what Jesus would do. Can’t we all just agree that Robertson is crazy as a loon and get on with our lives? Oh, and by the way, Muslim extremism would have to be fairly extreme to thrive in a country that is 96% Roman Catholic, 2% Protestant and only 2% ‘other’.” -Skippy
“You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war. And I don't think any oil shipments will stop. But this man is a terrific danger and the United ... This is in our sphere of influence, so we can't let this happen. We have the Monroe Doctrine, we have other doctrines that we have announced. And without question, this is a dangerous enemy to our south, controlling a huge pool of oil, that could hurt us very badly. We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability..” -Pat Robertson, August 22, 2005 “Oddly enough, when I read his words I seem to detect a man more concerned about the flow of oil than about communist Muslims, but hey, what do I know?” -Skippy
"We are at a time of war and Pat had war on his mind when he made the comments." -Christian Broadcasting Network Spokewoman to the BBC, August 23, 2005 “Great minds think alike, and so do Bush and Robertson apparently.” -Skippy
“I'm a war president. I make decisions here in the Oval Office in foreign-policy matters with war on my mind.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, on Meet the Press, February 7, 2004
“Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean that they’re not out to get you.” -Unknown
“Oddly though, Mr. Robertson had a few issues with government overthrow a while back.” -Skippy
"How dare the president of the United States say to the duly elected president of another country, 'You've got to step down.’” -Pat Robertson, on Liberia, July 2003
"We're undermining a Christian, Baptist president to bring in Muslim rebels to take over the country.” -Pat Robertson, on the situation in Liberia, July 2003 “He, unfortunately, shares some business interests with the ‘Christian, Baptist president’, Charles Taylor. Go figure.” -Skippy, July 23, 2003
“In February, at a national three-day prayer-and-fast rally partially funded by Robertson, Liberia's President- a U.S. prison escapee who, according to Human Rights Watch, has run ‘the whole gamut of human rights abuses’- declared he had seen the light. ‘We in Liberia recognize that there is a higher authority,’ said Charles Taylor, decked out in a short-sleeved white suit and standing on a red-carpeted stage at the center of the Samuel K. Doe stadium in Monrovia. ‘I am not your President. Jesus is!’ He instructed the estimated 65,000 people in the crowd to prostrate themselves and join in a song that he would lead despite his position - face down on the carpet. As the rally ended, Taylor presented a ceremonial plate to an American preacher named John Gimenez who had helped organize the event. ‘Thank you,’ Taylor said. ‘Tell Pat Robertson, and please present this to him as a token of our appreciation.’” -Fortune Magazine, May 28, 2002
“And, since I went to the trouble of looking up this idiot’s quotes, here are some more of them..” -Skippy
“The Constitution of the United States, for instance, is a marvelous document for self-government by the Christian people. But the minute you turn the document into the hands of non-Christian people and atheistic people they can use it to destroy the very foundation of our society. And that's what's been happening.” -Pat Robertson, The 700 Club television program, December 30, 1981
"I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period." -Pat Robertson, The 700 Club, January 8, 1992
“And good headship is hard to find.” -Skippy
"When lawlessness is abroad in the land, the same thing will happen here that happened in Nazi Germany. Many of those people involved in Adolph Hitler were Satanists. Many of them were homosexuals. The two things seem to go together." -Pat Robertson, The 700 Club, January 21, 1993
"NOW is saying that in order to be a woman, you've got to be a lesbian." -Pat Robertson, The 700 Club, December 3, 1997
“Many of those people involved with Adolph Hitler were Satanists, many of them were homosexuals -- the two things seem to go together.” -Pat Robertson, January 21, 1993
"Homosexuals want to come into churches and disrupt church services and throw blood all around and try to give people AIDS and spit in the face of ministers." -Pat Robertson, The 700 Club, January 18, 1995 “And now, for a few closing words from the wisest man to ever rock.” -Skippy
“Imagine if you will A multi-millionaire Television Evangelist, Saved from Korean Combat duty by his father, a U.S. Senator Studied Law - But is not qualified to practice it Father of a 'love child' Who, in adulthood, hosts the remnants Of papa's religious propaganda program Claims not to be a 'Faith Healer', But has, in the past, Dealt sternly with everything from hemorrhoids to hurricanes Involved with funding for a 'secret war' in Central America Claiming Ronald Reagan and Oliver North as close friends Involved in suspicious 'tax-avoidance schemes', (Under investigation for 16 months by the I.R.S.) Claims to be a MAN OF GOD; Currently seeking the United States Presidency, Hoping we will all follow him into - The Twilight Zone What if Pat gets in the White House, And suddenly - The rights of 'certain people' disappear Mysteriously? Now, wouldn't that sort of qualify As an American Tragedy? (Especially if he covers it up, sayin' 'Jesus told it to me!') I hope we never see that day, In The Land of The Free - Or someday will we? Will we?” -Frank Zappa, Jesus Thinks You’re a Jerk, 1988
“President Bush announced Tuesday that he has chosen an executive for a defense contractor to be secretary of the Navy and a Pentagon weapons buyer to be secretary of the Air Force. Michael W. Wynne , Bush's pick for Air Force secretary, has been the Defense Department's undersecretary for acquisition, technology and logistics since 2003. He will replace James Roche, who resigned in January. […] In June, the Pentagon's inspector general said Wynne was one of a half-dozen top Pentagon and Air Force officials responsible for a failed $23.5 billion deal to lease and buy refueling tankers from The Boeing Co. Lawmakers called the deal the most significant defense contract abuse in decades, although the inspector general did not accuse the officials of illegal activity. The deal led to the conviction of former Air Force executive Darleen Druyun on charges of conspiring to violate conflict-of-interest rules. She admitted in court that she favored Boeing because the company gave jobs to her daughter and son-in-law.” -Associated Press, August 16, 2005
“There is no failure so great that you cannot be promoted by this administration. Meanwhile, business as usual at the state level.” -Skippy
“Taft, a Republican who pleaded no contest Thursday to misdemeanor ethics violations for failing to report golf outings and other gifts, has vowed to serve out the remaining 16 months of his second term. He cannot, by law, run for re-election. Democrats are studying whether to pursue Taft's impeachment, a daunting task to get through the GOP-run state legislature.” -CNN, August 22, 2005
“Taft, a great-grandson of President William Howard Taft, nodded as the charges were read.He has forced out underlings for ethics offenses, but he said those cases were different.” -Associated Press, August 19, 2005
“Of course they were different. They weren’t him, and we all know that the buck stops somewhere shy of the top seat. Still, it looks like political trouble for Taft, and we know what you do when in political trouble.. That’s right, kiss the a** of the religious far right.” -Skippy
“Governor Taft says he supports the introduction of analytical criticism of evolution in classrooms. Taft, a Republican, says he can’t say whether the concept of intelligent design is science. But Taft says current state policy is an appropriate compromise between groups with competing ideas about teaching evolution. Intelligent design is the idea that life is so complex that it was designed by a non-specified power. Taft says evolution should be taught in public schools but there should also be room for analytical review of that.” -Associated Press, August 16, 2005
"You can support the troops but not the president." -Rep Tom Delay
"Well, I just think it's a bad idea. What's going to happen is they're going to be over there for 10, 15, maybe 20 years." -Joe Scarborough
"Explain to the mothers and fathers of American servicemen that may come home in body bags why their son or daughter have to give up their life?" -Sean Hannity
"[The] President . . . is once again releasing American military might on a foreign country with an ill-defined objective and no exit strategy. He has yet to tell the Congress how much this operation will cost. And he has not informed our nation's armed forces about how long they will be away from home. These strikes do not make for a sound foreign policy." -Sen. Rick Santorum
"American foreign policy is now one huge big mystery. Simply put, the administration is trying to lead the world with a feel-good foreign policy." -Rep Tom Delay
"If we are going to commit American troops, we must be certain they have a clear mission, an achievable goal and an exit strategy." -Karen Hughes, speaking on behalf of George W Bush
"I had doubts about the bombing campaign from the beginning . . I didn't think we had done enough in the diplomatic area." -Senator Trent Lott
"I cannot support a failed foreign policy. History teaches us that it is often easier to make war than peace. This administration is just learning that lesson right now. The President began this mission with very vague objectives and lots of unanswered questions. A month later, these questions are still unanswered. There are no clarified rules of engagement. There is no timetable. There is no legitimate definition of victory. There is no contingency plan for mission creep. There is no clear funding program. There is no agenda to bolster our over-extended military. There is no explanation defining what vital national interests are at stake. There was no strategic plan for war when the President started this thing, and there still is no plan today" -Rep Tom Delay “Just in case you’re wondering if you’ve fallen into a parallel universe or not, you haven’t. These are real quotes. They were all originally said during the time period in which Clinton was deploying troops in Bosnia. Back then the Republicans weren’t quite as militant. In fact, they were downright un-American doves back then instead of the bloodthirsty chicken hawks that we’ve come to know and love today. Remember, if you wake up some morning and hear Bush talking about diplomacy and helping to poor, and he has a goatee, then you’ve fallen into a parallel universe. Otherwise, it is just normal, everyday hypocrisy. Oh, and FYI, no American soldier died in action in Bosnia. Not one.” -Skippy
"Victory means exit strategy, and it's important for the President to explain to us what the exit strategy is." -George 'Dubya' Bush
“The Quotes of the Morning will be going on a hiatus for a few days. The lovely and talented Mrs. Skippy and I are going off to see America, or, failing that, at least going to see a museum or two in Pittsburgh. The Quotes shall return next Tuesday.” -Skippy
“This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, February 22, 2005
"Those are my principals, if you don't like them....I have others." -Groucho Marx
“But you bet, when we find somebody who might do harm to the American people, we will detain them and ask others from their country of origin to detain them. It makes sense. The American people expect us to do that. We, we -- we still at war.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, April 28, 2005
"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five." -Groucho Marx
“I grieve for every death. It breaks my heart to think about a family weeping over the loss of a loved one. I understand the anguish that some feel about the death that takes place.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, August 11, 2005
"A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke." -Groucho Marx
“The United States and the U.S. stand together in support of the Iraqi people and the new Iraqi government, which will soon come into action.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, February 22, 2005 “The United States and the U.S.? Both of them?” -Skippy
"The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part." -Groucho Marx
“The post-9/11 world, the United States must make sure we protect our people and our friends from attack. That was the charge we have been given. And one way to do so is to arrest people and send them back to their country of origin with the promise that they won't be tortured. That's the promise we receive. This country does not believe in torture. We do believe in protecting ourselves. We don't believe in torture.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, March 16, 2005
"An amateur thinks it's really funny if you dress a man up as an old lady, put him in a wheelchair, and give the wheelchair a push that sends it spinning down a slope towards a stone wall. For a pro, it's got to be a real old lady." -Groucho Marx
"All people are born alike -- except Republicans and Democrats." -Groucho Marx
"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted." -Groucho Marx
“John Kerry stooped to the lowest of the low with the shameless, invasive line that will be played over and over again on the news in the next 24 hours. . .Um, has John Kerry talked to Dick Cheney's daughter? Has John Edwards? Has Mary Beth Cahill, who called Mary Cheney ‘fair game’ on Fox News Channel after tonight's debate? If they haven't talked to her, they should shut up.” -October 13, 2004
“Ok, so if you haven’t talked to someone, don’t put words in their mouth. Sounds simple.” -Skippy
“I can't imagine that Casey Sheehan would approve of such behavior, conduct, and rhetoric.” -Michelle Malkin, August 11, 2005
“I think it's the journalistic equivalent of dumpster-diving, Steve. And I think there's no excuse for it. There's no defense for it and the New York Times should apologize for it.” -Michelle Malkin, on investigating the private life of Supreme Court nominee John Roberts, August 5, 2005
“Leave people’s private lives out of the public eye. Sounds easy.” -Skippy
“Like it or not, the dispute between Cindy Sheehan and some of her family members is news.” -Michelle Malkin, August 14, 2005
“Well, I do want to emphasize what you said, Bill, which is that losing a child in any situation, whether it's in a war, from an accident or disease, is one of the most painful of human experiences. And Mrs. Sheehan deserves compassion and sympathy. And apparently, according to the accounts from last year when President Bush met with her, that's exactly what she got. I don't think that anybody should demonize her.” -Michelle Malkin, August 11, 2005
“Don’t mock the grieving. Sounds basic enough.” -Skippy
“Mrs. Sheehan, as they say, seems to ‘have issues.’" -Michelle Malkin, August 8, 2005 “All in all, I think Michelle may just have a few problems with people protesting Fearless Leader’s work. It doesn’t seem all that consistent..” -Skippy
“Perhaps this is why the mainstream media has ignored the amazing stories of pro-life activists who have been keeping vigil outside Terri Schiavo's hospice--people like Steve and Tony Sakac, the Withey family, and the Anderson sisters who won't ever appear on the front page of the New York Times or Washington Post. For millions of Americans of faith of all ages, standing up for the sanctity of life is not just an empty slogan--but a deeply-held principle put into action daily. The MSM had ample opportunity to tell the stories of some of the inspiring people who have stood vigil outside Terri Schiavo's hospice. Instead, as they have done throughout this ordeal, they looked the other way.” -Michelle Malkin, March 27, 2005
“That’s right. Michelle Malkin is a woman who will stand up for what she is told to believe in. This is, of course, a woman of Asian heritage who has written a book in defense of the internment of the Japanese during WWII, so perhaps cognitive dissonance is a permanent state for her. Many thanks to the Talent Show for the Quotes.” -Skippy
“President Bush, noting that lots of people want to talk to the president and ‘it's also important for me to go on with my life,’ on Saturday defended his decision not to meet with the grieving mom of a soldier killed in Iraq.” -Cox News Service, August 14, 2005 “Yep. He needs to just get on with HIS life. Why do people insist on bring up those people who have died in the name of his grubby little war? Why do some of the parents of the dead soldiers insist on asking these impertinent questions? Don’t they know he’s the President? Whenever Bush hears about things like this he just thinks back to what his mother taught him..” -Skippy
"Why should we hear about body bags and deaths? Oh, I mean, it's not relevant. So why should I waste my beautiful mind on something like that?" -Barbara Bush, on Good Morning America, March 18, 2003
“And it isn’t like Mr. Bush doesn’t understand sacrifice and hard work.” -Skippy
“When you ride hard on a mountain bike, sometimes you fall. Otherwise you're not riding hard.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, July 7, 2005
“And he understands what we’re fighting for..” -Skippy
“It is hard work. It is hard work to go from a tyranny to a democracy. It's hard work to go from a place where people get their hands cut off, or executed, to a place where people are free. But it's necessary work. And a free Iraq is going to make this world a more peaceful place.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, September 30, 2004
“The Bush administration is significantly lowering expectations of what can be achieved in Iraq, recognizing that the United States will have to settle for far less progress than originally envisioned during the transition due to end in four months, according to U.S. officials in Washington and Baghdad. The United States no longer expects to see a model new democracy, a self-supporting oil industry or a society where the majority of people are free from serious security or economic challenges, U.S. officials say. ‘What we expected to achieve was never realistic, given the timetable or what unfolded on the ground,’ said a senior official involved in policy since the 2003 invasion. ‘We are in a process of absorbing the factors of the situation we're in and shedding the unreality that dominated at the beginning.’” -Seattle Times, August 15, 2005
“You see, it wasn’t like it was a realistic goal. It was a campaign promise, and no one expects you to live up to those.” -Skippy
“Now I have to face stupid reality!” -Homer Simpson
“It's important for people to know that I'm the president of everybody.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 14, 2005
Quotes of the Morning: Don't Stand Too Close to Me
“With the lovely and talented Mrs. Skippy off work today (and celebrating her birthday for the third day in a row), there is no one to complain (ok, no one that I’d listen to) about the Quotes. So I return you now to your regularly scheduled outrage.” -Skippy
"Bethany: What's he like? Metatron: God? Lonely. But funny. He's got a great sense of humor. Take sex for example. There's nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus. Bethany: Sex is a joke in heaven? Metatron: The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too." -Dogma
“On Tuesday night, the Canadian Senate overwhelmingly voted to legalize samesex marriage in a 47 to 21 vote, becoming the fourth nation in the world to do so. Canadian courts have ruled to recognize the rights of gay couples to marry since 2003, legalizing the practice in most provinces. In June, Canada’s House of Commons voted to approve legislation allowing gay couples to marry. […] Canada’s Catholic Church has also been vocal in its opposition. The archbishop of Quebec, Cardinal Mark Ouellet, recently announced that the Church could refuse to baptize children of same sex parents.” -New York Blade, July 22, 2005 “The children of rapists and murderers (and adultering priests) can, of course, be baptized, but children of gay parents? Apparently (it isn’t stated, but what else can it be?) the church is trying to argue that the children of homosexuals can inherit the ‘gay’ gene, making them unloved in the sight of God. Yep, since the children of a couple of gay guys would inherit the gay gene from both fathers it would mean that they would be double-super gay, and thus unable to be baptized. What? Genetics (and biology) don’t work that way? Then what the f**k is the deal here?” -Skippy
"When are you people going to learn? It's not about who's right or wrong. No denomination's nailed it yet, and they never will because they're all too self-righteous to realize that it doesn't matter what you have faith in, just that you have faith. Your hearts are in the right place, but your brains need to wake up." -Serendipity, Dogma
“The Archdiocese of New York is looking into explosive allegations that a top priest who publicly railed against our ‘sex-saturated society’ had a long-term affair with his married church secretary. Msgr. Eugene Clark allegedly romanced 46-year-old Laura DeFilippo at his Hamptons home and a Long Island motel, according to police and court records.” -New York Daily News, August 10, 2005
"Leave it to the Catholics to destroy existence." -Serendipity, Dogma
"Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now we all know how the majority and the media in this country view the Catholic church. They think of us as a passe, archaic institution. People find the Bible obtuse... even hokey. Now in an effort to disprove all that the church has appointed this year as a time of renewal... both of faith and of style. For example, the crucifix. While it has been a time honored symbol of our faith, Holy Mother Church has decided to retire this highly recognizable, yet wholly depressing image of our Lord crucified. Christ didn't come to Earth to give us the willies... He came to help us out. He was a booster. And it is with that take on our Lord in mind that we've come up with a new, more inspiring sigil. So it is with great pleasure that I present you with the first of many revamps the "Catholicism WOW. " campaign will unveil over the next year. I give you... The Buddy Christ. Now that's not the sanctioned term we're using for the symbol, just something we've been kicking around the office, but look at it. Doesn't it... pop? Buddy Christ..." -Cardinal Glick, Dogma
"My birthday-present! It came to me on my birthday, my precious." -Gollum “A few more in celebration of Mrs. Skippy’s birthday.” -Skippy
"When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton." -J.R.R. Tolkien
"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age." -Robert Frost
"There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval." -George Santayana
"My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year." -Steven Wright
"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition." -Timothy Leary
"I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat." -Rebecca West
"Feminism's agenda is basic: it asks that women not be forced to ‘choose’ between public justice and private happiness. It asks that women be free to define themselves--instead of having their identity defined for them, time and again, by their culture and their men." -Susan Faludi
"For most of history, Anonymous was a woman." -Virginia Woolf “This set of Quotes is by the request of Mrs. Skippy, who’s birthday is this coming weekend. She said she wanted some Quotes that weren’t so ‘depressing’. I told her I’d stop making depressing Quotes as soon as the government stopping doing stupid things, but, since I love her..” -Skippy
"Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood." -Oscar Wilde
"I married beneath me. All women do." -Nancy Astor
"Women are cursed, and men are the proof." -Roseanne Barr
"Women should be obscene and not heard." -Groucho Marx
“President Bush lamented the deaths of 14 Marines in Iraq Wednesday, calling the deadly attack a ‘grim reminder’ America is still at war. ‘These terrorists and insurgents will use brutal tactics because they're trying to shake the will of the United States of America. They want us to retreat,’ Bush told some 2,000 state lawmakers, business leaders and public policy experts gathered here. The president spoke on a day when a Marine amphibious assault vehicle patrolling during combat operations in the Euphrates River valley hit a roadside bomb, killing 14 Marines from the same Ohio battalion that lost six men two days ago. ‘Make no mistake about it,' Bush said. ‘We are at war.’'' -New York Times, August 4, 2005 “Thank you Dubya for reminding us of that. You may now return to your five week vacation.” -Skippy
“In 1994, then-Archbishop of Portland William Levada offered a simple answer for why the archdiocese shouldn't have been ordered to pay the costs of raising a child fathered by a church worker at a Portland, Ore., parish. In her relationship with Arturo Uribe, then a seminarian and now a Whittier priest, the child's mother had engaged ‘in unprotected intercourse … when [she] should have known that could result in pregnancy,’ the church maintained in its answer to the lawsuit.” -LA Times, August 3, 2005
“Yes, this would be a case of the Catholic church claiming that they shouldn’t have to pay to raise a child born out of wedlock to a man who is now a priest because the woman should have used protection.. I would like to note that not only is this entirely against the teachings of the church (which states that using protection can cause little problems like eternal damnation), but it also absolves the man for any wrongdoing. Ever hear of a condom, Padre? Protection can work for either gender.. The worst thing is that I was just happy to read that this wasn’t another pedophile case..” -Skippy
“A White House council on volunteerism said Friday it's taking another look at how the President's Call to Service Award -- accompanied by a laudatory letter from President Bush -- was issued to Stanley ‘Tookie’ Williams, a California Death Row inmate who has written a series of books warning young people against the gang life. A spokesman for the President's Council on Service and Civic Participation said that neither the council nor Bush had any way of knowing that the person they were honoring was a condemned multiple murderer. “ -San Francisco Chronicle, August 6, 2005 “You know, I would have thought that when you’re mailing that laudatory letter to death row, well, that should have been a hint. Maybe looking things up on the ‘internets’ would have helped.”” -Skippy
Quotes of the Morning: Marching to a Different Beating
“The Pentagon acknowledged yesterday that two former members of the military team handling prosecutions of suspected terrorists at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, had alleged last year that the trial system was rigged in favor of the government. A Pentagon spokesman said, however, that the prosecutors' charges had been ‘thoroughly investigated’ and dismissed as unfounded. While declining to reveal specifics of the allegations, Lawrence T. Di Rita said an investigation determined they were ‘much ado about nothing.’" -Associated Press, August 2, 2005
“That would be the same Mr. Di Rita who was so irate back in May about the stories regarding copies of the Koran being abused. The one who blamed the reporter for writing the story about it. You know, this one..” -Skippy
"People are dead because of what this son of a bitch said. How could he be credible now?" -Lawrence DiRita, Pentagon Spokesman, as quoted in the May 23 Newsweek
“Of course, that was when this came out..” -Skippy
“In fact, complaints from released inmates that the Koran had been thrown into a toilet go back at least two years.Among the more detailed accounts of United States soldiers mishandling copies of the Koran were depositions from three Britons who were released from Guantánamo in the summer of 2004. Asif Iqbal, one of the men, who were from Tipton, England, and had been captured in Afghanistan, said that guards ‘would kick the Koran, throw it in the toilet and generally disrespect it.’ […] Last month, a former American interrogator confirmed to The New York Times an account given in an interview by a former Kuwaiti detainee, Nasser Nijer Naser al-Mutairi, who said that mishandling of the Koran once led to a major hunger strike. The strike ended only after a senior officer expressed regret over the camp's loudspeaker system, which was simultaneously translated by linguists at the end of each cell block, the former interrogator said. In that case, the accusations were of copies of the Koran being tossed on the floor in a pile and treated roughly, but there was no assertion that any had been put in the toilet.” -New York Times, May 17, 2005 “Maybe Mr. Di Rita isn’t the best place to go to find out if a story is valid or not. But hey, if he says that things are all hunky-dory with the prisoners and their treatment, well, who are we to argue?”” -Skippy
“Iraqi Maj. Gen. Abed Hamed Mowhoush was being stubborn with his American captors, and a series of intense beatings and creative interrogation tactics were not enough to break his will. On the morning of Nov. 26, 2003, a U.S. Army interrogator and a military guard grabbed a green sleeping bag, stuffed Mowhoush inside, wrapped him in an electrical cord, laid him on the floor and began to go to work. Again. It was inside the sleeping bag that the 56-year-old detainee took his last breath through broken ribs, lying on the floor beneath a U.S. soldier in Interrogation Room 6 in the western Iraqi desert. Two days before, a secret CIA-sponsored group of Iraqi paramilitaries, working with Army interrogators, had beaten Mowhoush nearly senseless, using fists, a club and a rubber hose, according to classified documents.... ‘The indig were hitting the detainee with fists, a club and a length of rubber hose,’ according to classified investigative records. Soldiers heard Mowhoush ‘being beaten with a hard object’ and heard him ‘screaming’ from down the hall, according to the Jan. 18, 2004, provost marshal's report. The report said four Army guards had to carry Mowhoush back to his cell.” -Washington Post, August 2, 2005
“Hmm.. Well, even if we are and detaining people illegally and beating them to death, its only to make us safer at home. We’re letting these people do monstrous things to prisoners (in our name) in order to keep American’s safe.” -Skippy
“The State Department issued an updated worldwide caution on terrorism yesterday, warning Americans about the threat of extremist violence against U.S. citizens and interests abroad. The warning did not list countries, nor did department officials offer any additional specifics about threats. The statement said ‘current information’ indicates that al Qaeda and affiliated terrorist groups are planning attacks against U.S. interests in ‘multiple regions, including Europe, Asia, Africa and the Middle East.’ The department's official caution, which supersedes an alert issued in March, said attacks against private and official targets could come in the form of assassinations, kidnappings, hijackings or bombings.” -Washington Post, August 2, 2005 “What? The terrorists aren’t all in the Middle East? We aren’t safe, even if we do give up our traditional values are allow these abuses in our name? What the fuck? -Skippy
“We actually misnamed the war on terror, it ought to be the struggle against ideological extremists who do not believe in free societies who happen to use terror as a weapon to try to shake the conscience of the free world.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, August 6, 2004
“The administration's decision to drop the phrase "global war on terror" in favour of ‘global struggle against violent extremism’ appears part of a wider effort to de-emphasise military solutions and to recruit European allies to help attract moderate Muslim opinion.” -The Guardian UK, August 3, 2005
“President Bush publicly overruled some of his top advisers on Wednesday in a debate about what to call the conflict with Islamic extremists, saying, ‘Make no mistake about it, we are at war.’ In a speech here, Mr. Bush used the phrase ‘war on terror’ no less than five times. Not once did he refer to the ‘global struggle against violent extremism,’ the wording consciously adopted by Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld and other officials in recent weeks after internal deliberations about the best way to communicate how the United States views the challenge it is facing.” -New York Times, August 4, 2005 “I, for one, am happy that we kept it simple with the WoT. I mean, the GSAVE sounded like it was slapped together to get a cool acronym, and the SAIEWDNBIFSWHTUTAAWTTTSTCOTFW? Well, the less said of that the better. We’ll win this war yet, just as soon as we can figure out what the heck it is. Until then, Mr. Bush will bravely fight the War on Terra while on vacation in Texas, which, come to think of it, sounds like what he did during the Vietnam war too..” -Skippy
“'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather scornful tone,' it means just what I choose it to mean, neither more nor less.' 'The question is,' said Alice, 'whether you can make words mean so many different things.' 'The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'which is to be master - that's all.' Alice was too much puzzled to say anything; so after a minute Humpty Dumpty began again. 'They've a temper, some of them - particularly verbs: they're the proudest - adjectives you can do anything with, but not verbs - however, I can manage the whole lot of them! Impenetrability! That's what I say!'” -Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass
“Asked during the briefing ‘are we winning’ the war, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld did not directly respond. ‘The United States and the coalition forces, in my personal view, will not be the thing that will defeat the insurgency,’ Rumsfeld said. ‘So, therefore, winning or losing is not the issue for 'we,' in my view, in the traditional, conventional context of using the word 'winning' and 'losing' in a war. The people that are going to defeat that insurgency are going to be the Iraqis.’" -Reuters, April 26, 2005
“There's a lotta things about me you don't know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand.” -Pee-wee Herman
“President Bush said Monday he believes schools should discuss ‘intelligent design’ alongside evolution when teaching students about the creation of life. During a round-table interview with reporters from five Texas newspapers, Bush declined to go into detail on his personal views of the origin of life. But he said students should learn about both theories, Knight Ridder Newspapers reported.” -Associated Press, August 1, 2005
“We don't need no education We don’t need no thought control No dark sarcasm in the classroom Teachers leave them kids alone Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone! All in all it's just another brick in the wall. All in all you're just another brick in the wall.” -Pink Floyd, “Another Brick in the Wall, Part 2”
“Pee-wee: Hi, Dottie, it’s Pee-wee! Dottie: Pee-wee? Where are you calling from? Pee-wee: Texas! Dottie: Huh? Pee-wee: Honest! I’ll prove it! The stars at night are big and bright..” -Pee-wee’s Big Adventure
“President Bush is getting the kind of break most Americans can only dream of -- nearly five weeks away from the office, loaded with vacation time. The president departed Tuesday for his longest stretch yet away from the White House, arriving at his Crawford ranch in the evening to clear brush, visit with family and friends, and tend to some outside-the-Beltway politics. By historical standards, it is the longest presidential retreat in at least 36 years.” -Washington Post, August 2, 2005
“School's out for summer. School's out forever. School's been blown to pieces” -Alice Cooper, “School’s Out”
“These Quotes brought to you by my hero, the ever-invaluable Billmon.” -Skippy
“We should all look to a future when every government respects the will of its citizens – because the ideal of democracy is universal. For 60 years, my country, the United States, pursued stability at the expense of democracy in this region here in the Middle East – and we achieved neither. Now, we are taking a different course. We are supporting the democratic aspirations of all people.” -Condoleeza Rice, June 22, 2005
“On behalf of the United States, I congratulate my friend, King Abdallah bin Abd al-Aziz Al Saud, on assuming the Saudi throne and the position of Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques. We wish Saudi Arabia peace and prosperity under his leadership.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, August 1, 2005
“A general court in Riyadh sentenced 'Ali al-Dumaini, Dr. Matruk al-Falih and Dr. Abdullah al-Hamid on May 15, 2005, to prison terms of between six and nine years after they attempted to circulate a petition calling for a constitutional monarchy in Saudi Arabia.” -Human Rights Watch, July 27, 2005
“Sticking to tradition, Abdullah immediately appointed his half brother, Defense Minister Prince Sultan, 77, as his crown prince and successor . . . Sultan is likely to appease the religious establishment, which gives the monarchy its legitimacy, rather than continue to reform its institutions.” -Associated Press, August 1, 2005
"’Saudi judges seem unable or unwilling to protect Saudi citizens from arbitrary detention when they try to exercise basic rights like free speech,’ said Sarah Leah Whitson, Middle East and North Africa director for Human Rights Watch. ‘Instead, they have backed the government’s relentless repression of all peaceful political criticism.’" -Human Rights Watch, July 27, 2005
“Oil prices climbed above $61 a barrel to a three-week high on Monday . . . analysts said markets were jittery over longer term Saudi policy, noting that the new king and Crown Prince were both octogenarians. ‘It's this succession struggle and the possible related instability that's the actual concern,’ one trader said.” -Reuters, August 1, 2005
"The government is relying on vaguely defined offenses that it can apply arbitrarily to silence citizens critical of the government. The Saudi Foreign Minister publicly stated his view that Saudi Arabia would become a constitutional monarchy, but three months later the government jailed these ordinary citizens for advocating exactly this." -Human Rights Watch, July 27, 2005
“I have spoken today to the new King, and the United States looks forward to continuing the close partnership between our two countries.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, August 1, 2005
"The head of the panel drawing up Iraq's new constitution announced on Monday that a draft would be ready by a mid-August deadline, as U.S. officials had hoped, easing fears divisions could set back the political process. 'We can get it completed by August 15,' Humam Hammoudi, head of the 71-member drafting committee, told parliament. He said there were still five or six points of difference among drafters but was hopeful they would be resolved on time. Faced with explosive issues such as federalism and the role of religion in the state, the team drafting the constitution had considered taking up to six more months to write it. But the panel came under intense U.S. pressure to submit a draft on time. The Iraqi government and their American backers see the constitution as a key part of any democratic process and hope it can help defuse the two-year-old insurgency. That would in turn allow U.S. troops to withdraw sooner." -Reuters, August 1, 2005
"Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld flew to Baghdad on Wednesday to deliver a blunt message to the Iraqi constitutional committee. 'We don't want any delays,' Rumsfeld said, urging Iraqis to meet the Aug. 15 deadline for approval of a draft charter. 'Now is the time to get on with it.'" -Washington Post, August 2, 2005
"As Iraqi leaders reaffirmed their decision to finish writing the country's constitution by the middle of the month, the new American ambassador here spoke in specific terms about the pending withdrawal of American troops from the country. In his first press conference, Ambassador Zalmay Khalilzad said that American forces would hand over control of specific areas to Iraqi forces and 'withdraw its own units from these areas.' He declined to say which Iraqis cities American soldiers would leave first, but said he had formed a committee with Iraqi leaders to draw up a detailed withdrawal plan." -New York Times, August 1, 2005
"Withdrawal of our troops? Inconceivable! Someone had better tell the president. I know he's against setting timetables, and I know that if he was aware that we are shoehorning a new Constitution down the throats of the newly free Iraqi people just to make political points back home he'd ask for more time. I mean, remember what he said about a month ago?" -Skippy
"'The enemy's goal is to drive us out of Iraq' before a permanent Iraqi government is established, Bush said. 'They will not succeed.' For his part, al-Jaafari thanked the United States and the American people for 'their courage against terrorism.' 'This is not the time to fall back,' he said, as Bush and his administration, as well as U.S. defense officials, face mounting criticism for the way operations are going in Iraq, with some Democrats calling for a timetable for U.S. troop withdrawl. Bush reiterated his stance Friday that a timetable is out of the question. 'We don't have any timetables ... we are there to complete a mission' in the interest of America and peace around the world, he said. 'It doesn't make any sense to give a timetable. If you give a timetable, you're conceding too much to the enemy.'" -Fox News, June 25, 2005
“In a major speech last month, the US president said he would withdraw forces as soon as Iraqis were prepared to take over security responsibility, but added that it would be dangerous to announce a timetable. US senators subsequently demanded a set of benchmarks for assessing progress, calling for updates every 90 days. Today's developments on troops come after a Pentagon report, declassified earlier this month, revealed that Iraqi government forces were nowhere near ready for battle. The report said only a small number were capable of fighting the insurgency on their own.” -Guardian UK, July 27, 2005
“Huh.. What could have changed his mind about timetables, especially if the Iraqi troops aren’t prepared to handle things when we leave?” -Skippy
“’Karl's got my complete confidence. He's a valuable member of my team.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, August 1, 2005
"We've got to get those troops out of Iraq before the midterm elections! This war isn't polling well anymore." -Skippy
"Just 1% of estates paid any estate tax in 2003, according to the IRS. Three quarters of the money raised from the tax comes from estates of more than $5 million.... Of the more than 18,000 estates paying the tax last year, just 340 consist primarily of a single farm or small business.... The Senate measure, which is still being negotiated, would tax inherited wealth of millions of dollars at a lower rate than what a teacher pays on a $70,000 annual salary. It would also give inherited wealth a more privileged status than money made from hard work or putting capital at risk.... The measure would cost the treasury about $196 billion over the next decade. That would require other taxpayers to make up the difference or add yet more debt to be paid off by future generations." -USA Today, July 26, 2005 "Ah yes.. The estate (aka 'death') tax. I remember that from somewhere.." -Skippy
"You know what else I think? You know what else I think when they say, tax the rich? Most rich people are able to avoid taxes, and if you can't raise enough money from taxing the rich, guess who pays the taxes? Yes, you do." -George 'Dubya' Bush, August 11, 2004
"I want you to know that the death tax takes up more than 300 pages of laws and regulations in the current tax code. By getting rid of the death tax forever, we have simplified the code by 300 pages." -George 'Dubya' Bush, December 16, 2004
"If you're working all your life to build up your small business, and you want to leave it whoever you want to leave it to, they shouldn't -- that asset shouldn't be taxed twice, shouldn't tax your income when you're making money, and shouldn't tax it when you pass it on to your son, daughter, whoever you want to pass it on to, it doesn't make -- we're working with the Congress to get rid of it." -George 'Dubya' Bush, October 3, 2003 "Is it just me, or did he call for the elimination of all taxation in the last quote? I'm guessing Fearless Leader is trying to make it easy on Jenna and not-Jenna (how's that job hunt going girls?) when he goes to that big oil rig in the sky, but I could be wrong." -Skippy
"We got into deficit because the economy went into the recession -- is how we got into deficit." -George 'Dubya' Bush, May 5, 2003
