Quotes of the Morning: Don't Stand Too Close to Me

“With the lovely and talented Mrs. Skippy off work today (and celebrating her birthday for the third day in a row), there is no one to complain (ok, no one that I’d listen to) about the Quotes. So I return you now to your regularly scheduled outrage.”
-Skippy

"Bethany: What's he like?
Metatron: God? Lonely. But funny. He's got a great sense of humor. Take sex for example. There's nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus.
Bethany: Sex is a joke in heaven?
Metatron: The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too."
-Dogma

“On Tuesday night, the Canadian Senate overwhelmingly voted to legalize samesex marriage in a 47 to 21 vote, becoming the fourth nation in the world to do so. Canadian courts have ruled to recognize the rights of gay couples to marry since 2003, legalizing the practice in most provinces. In June, Canada’s House of Commons voted to approve legislation allowing gay couples to marry.
[…]
Canada’s Catholic Church has also been vocal in its opposition. The archbishop of Quebec, Cardinal Mark Ouellet, recently announced that the Church could refuse to baptize children of same sex parents.”
-New York Blade, July 22, 2005

“The children of rapists and murderers (and adultering priests) can, of course, be baptized, but children of gay parents? Apparently (it isn’t stated, but what else can it be?) the church is trying to argue that the children of homosexuals can inherit the ‘gay’ gene, making them unloved in the sight of God. Yep, since the children of a couple of gay guys would inherit the gay gene from both fathers it would mean that they would be double-super gay, and thus unable to be baptized. What? Genetics (and biology) don’t work that way? Then what the f**k is the deal here?”
-Skippy

"When are you people going to learn? It's not about who's right or wrong. No denomination's nailed it yet, and they never will because they're all too self-righteous to realize that it doesn't matter what you have faith in, just that you have faith. Your hearts are in the right place, but your brains need to wake up."
-Serendipity, Dogma

“The Archdiocese of New York is looking into explosive allegations that a top priest who publicly railed against our ‘sex-saturated society’ had a long-term affair with his married church secretary.
Msgr. Eugene Clark allegedly romanced 46-year-old Laura DeFilippo at his Hamptons home and a Long Island motel, according to police and court records.”
-New York Daily News, August 10, 2005

"Leave it to the Catholics to destroy existence."
-Serendipity, Dogma

"Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now we all know how the majority and the media in this country view the Catholic church. They think of us as a passe, archaic institution. People find the Bible obtuse... even hokey. Now in an effort to disprove all that the church has appointed this year as a time of renewal... both of faith and of style. For example, the crucifix. While it has been a time honored symbol of our faith, Holy Mother Church has decided to retire this highly recognizable, yet wholly depressing image of our Lord crucified. Christ didn't come to Earth to give us the willies... He came to help us out. He was a booster. And it is with that take on our Lord in mind that we've come up with a new, more inspiring sigil. So it is with great pleasure that I present you with the first of many revamps the "Catholicism WOW. " campaign will unveil over the next year. I give you... The Buddy Christ. Now that's not the sanctioned term we're using for the symbol, just something we've been kicking around the office, but look at it. Doesn't it... pop? Buddy Christ..."
-Cardinal Glick, Dogma