“Bart: Come join us, Lisa. It's so cool: you get to stay up all night drinking blood. Milhouse: And if you say you're a vampire, you get a free small soda at the movies.” -Simpsons, Treehouse of Horror IV
“Homer: Bart! How many times have I told you not to bite your sis -- [gasps] Wait a minute! You *are* a vampire! Abe: Quick! We have to kill the boy! [holds a stake and mallet] Marge: How do you know he's a vampire? Abe: He's a vampire? Aah!” -Simpsons, Treehouse of Horror IV
“Lisa: The only way to get Bart back is to kill the head vampire: Mr. Burns! Homer: Kill my boss? Do I dare to live out the American dream?” -Simpsons, Treehouse of Horror IV “Yes, vampires are scary, but that is nowhere need as frightening as this recently discovered tape indicating the conversations that Fearless Leader had with his advisor prior to the Iraq war…” -Skippy
“Owner: Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse! Homer: [worried] Ooooh, that's bad. Owner: But it comes with a free Frogurt! Homer: [relieved] That's good. Owner: The Frogurt is also cursed. Homer: [worried] That's bad. Owner: But you get your choice of topping! Homer: [relieved] That's good. Owner: The toppings contains Potassium Benzoate. Homer: [stares] Owner: That's bad.” -Simpsons, Treehouse of Horror II
“Hmm… Maybe that wasn’t Fearless Leader after all (though it does sound an awful lot like him). My mistake. Still, the real thing is scary enough.” -Skippy
“The top U.S. military commander in Iraq, Gen. George W. Casey Jr., predicted last week that Iraqi security forces would be able to take control of the country in 12 to 18 months. But several days spent with American units training the Iraqi police illustrated why those soldiers on the ground believe it may take decades longer than Casey's assessment.... ‘I wouldn't let half of them feed my dog,’ 1st Lt. Floyd D. Estes Jr., a former head of the police transition team, said of the Iraqi police. ‘I just don't trust them.’ […] [Jon Moore, the deputy team chief] estimated it would take 30 to 40 years before the Iraqi police could function properly, perhaps longer if the militia infiltration and corruption continue to increase. His colleagues nodded. ‘It's very, very slow-moving,’ Estes said. ‘No,’ said Sgt. 1st Class William T. King Jr., another member of the team. ‘It's moving in reverse.’” -Washington Post, October 31, 2006
“Happy Halloween everyone, and remember that election day is next week.” -Skippy
Quotes of the Morning: Surfs Up! Grab Your Water Boards!
“Water Boarding: The prisoner is bound to an inclined board, feet raised and head slightly below the feet. Cellophane is wrapped over the prisoner's face and water is poured over him. Unavoidably, the gag reflex kicks in and a terrifying fear of drowning leads to almost instant pleas to bring the treatment to a halt. According to the sources, CIA officers who subjected themselves to the water boarding technique lasted an average of 14 seconds before caving in. They said al Qaeda's toughest prisoner, Khalid Sheik Mohammed, won the admiration of interrogators when he was able to last between two and two-and-a-half minutes before begging to confess. ‘The person believes they are being killed, and as such, it really amounts to a mock execution, which is illegal under international law,’ said John Sifton of Human Rights Watch.” -ABC News, November 18, 2005
“The use of a form of torture known as waterboarding to gain information is a ‘no-brainer’, the US vice-president, Dick Cheney, told a radio interviewer, it was reported today. Mr Cheney implied that the technique - a form of simulated drowning - was used on the alleged September 11 mastermind, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, who is being held at Guantánamo Bay.” -Guardian Unlimited (UK), October 27, 2006
“Um.. I believe that waterboarding is considered to be a form of torture in most of the world (at least the civilized parts of it). How can we get out of the fact that the Vice-President just confessed to war crimes?” -Skippy
“Lee Ann McBride, a spokeswoman for Cheney, denied that Cheney confirmed that U.S. interrogators used water-boarding or endorsed the technique. ‘What the vice president was referring to was an interrogation program without torture,’ she said. ‘The vice president never goes into what may or may not be techniques or methods of questioning.’" -McClatchy Newspapers, October 25, 2006 “Oh.. He never said it. That’s a relief. I wonder where the misunderstanding came from...” -Skippy
“Q: I've heard from a lot of listeners -- that's what we do for a living, talk to good folks in the Heartland every day -- and I've talked to as many who want an increased military presence in Iraq as want us out, which seems to be the larger debate, at least coming from the left -- cut and run, get out of there. One fax said, when you talk to the Vice President, ask him when shock and awe is coming back to Iraq. Let's finish the job once and for all. And terrorist interrogations and that debate is another example. And I've had people call and say, please, let the Vice President know that if it takes dunking a terrorist in water, we're all for it, if it saves American lives. Again, this debate seems a little silly given the threat we face, would you agree? THE VICE PRESIDENT: I do agree. And I think the terrorist threat, for example, with respect to our ability to interrogate high value detainees like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, that's been a very important tool that we've had to be able to secure the nation. Khalid Sheikh Mohammed provided us with enormously valuable information about how many there are, about how they plan, what their training processes are and so forth, we've learned a lot. We need to be able to continue that. The Congress recently voted on this question of military commissions and our authority to continue the interrogation program. It passed both Houses, fortunately. The President signed it into law, but the fact is 177 Democrats in the House -- or excuse me, 162 Democrats in the House voted against it, and 32 out of 44 senators -- Democratic senators voted against it. We wouldn't have that authority today if they were in charge. That's a very important issue in this campaign. Are we going to allow the executive branch to have the authority granted and authorized by the Congress to be able to continue to collect the intelligence we need to defend the nation. Q: Would you agree a dunk in water is a no-brainer if it can save lives? THE VICE PRESIDENT: It's a no-brainer for me, but for a while there, I was criticized as being the Vice President ‘for torture.’ We don't torture. That's not what we're involved in. We live up to our obligations in international treaties that we're party to and so forth. But the fact is, you can have a fairly robust interrogation program without torture, and we need to be able to do that. And thanks to the leadership of the President now, and the action of the Congress, we have that authority, and we are able to continue to program.” -Interview with Vice-President Richard ‘Dick’ Cheney, October 24, 2006
“Golly, it sure does sound like Big Dick was not only endorsing the use of water boarding, but he was also saying that it has been used already. Ladies and gentlemen, I believe that the Vice-President of the United States did actually confess to a War Crime. That is kind of big news.” -Skippy
"You know as a matter of common sense that the vice president of the United States is not going to be talking about water boarding. Never would, never does, never will. You think Dick Cheney's going to slip up on something like this? No, come on." -White House Spokesman Tony Snow, October 27, 2006
“Vice President Cheney said yesterday that he was not referring to an interrogation technique known as ‘waterboarding’ when he told an interviewer this week that dunking terrorism suspects in water was a "no-brainer." Cheney told reporters aboard Air Force Two last night that he did not talk about any specific interrogation technique during his interview Tuesday with a conservative radio host. ‘I didn't say anything about waterboarding. . . . He didn't even use that phrase,’ Cheney said on a flight to Washington from South Carolina. Earlier in the day, White House press secretary Tony Snow told reporters that the vice president was talking literally about ‘a dunk in the water,’ though neither Snow nor Cheney explained what that meant or whether such a tactic had been used against U.S. detainees. ‘A dunk in the water is a dunk in the water,’ Snow said.” -Washington Post, October 28, 2006
“My mistake. I guess that Mr. Cheney understood the question to be about dunking tanks.. You know, like the ones that they have at carnivals and stuff. Hit the target with a baseball and the person gets dunked. It was an easy mistake to make. Most people thought that a discussion about torture and dunking would involve discussion of waterboarding, when actually it was about taking the terrorists to the Guantanamo county fair. Mr. Cheney went on to confuse the stacking of blindfolded naked prisoners in Abu Ghraib with a game of Twister. Still, some people don’t believe Mr. Cheney’s innocent answer…” -Skippy
“The ‘dunk in water’ they were talking about is waterboarding. It has been used by the Gestapo, the North Koreans, and the Khmer Rouge. After the Second World War, a Japanese soldier was sentenced to twenty-five years’ hard labor for using it on American prisoners. It is torture, and torture is not a no-brainer. It is a no-souler. The no-brainer is the choice on Election Day.” -The New Yorker, November 6, 2006 Issue
"Who are you going to believe? Me, or you own eyes?" -Groucho Marx
“I like ideas about the breaking away or overthrowing of established order. I am interested in anything about revolt, disorder, chaos, especially activity that seems to have no meaning. It seems to me to be the road towards freedom - external freedom is a way to bring about internal freedom.” -Jim Morrison
“Just a real quick Quotes this morning. Happy Halloween to everyone. I hope that all of you have as good a time with ghouls, goblins and people-who-should-know-better this weekend as I will.” -Skippy
"Heh Heh Heh! Lisa! Vampires are make believe, just like elves and gremlins and eskimos!" -Homer Simpson
"Oh, Lisa, you and your stories: Bart's a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that... building... thingie... where our beds and TV... is." -Homer Simpson
“When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.” -Hunter Thompson
"Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but there may be a bogeyman or bogeymen in the house!" -Homer Simpson “People are strange when you’re a stranger Faces look ugly when you’re alone Women seem wicked when you’re unwanted Streets are uneven when you’re down When you’re strange Faces come out of the rain When you’re strange No one remembers your name When you’re strange” -The Doors, “People are Strange”
“Just remember to put the dead back in their graves before November 7th..” -Skippy
"Oh no, the dead have risen and their voting Republican." -Lisa Simpson
“So we are approaching the scariest days of the year: Halloween and Election Day, so in honor of this fright-filled season I give you Quotes about fear.” -Skippy
“Falsehood is invariably the child of fear in one form or another.” -Aleister Crowley
“Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear.” -Albert Camus
“The great strength of the totalitarian state is that it forces those who fear it to imitate it.” -Adolf Hitler
“I have one great fear in my heart, that one day when they have turned to loving, they will find we are turned to hating.” -Alan Paton
“Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom, in the pursuit of truth as in the endeavor after a worthy manner of life.” -Bertrand Russell
“The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge.” -Albert Einstein
“From craving arises sorrow, from craving arises fear, but he who is freed from craving has no sorrow and certainly no fear.” -Buddha
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” -Yoda
Quotes of the Morning: Staying the Course, Part Deux
“Well, listen, we’ve never been stay the course, George. We have been – we will complete the mission, we will do our job and complete the goal, but we’re constantly adjusting tactics, constantly.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush on “This Week”, October 22, 2006
“Yes! Fearless Leader finally clears up an issue that has been constantly lied about in the liberal press. He clearly and decisively states that he has NEVER been ‘stay the course’. This Administration has always been flexible regarding what to do in Iraq. It is just the darned liberal media and the Democrats (and probably Bill Clinton) that have been spreading these vicious lies.” -Skippy
“We’re not going to lose in Iraq. As a matter of fact, we will win in Iraq so long as we stay the course.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, July 11, 2006
"This conflict is a long way from over. It's going to be a battle that will last for a very long time. It is absolutely essential that we stay the course." -Vice-President Richard ‘Dick’ Cheney, July 21, 2006 “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” -Inigo Montoya
“I think the thing you do, number one is, you bring to justice those who are guilty of breaking laws. And certainly this is not a government that condones rape, murder, or the abuse of human rights. The second thing you do is you stay the course..” -White House Spokesman Tony Snow, July 10, 2006 “Oddly enough Tony Snow did not choke to death while trying to say that.. Apparently working for the White House can subdue one’s gag reflex. Still, while Fearless Leader may have been somewhat incorrect in saying that he was never ‘stay the course’, it is apparent that now he is ready to make some changes to our tactics in Iraq.” -Skippy
“HANNITY: A lot of debate has no emerged over the phrase ‘stay the course,’ and what that actually means. ‘Well, the President is backing away from staying the course.’ RUMSFELD: Aww, that’s nonsense. HANNITY: He’s not backing away from staying the course? RUMSFELD: Of course not. The concern was that it gave opponents the chance to say, ‘Well, he’s not willing to make adjustments,’ and of course, just the opposite is true.” -Interview with Sean Hannity and Donald Rumsfeld, October 24, 2006 “Hmm.. The Rummy is saying that we actually *are* staying the course. How can we possibly find out the answer to this vexing conundrum?”” -Skippy
“U.S. officials said Tuesday Iraq’s government has agreed to develop a timeline for progress by the end of the year, and Iraqi forces should be able to take full control of security in the country in the next 12 to 18 months with ‘some level’ of American support. Gen. George Casey, the top U.S. commander in Iraq, also said he felt the United States should continue to focus on drawing down the number of American forces in the country, adding that he would not hesitate to ask for more troops if he felt they were necessary.” -Associated Press, October 24, 2006
“Obviously a change of course. Instead of our current tactics of trying to reduce troop levels in Iraq by using the ‘stand down as they stand up’ theory of boosting Iraq’s army, now we will try to do.. um.. exactly the same thing, but with a theoretical timeline that will be issued ‘by the end of the year’ (aka: after the November elections) and a new spint.” -Skippy
“He accepted everything. The past was alterable. The past never had been altered. Oceania was at war with Eastasia. Oceania had always been at war with Eastasia. Jones, Aaronson, and Rutherford were guilty of the crimes they were charged with. He had never seen the photograph that disproved their guilt. It had never existed, he had invented it. He remembered remembering contrary things, but those were false memories, products of selfdeception.” -George Orwell, 1984
“Russia's President Vladimir Putin has been overheard joking about the virility of his Israeli counterpart, who is accused of multiple rape. A Russian journalist said Mr Putin joked that President Moshe Katsav was a ‘mighty man’, adding ‘we all envy him’. Mr Katsav is facing allegations that he raped members of his staff. He strongly denies the claims. A Kremlin spokesman admitted Mr Putin made a joke, but said it was not meant to be overheard.” -BBC News, October 20, 2006
“Wow.. Just. Wow. Putin was joking about rape and how ‘manly’ it is. Geez. How can this not be a big scandal? How can people still respect him? Who could still like the guy after this?” -Skippy
“I looked into his eyes and took the measure of his soul,” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, upon his first meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin
I brought him [Vladimir Putin] to my ranch because, as the good people in this part of the world know, that you only usually invite your friends into your house. -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, Nov. 15, 2001
“I looked the man in the eye. I found him to be very straightforward and trustworthy. We had a very good dialogue. I was able to get a sense of his soul; a man deeply committed to his country and the best interests of his country ... I wouldn't have invited him to my ranch if I didn't trust him.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, on Vladamir Putin, June 16, 2001
“Oh who am I kidding? We all know that these Quotes all pre-date Putin’s little rape ‘joke’. Of course Fearless Leader should work a little more on his ‘soul-seeing’ super powers, since I am pretty sure that people who joke favorably about rape should the souls dark enough for our psychic President to notice. Still, maybe Fearless Leader was blinded by other things.” -Skippy
“Russian President Vladimir Putin says terrorist attacks in Iraq are aimed at preventing the re-election of U.S. President George W. Bush and that a Bush defeat ‘could lead to the spread of terrorism to other parts of the world.’" -CNN, October 18, 2004
“See? Putin was, early on at least, a definite Bush-man, and we all know that ass-kissing is like kryptonite to Fearless Leader. When he gets around it all of his super soul-searching and Decider powers go away (see: Rumsfeld, Donald). Still, nothing lasts forever.” -Skippy
“Russian President Vladimir Putin launched a blistering attack on the United States, accusing it of running a ‘dictatorship’ over global affairs and able only to worsen humanity's problems. ‘Dictatorship, the more so dictatorship in international affairs, has never solved and could not have solved such problems in the history of mankind,’ Putin said. ‘Only a balanced democratic system of international law,’ could help ease those problems, he said. ‘Even when dictatorship is beautifully gift-wrapped in pseudo-democratic phraseology it has never been capable of resolving such systemic problems. On the contrary, it can only make them worse,’ Putin said.” -AFP, December 4, 2004
“Less than two months after making sure to endorse Dubya, Putin turned around and said that the United States was running a dictatorship over global affairs. It’s like he didn’t love Fearless Leader anymore. I’m sure that Fearless Leader and Putin will kiss and make up though. They still have a lot in common: nuclear bombs and common goals.” -Skippy
“President Vladimir Putin outlined plans Monday to ‘radically’ change the Russian political system in a way that would increase his own power, portraying the moves as a means of combating terrorism in the aftermath of this month's deadly school seizure. Putin's plan would eliminate the popular election of governors and individual members of parliament. The president would appoint governors, subject to the confirmation of regional legislatures. All members of the lower house of parliament, known as the State Duma, would be drawn from party lists rather than elected in individual districts.” -Washington Post, September 13, 2004
“But I also made it clear to [Vladimir Putin] that it's important to think beyond the old days of when we had the concept that if we blew each other up, the world would be safe.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, May 1, 2001 “So never fear True Believers.. When trouble is brewing and a brutal, repressive, civil-rights destroying solution is needed, the signal will go out from the White House and the Dictatorship Duo will leap into action once again..” -Skippy
“Get me Pootie-Poot on the phone!” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, requesting a conversation with Russian President Vladimir Putin, as reported in Time magazine, May 27, 2002
“To heck with the politics today.. Let’s celebrate a very special birthday. That of one of the patron saints of the Halloween season: the late, great, Bela Lugosi.” -Skippy “To portray a maniac offers a compelling challenge.” -Bela Lugosi “There was no male vampire type in existence. Someone suggested an actor of the Continental School who could play any type, and mentioned me.” -Bela Lugosi “I have never met a vampire personally, but I don't know what might happen tomorrow.” -Bela Lugosi “If I stepped out of my character for even a moment, the seething menace of the terrible Count Dracula was gone, and my hold on the audience lost its force.” -Bela Lugosi “Ah, what letters women wrote me! Young girls. Women from 17 to 30. Asking me if I cared only for maiden's blood.” -Bela Lugosi “To win a woman, take her with you to see Dracula.” -Bela Lugosi “I'd like to quit the supernatural roles and play just an interesting, down-to-earth person.” -Bela Lugosi “Don't do it. If you do, you'll just be haunting houses the rest of your life, like me.” -Bela Lugosi “Of all the roles I've done on the stage, I'm partial to Cyrano de Bergerac.” -Bela Lugosi “White on white translucent black capes Back on the rack Bela Lugosi's dead The bats have left the bell tower The victims have been bled Red velvet lines the black box Bela Lugosi's dead” -Bauhaus, “Bela Lugosi’s Dead”
“To heck with the politics today.. Let’s celebrate a very special birthday. That of one of the patron saints of the Halloween season: the late, great, Bela Lugosi.” -Skippy “To portray a maniac offers a compelling challenge.” -Bela Lugosi
“There was no male vampire type in existence. Someone suggested an actor of the Continental School who could play any type, and mentioned me.” -Bela Lugosi
“I have never met a vampire personally, but I don't know what might happen tomorrow.” -Bela Lugosi
“If I stepped out of my character for even a moment, the seething menace of the terrible Count Dracula was gone, and my hold on the audience lost its force.” -Bela Lugosi
“Ah, what letters women wrote me! Young girls. Women from 17 to 30. Asking me if I cared only for maiden's blood.” -Bela Lugosi
“To win a woman, take her with you to see Dracula.” -Bela Lugosi
“I'd like to quit the supernatural roles and play just an interesting, down-to-earth person.” -Bela Lugosi
“Don't do it. If you do, you'll just be haunting houses the rest of your life, like me.” -Bela Lugosi
“Of all the roles I've done on the stage, I'm partial to Cyrano de Bergerac.” -Bela Lugosi “White on white translucent black capes Back on the rack Bela Lugosi's dead The bats have left the bell tower The victims have been bled Red velvet lines the black box Bela Lugosi's dead” -Bauhaus, “Bela Lugosi’s Dead”
“Embattled U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum said America has avoided a second terrorist attack for five years because the ‘Eye of Mordor’ has instead been drawn to Iraq. Santorum used the analogy from one of his favorite books, J.R.R. Tolkien's 1950s fantasy classic, ‘Lord of the Rings,’ to put an increasingly unpopular war in Iraq into terms any school kid could easily understand. ‘As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else,’ Santorum said, describing the tool the evil Lord Sauron used in search of the magical ring that would consolidate his power over Middle-earth. ‘It's being drawn to Iraq and it's not being drawn to the U.S.,’ he continued. ‘You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don't want the Eye to come back here to the United States.’" -The Herald-Standard (Uniontown, PA), October 17, 2006
“Gandalf: He's suffered a defeat, yes, but... behind the walls of Mordor, our enemy is regrouping. Gimli: Let him stay there. *Let him rot!* Why should we care? Gandalf: Because 10,000 Orcs now stand between Frodo and Mount Doom. I've sent him to his death. Aragorn: No. There is still hope for Frodo. He needs time... and safe passage across the plains of Gorgoroth. We can give him that. Gimli: How? Aragorn: Draw out Sauron's armies. Empty his lands. Then we gather our full strength and march on the Black Gate. Eomer: We cannot achieve victory through strength of arms. Aragorn: Not for ourselves. But we can give Frodo his chance if we keep Sauron's Eye fixed upon us. Keep him blind to all else that moves. Legolas: A diversion. Gandalf: Sauron will suspect a trap. He will not take the bait.” -The Lord of the Rings, Return of the King
“Of course! That explains our tactics in Iraq. We don’t really expect to win the war there. Iraq is just a distraction to draw the Eye of Sauron away from the United States so that Fearless Leader can destroy the One True Ring and end terrorism once and for all. Now that Senator Santorum has said it it all seems so.. obvious.” -Skippy
“The recent arrests that our fellow citizens are now learning about are a stark reminder that this nation is at war with Islamic fascists who will use any means to destroy those of us who love freedom to hurt our nation. “ -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, August 10, 2006 “Aragorn: Are you frightened? Frodo: Yes. Aragorn: Not nearly frightened enough. I know what hunts you.” -Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring “Gandalf: Confound it all, Samwise Gamgee. Have you been eavesdropping? Sam: I haven't been droppin' no eaves sir, honest. I was just cutting the grass under the window there, if you'll follow me. Gandalf: A little late for trimming the verge, don't you think? Sam: I heard raised voices. Gandalf: What did you hear? Speak. Sam: N-nothing important. That is, I heard a good deal about a ring, and a dark lord, and something about the end of the world, but nothing important. Please, Mr. Gandalf, sir, don't hurt me. Don't turn me into anything... unnatural.” -Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring
“The National Security Agency has been secretly collecting the phone call records of tens of millions of Americans, using data provided by AT&T, Verizon and BellSouth, people with direct knowledge of the arrangement told USA TODAY.” -USA Today, May 11, 2006 “Saruman: We must join with Him, Gandalf. We must join with Sauron. It would be wise, my friend. Gandalf: Tell me, ‘friend’, when did Saruman the Wise abandon reason for madness?” -Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring
“We support the election process, we support democracy, but that doesn't mean we have to support governments that get elected as a result of democracy.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, March 29, 2006
"A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it." -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, July 26, 2001
“Gollum: It came to me, my own, my love... my... preciousssss.” -Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring
“America's strength is found in the spirit and character of our people. During National Character Counts Week, we renew our commitment to instilling values in our young people and to encouraging all Americans to remember the importance of good character. […] NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim October 15 through October 21, 2006, as National Character Counts Week. I call upon public officials, educators, librarians, parents, students, and all Americans to observe this week with appropriate ceremonies, activities, and programs.” -Proclamation by the President of the United States, October 13, 2006 “Fantastic! It is National Character Counts Week! Fearless Leader, how do you intend to celebrate?” -Skippy
“Some of the most notorious names in the war on terror are headed toward prosecution after President Bush signed a law Tuesday authorizing military trials of terrorism suspects. The legislation also eliminates some of the rights defendants are usually guaranteed under U.S. law, and it authorizes continued harsh interrogations of terror suspects. […] Civil libertarians and leading Democrats decried the law as a violation of American values. The American Civil Liberties Union said it was ‘one of the worst civil liberties measures ever enacted in American history.’ Democratic Sen. Russ Feingold of Wisconsin said, ‘We will look back on this day as a stain on our nation's history.’ ‘It allows the government to seize individuals on American soil and detain them indefinitely with no opportunity to challenge their detention in court,’ Feingold said. ‘And the new law would permit an individual to be convicted on the basis of coerced testimony and even allow someone convicted under these rules to be put to death.’" -Associated Press, October 17, 2006
“Oh.. You signed into law a bill that allows torture and does away with habeas corpus.. One of those little legal points dating back to 1215. Personally I would have thought that cake or maybe ice cream would have been sufficient for the celebration. Just remember though, National Character Counts week is just one week in October, and we all know what October is...” -Skippy
“Domestic violence has no place in our society, and we have a moral obligation to help prevent it. The terrible tragedies that result from it destroy lives and insult the dignity of women, men, and children. National Domestic Violence Awareness Month is an opportunity to underscore our commitment to bringing an end to violence in the home. A home should be a place of stability, comfort, and love. Domestic violence shatters this important foundation. My Administration is strongly committed to addressing domestic violence and helping those who have been victimized. […] NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim October 2006 as National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I urge all Americans to reach out to victims and help end domestic violence. “ -Proclamation by the President of the United States, September 29, 2006 “That’s right! National Domestic Violence Awareness Month! Whoo hoo! Fearless Leader, do you have any NDVAM parties to attend?” -Skippy
“Bush to attend Sherwood fundraiser next week at Keystone President Bush’s appearance Oct.19 in Northeastern Pennsylvania will be for a $350-per-person fundraiser for U.S. Rep. Don Sherwood at Keystone College, LaPlume Township.” -Times-Tribune (Scranton, PA), October 12, 2006
“Don Sherwood? Hmm.. the name sounds familiar. Would that be this Don Sherwood?..” -Skippy
“Police responded to the Washington, D.C., apartment of U.S. Rep. Don Sherwood seven months ago after a woman who was visiting called 911 and reported he choked her. Sherwood, R-Tunkhannock, says he was falsely accused. He pointed to a police report that stated the woman backed off the claim. He also said he’s the victim of a political smear. No one has been charged in what the police termed a domestic incident.” -Wilkes-Barre Times Leader, April 30, 2005
“In the ad, he acknowledges that the affair nearly cost him [Sherwood] the love of his wife and his daughters. He said his family has worked through it ‘because of my deep regret, our love and the fact that the allegation of abuse was never true.’ ‘While I’m truly sorry for disappointing you, I never wavered from my commitment to reduce taxes, create jobs and bring home our fair share,’ Sherwood said, addressing viewers. ‘Should you forgive me, you can count on me to keep on fighting hard for you and your family.’” -Associated Press, October 4, 2006 “The one accused of choking his mistress? Fearless Leader, I have to give you credit. This kind of thing is the bold kind of ‘in-your-face’ contradiction between your words and actions that we have come to know and expect from you. Well done sir. Well done.” -Skippy
“At home, the job of a president is to help cultures change. The culture needs to be changed. I call it, so people can understand what I'm talking about, changing the culture from one that says, ‘If it feels good, do it, and if you've got a problem, blame somebody else,’ to a culture in which each of us understands we're responsible for the decisions we make in life. I call it the responsibility era.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, May 1, 2004
“Well, the good news is that Fearless Leader is apparently doing his job. The culture in Washington is changing. Unfortunately it isn’t really changing for the better. Fearless Leader seems to have some issues with choosing the right people though..” -Skippy
“Bernie Kerik is one of the most accomplished and effective leaders of law enforcement in America. In his career, he has served as an enlisted military police officer in Korea, a jail warden in New Jersey, a beat cop in Manhattan, New York City corrections commissioner, and as New York's 40th police commissioner -- an office once held by Teddy Roosevelt. In every position, he has demonstrated a deep commitment to justice, a heart for the innocent, and a record of great success. “ -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, December 3, 2004
“We don't care if your nanny was an illegal immigrant. We don't care if you didn't pay income taxes for her. We forgive you, Bernie, because you allegedly have what Washington desperately needs in this era of tepid, tedious bureaucrats -- multiple mistresses, mob ties, $6 million in dubious stock profits on stun guns, an arrest warrant that was never served and, best of all, a ‘secret love nest’ that the New York Daily News reports you used for ‘passionate liaisons.’" -Washington Post, Essay, December 14, 2004
“Most recently Bush’s former head of the FDA stepped down due to some little bookkeeping errors.” -Skippy
“Former FDA chief Lester Crawford has agreed to plead guilty to charges of failing to disclose a financial interest in PepsiCo Inc. and other firms regulated by his agency, his lawyer said Monday. The Justice Department accused the former head of the Food and Drug Administration in court papers of falsely reporting that he had sold stock in companies when he continued holding shares in the firms governed by FDA rules.” -Associated Press, October 16, 2006
‘Still, this isn’t the first time that people appointed by Fearless Leader and his Legion of Doom have been in trouble.” -Skippy
“The CIA leak investigation is ‘not over,’ special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald said Friday after announcing charges against I. Lewis ‘Scooter’ Libby, Vice President Dick Cheney's chief of staff. Fitzgerald said he will be keeping the investigation ‘open to consider other matters.’ But, he said, ‘the substantial bulk of the work in this investigation is concluded.’ Libby resigned Friday after a federal grand jury indicted him on five charges related to the leak probe: one count of obstruction of justice, two counts of perjury and two counts of making false statements.” -CNN, October 29, 2005
“A federal jury found former White House aide David H. Safavian guilty yesterday of lying and obstructing justice, making him the highest-ranking government official to be convicted in the spreading scandal involving disgraced former lobbyist Jack Abramoff. Safavian, a former chief of staff of the General Services Administration, was convicted in U.S. District Court here of covering up his many efforts to assist Abramoff in acquiring two properties controlled by the GSA, and also of concealing facts about a lavish weeklong golf trip he took with Abramoff to Scotland and London in the summer of 2002.” -Washington Post, June 21, 2006
“Former White House adviser Claude A. Allen took responsibility yesterday for shoplifting from stores in Montgomery County last year, saying that the months leading up to the thefts were marked by huge stress and sleep deprivation. Allen, 45, who came from humble roots, put himself through law school and held several prominent government jobs before becoming President Bush's top aide on domestic policy in 2005, wept in court after thanking relatives and friends for standing by him. He pleaded guilty to one count of misdemeanor theft.” -Washington Post, August 5, 2006
“The one thing that we do know though is this: The buck stops before it makes it to the current White House. Somehow this is all Clinton’s fault. He is probably responsible for all of the Foley and Hastert scandals in the House too..” -Skippy
“The FBI raided the homes of Rep. Curt Weldon's daughter and a close friend Monday in an investigation of whether the congressman improperly helped the pair win lobbying and consulting contracts. Agents searched four locations in the Philadelphia area and two in Jacksonville, Fla., said Debbie Weierman, an FBI spokeswoman in Washington. The congressman's home and his offices were not among the locations searched, she said.” -Associated Press, October 17, 2006
“..and Weldon. Curse you Bill Clinton! How dare you be responsible for all of this! How could you have made these poor, innocent Republicans do these terrible things?” -Skippy
“The current Congress has shown no inclination to investigate the Bush administration. Last year The Boston Globe offered an illuminating comparison: when Bill Clinton was president, the House took 140 hours of sworn testimony into whether Mr. Clinton had used the White House Christmas list to identify possible Democratic donors. But in 2004 and 2005, a House committee took only 12 hours of testimony on the abuses at Abu Ghraib.” -Paul Krugman, October 16, 2006
“With all this discussion about Representative Foley and his affection for a little underage lovin’, the Republican party is looking hard for something to draw media attention away from the pedophile in the House of Representatives. Luckily such an opportunity has shown itself. Thank you Curt Weldon for creating a new scandal to avoid the old one. It is always a relief to see just another scandal about greed and nepotism.” -Skippy
“The FBI is investigating whether Rep. Curt Weldon, R-Pa., used his influence to secure lobbying and consulting contracts for his daughter, two people familiar with the inquiry said Saturday. The inquiry focuses on lobbying contracts worth $1 million that Weldon's daughter, Karen Weldon, obtained from foreign clients and whether they were assisted by the congressman, they said. They spoke on condition of anonymity because of the confidentiality of the criminal investigation. Weldon, a 10-term Republican from the Philadelphia suburbs, long has denied any wrongdoing, and his top aide Saturday said no one had notified him of an investigation.” -Associated Press, October 14, 2006
“Weldon’s office reacted with outrage late Friday night, denying that an investigation is under way and claiming the report is an attempt to influence the Nov. 7 election. ‘There is no investigation,’ said the congressman’s spokesman, John Tomaszewski. ‘There is no formal investigation and there is no inquiry. There’s nothing. This is nonsense, ludicrous.’ Tomaszewski said neither Weldon nor anyone in his office has been contacted by the Justice Department. The sources of the story said the FBI obtained evidence over the last few months suggesting that the congressman may have broken the law by assisting Karen Weldon in obtaining overseas contracts. One source, described only as a law enforcement official, said Weldon hadn’t yet been told of the inquiry.” -Of the Times, October 14, 2006
“Oh Curt.. Thank you so much. If it weren’t for you they would have had to distract us using the War in Iraq, and trust me, no one wants to think about that…” -Skippy
“At least 83 people were killed during a two-day spree of sectarian revenge killings, as Iraq's government said Sunday it was indefinitely postponing a much-anticipated national reconciliation conference. Separately, the U.S. military reported the deaths of a Marine and four soldiers. -Associated Press, October 15, 2006
“Luckily Fearless Leader is still on top of things.. He will make sure that the Republican Party comes out on top with his leadership and keen, incisive mind..” -Skippy
“The official White House line of supreme self-assurance comes from the top down. Bush has publicly and privately banished any talk of losing the GOP majorities, in part to squelch any loss of nerve among his legions. Come January, he said last week, ‘We'll have a Republican speaker and a Republican leader of the Senate.’ The question is whether this is a case of justified confidence -- based on Bush's and Rove's electoral record and knowledge of the money, technology and other assets at their command -- or of self-delusion. Even many Republicans suspect the latter.” -Washington Post, October 15, 2006
“Yes, Fearless Leader understands.. If we just refuse to talk about the chance of defeat in the election then we can’t lose. So far that logic has worked out nicely for us in Iraq, so why wouldn’t it work in the elections?” -Skippy
“Three U.S. soldiers were killed Saturday when their vehicle was hit by a roadside bomb, the U.S. military said in a statement Sunday. Their deaths raised the toll to 49 U.S. troops killed so far for the month, putting October on track to be one of the deadliest months in the war for American soldiers.” -Washington Post, October 15, 2006
“The stakes couldn't be any higher, as I said earlier, in the world in which we live. There are extreme elements that use religion to achieve objectives.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, October 11, 2006
“Those monsters! Extremists blatantly using religion as a way to achieve objectives! They must be stopped!” -Skippy
“TUCKER CARLSON: It goes deeper than that though. The deep truth is that the elites in the Republican Party have pure contempt for the evangelicals who put their party in power. Everybody in... CHRIS MATTHEWS: How do you know that? How do you know that? CARLSON: Because I know them. Because I grew up with them. Because I live with them. They live on my street. Because I live in Washington, and I know that everybody in our world has contempt for the evangelicals. And the evangelicals know that, and they're beginning to learn that their own leaders sort of look askance at them and don't share their values. MATTHEWS: So this gay marriage issue and other issues related to the gay lifestyle are simply tools to get elected? CARLSON: That's exactly right. It's pandering to the base in the most cynical way, and the base is beginning to figure it out.” -Christ Matthews Show, CNN, October 8, 2006
“And this isn’t some liberal nambsy-pambsy America-hating traitor we are talking about. This is Tucker Carlson. This is a man who has earned his lack of respect on the left (and in dance clubs). This is a man who managed to get this out of Jon Stewart..” -Skippy
"You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show." -Jon Stewart, to Tucker Carlson, Crossfire, October 15, 2004
“Still, Tucker may have just gone, um, temporarily insane?.. Or drunk?.. Or was abused as a child? Heck, I don’t know. I’m just trying to give the excuses that they always seem to bring out when a scandal hits when someone accidentally tells the truth.” -Skippy
“’Tempting Faith’s’ author is David Kuo, who served as special assistant to the president from 2001 to 2003. A self-described conservative Christian, Kuo’s previous experience includes work for prominent conservatives including former Education Secretary and federal drug czar Bill Bennett and former Attorney General John Ashcroft.... He says some of the nation’s most prominent evangelical leaders were known in the office of presidential political strategist Karl Rove as ‘the nuts.’ ‘National Christian leaders received hugs and smiles in person and then were dismissed behind their backs and described as ‘ridiculous,’ ‘out of control,’ and just plain ‘goofy,' Kuo writes.” -MSNBC, October 11, 2006
“Hey, what does he know? He is lying. He was just a special assistant to Fearless Leader for three years. In fact, the only reason that he is spreading these kind of lies is because he is a conservative Christian who was offended by the Administration calling evangelicals ‘nuts’. (I figure that the cognitive dissonance in that sentence is no worse than saying that ‘we went to war to spread peace’ or that ‘we need to limit our civil rights to protect our freedom’..” -Skippy
“I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.” -Mark Twain
“Ok.. I have no shame. I am blatantly ripping these next two off from Billmon over at the Whiskey Bar. Too good not to use. Apparently Denny Hastert, head of the House of Representatives, has looked into the current scandal and has found that this is, in the words of Shakespeare, much ado about nothing.” -Skippy
"I have understood what my staff's told me, and I think from that response they've handled it as well as they should. However, in 20-20 hindsight, probably you could do everything a little bit better. But if there is problem, if there was a coverup, then we should find that out through the investigation process. They'll be under oath, and we'll find out. If they did cover something up, then they should not continue to have their jobs." -Representative Denny Hastert, October 10, 2006
“May I take this opportunity of emphasizing that there is no cannibalism in the Royal Navy. Absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount, more than we are prepared to admit, but all new ratings are warned that if they wake up in the morning and find toothmarks at all anywhere on their bodies, they're to tell me immediately so that I can immediately take every measure to hush the whole thing up.” -Sir John, Monty Python’s Flying Circus
“So there is no problem (except for that little scandal). Still, Hastert is on top of things (or is that a bad thing to say in this case?).” -Skippy
"’I'm deeply sorry this has happened,’ Hastert, R-Ill., said outside his district office, ‘and the bottom line is we're taking responsibility.’ ‘Ultimately, the buck stops here,’ Hastert said of the controversy enveloping the House, former Republican Rep. Mark Foley of Florida and the page program, an institution almost as old as Congress itself.” -Associates Press, October 6, 2006
“So Hastert is taking full responsibility.” -Skippy
"The buck stops here," he said at a press conference outside his office in Batavia, but added: "I haven't done anything wrong, obviously." -Chicago Tribune, October 5, 2006
“Except of course that, no matter what went wrong, he obviously did nothing wrong.” -Skippy
“’I think ... they've handled [the Foley matter] as well as they should,’ Hastert said of his aides in Aurora, Ill., where he delivered a speech on the economy. Still, he said, ‘If anybody's found to have hidden information or covered up information, they really should be gone.’" -LA Times, October 11, 2006 “Still, Mr. ‘Buck Stops Here’ Hastert wants to make sure that you know: If something went wrong in his office, he promises to fire someone on his staff. After all, this is the Administration that promised personal responsibility, so something will be done (to a staffer). They don’t seem to be buying it though in the Press.” -Skippy
"’It would be very hard to believe if Palmer knew that kind of detail, he wouldn't have acted upon it, and it's hard to imagine [Hastert's chief of staff] Scott Palmer would have spared the speaker that knowledge,’ said one former Republican leadership aide, who spoke on the condition of anonymity for fear of jeopardizing his lobbying contacts. Within Hastert's operation, some staff members appear to point accusingly at Van Der Meid, who is in charge of ethics matters and is widely believed to have steered Hastert wrong before. Van Der Meid, a former chief Republican counsel for the House Committee on Standards of Official Conduct, helped engineer the failed effort to change GOP ethics rules to allow an indicted lawmaker to remain in the leadership. The power play was designed to keep then-House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Tex.) at his post, but it backfired spectacularly, embarrassing many Republicans and leaving a blemish on Hastert's record.” -Washington Post, October 12, 2006
“Luckily Fearless Leader is all over this story and instinctively understands its importance to the Republican Party.” -Skippy
“President Bush, maintaining that the congressional page scandal has neither hampered his party's chances on Election Day nor hurt the credibility of House Speaker Dennis Hastert, said Wednesday that his party's commitment to cutting taxes and protecting national security will ‘drive the election.’" -Chicago Tribune, October 12, 2006 “So, as the Republican Party seems to do these days when things seem bad, they have fallen back on their weapon of first resort: Attack!” -Skippy
“Republican Rep. Christopher Shays defended the House speaker's handling of a congressional page scandal, saying no one died like at Chappaquiddick in 1969 when Democratic Sen. Ted Kennedy was involved. ‘I know the speaker didn't go over a bridge and leave a young person in the water, and then have a press conference the next day,’ the embattled Connecticut congressman told The Hartford Courant in remarks published Wednesday. ‘Dennis Hastert didn't kill anybody,’ he added.” -Associated Press, October 11, 2006
“I’m sure that everyone will sleep easier knowing that no matter how much the Republicans in charge of the House of Representatives have covered up the scandal of a Republican congressman molesting boys for up to the last six or so years.. well, that still isn’t as bad as what Ted Kennedy did accidentally 37 years ago. And when we torture people that isn’t so bad because Saddam was worse. You know, for a party that prides itself on their absolute morality, it sure seems that they are a bunch of moral relativists. Can’t they ever just do something right because it is.. right? It seems that instead of doing the right thing they keep doing the wrong thing and then comparing it to something else that they think will make it look better. Confusing.” -Skippy
“Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam...” -The Impressive Clergyman, The Princess Bride “Today marks the day that three years ago the lovely and delightful Mrs. Skippy and I were married. I hope that all of you are as lucky in life as I have been.” -Skippy
“In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” -Rita Rudner
“Grandpa: [narrating] Nothing gave Buttercup as much pleasure as ordering Westley around. Buttercup: Farm boy, polish my horse's saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by morning. Westley: As you wish. Grandpa: [narrating] ‘As you wish’ was all he ever said to her. Buttercup: Farm boy, fill these with water - please. Westley: As you wish. Grandpa: [narrating] That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying ‘As you wish’, what he meant was, ‘I love you.’ And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back. Buttercup: Farm boy... fetch me that pitcher. Westley: As you wish. [Cut to them kissing] The Grandson: Hold it, hold it. What is this? Are you trying to trick me? Where's the sports? The Grandson: Is this a kissing book? Grandpa: Wait, just wait. The Grandson: Well, when does it get good?” -The Princess Bride "I first learned the concepts of non-violence in my marriage." -Mahatma Gandhi
“Love and marriage, love and marriage Go together like a horse and carriage This I tell you brother You can't have one without the other Love and marriage, love and marriage It's an institute you can't disparage Ask the local gentry And they will say it's elementary Try, try, try to separate them It's an illusion Try, try, try, and you will only come To this conclusion Love and marriage, love and marriage Go together like a horse and carriage Dad was told by mother You can't have one without the other” -Frank Sinatra, Love and Marriage (or the theme to ‘Married with Children’… Take your pick..) “How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.” -Oscar Wilde
“Grandpa: And as they reached for each other... [stops reading] Grandson: What? What? Grandpa: Ah, it's kissing again. You don't want to hear that. The Grandson: I don't mind so much. Grandpa: Oh, okay.” -The Princess Bride
“Iraqi Shiite residents of Baghdad's Sadr City expressed anger yesterday over a picture of a grinning Jesus they mistook for a Shiite holy figure that appeared in the area after a joint US-Iraqi operation. Residents found a picture of ‘Buddy Jesus’ from the 1999 film ‘Dogma’ posted in the streets, accompanied by a badly photocopied pamphlet bearing a crude approximation of a US military crest and outlining a US ‘plan’ to subjugate the neighbourhood.” -AFP, October 1, 2006
“Ok, that is completely silly. Kevin Smith’s movie was making fun of some aspects of Christianity (specifically the Roman Catholic church), not Islam. Don’t believe me? I’ll give you quotes.. Oh, and the figure was called ‘Buddy Christ’, not ‘Buddy Jesus’.” -Skippy
“Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now we all know how the majority and the media in this country view the Catholic church. They think of us as a passe, archaic institution. People find the Bible obtuse... even hokey. Now in an effort to disprove all that the church has appointed this year as a time of renewal... both of faith and of style. For example, the crucifix. While it has been a time honored symbol of our faith, Holy Mother Church has decided to retire this highly recognizable, yet wholly depressing image of our Lord crucified. Christ didn't come to Earth to give us the willies... He came to help us out. He was a booster. And it is with that take on our Lord in mind that we've come up with a new, more inspiring sigil. So it is with great pleasure that I present you with the first of many revamps the ‘Catholicism WOW. ‘ campaign will unveil over the next year. I give you... The Buddy Christ. Now that's not the sanctioned term we're using for the symbol, just something we've been kicking around the office, but look at it. Doesn't it... pop? Buddy Christ...” -Cardinal Glick (George Carlin), Dogma
Cardinal Glick: Fill them pews, people, that's the key. Grab the little ones as well. Hook 'em while they're young. Rufus: Kind of like the tobacco industry? Cardinal Glick: Christ, if only we had their numbers. -Dogma
Cardinal Glick: The Catholic Church does not make mistakes. Rufus: Please. What about the Church's silent consent to the slave trade? Bethany: And its platform of noninvolvement during the Holocaust? Cardinal Glick: All right, mistakes were made. -Dogma
“Leave it to the Catholics to destroy existence.” -Serendipity, Dogma
“Bethany: I think God is dead. Liz: The sign of a true Catholic.” -Dogma
“So you see, Dogma was a movie that I can understand pissing people off, but not the Islamic people, and certainly not like this..” -Skippy “A car bomb detonated in Shaab, a mainly Shiite district of Baghdad, soon after the evening's iftar meal. The blast killed 10 people and wounded 23, said Abdul-Karim Khalaf, an Interior Ministry spokesman. It was the deadliest attack on a day when at least 18 Iraqis were killed across the country.” -Associated Press, October 10, 2006 “Apparently there is a lot of religious warfare in Iraq now (go figure). It is Sunni vs. Shiite vs. Kurds and it is beginning to break down to the religious factions within the larger groups also.” -Skippy
“Rufus: He still digs humanity, but it bothers Him to see the shit that gets carried out in His name - wars, bigotry, but especially the factioning of all the religions. He said humanity took a good idea and, like always, built a belief structure on it. Bethany: Having beliefs isn't good? Rufus: I think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier. Life should malleable and progressive; working from idea to idea permits that. Beliefs anchor you to certain points and limit growth; new ideas can't generate. Life becomes stagnant.” -Dogma
“Nope. I love the movie Dogma, but I realize that it might be a bit much for some people.. Still, I can’t understand why it would generate this kind of hatred..” -Skippy
“Nun: You don't believe in God because of Alice in Wonderland? Loki: No, ‘Through the Looking Glass’. That poem, ‘The Walrus and the Carpenter’ that's an indictment of organized religion. The walrus, with his girth and his good nature, he obviously represents either Buddha, or... or with his tusk, the Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha. That takes care of your Eastern religions. Now the carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised a carpenter's son, he represents the Western religions. Now in the poem, what do they do... what do they do? They... They dupe all these oysters into following them and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en masse. I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following these faiths based on mythological figures ensure the destruction of one's inner-being. Organized religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions... by inhibiting our decisions, out of... out of fear of some... some intangible parent figure who... who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says... and says, ‘Do it - Do it and I'll f*ckin' spank you.‘" -Dogma
“It is just kind of sad when a misunderstanding about a movie can go so far to justify its premise.. Some days I don’t understand the world.” -Skippy
“I have issues with anyone who treats faith as a burden instead of a blessing. You people don't celebrate your faith; you mourn it.” -Serendipity, Dogma
“Iraqi Shiite residents of Baghdad's Sadr City expressed anger yesterday over a picture of a grinning Jesus they mistook for a Shiite holy figure that appeared in the area after a joint US-Iraqi operation. Residents found a picture of ‘Buddy Jesus’ from the 1999 film ‘Dogma’ posted in the streets, accompanied by a badly photocopied pamphlet bearing a crude approximation of a US military crest and outlining a US ‘plan’ to subjugate the neighbourhood.” -AFP, October 1, 2006
“Ok, that is completely silly. Kevin Smith’s movie was making fun of some aspects of Christianity (specifically the Roman Catholic church), not Islam. Don’t believe me? I’ll give you quotes.. Oh, and the figure was called ‘Buddy Christ’, not ‘Buddy Jesus’.” -Skippy
“Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now we all know how the majority and the media in this country view the Catholic church. They think of us as a passe, archaic institution. People find the Bible obtuse... even hokey. Now in an effort to disprove all that the church has appointed this year as a time of renewal... both of faith and of style. For example, the crucifix. While it has been a time honored symbol of our faith, Holy Mother Church has decided to retire this highly recognizable, yet wholly depressing image of our Lord crucified. Christ didn't come to Earth to give us the willies... He came to help us out. He was a booster. And it is with that take on our Lord in mind that we've come up with a new, more inspiring sigil. So it is with great pleasure that I present you with the first of many revamps the ‘Catholicism WOW. ‘ campaign will unveil over the next year. I give you... The Buddy Christ. Now that's not the sanctioned term we're using for the symbol, just something we've been kicking around the office, but look at it. Doesn't it... pop? Buddy Christ...” -Cardinal Glick (George Carlin), Dogma
Cardinal Glick: Fill them pews, people, that's the key. Grab the little ones as well. Hook 'em while they're young. Rufus: Kind of like the tobacco industry? Cardinal Glick: Christ, if only we had their numbers. -Dogma
Cardinal Glick: The Catholic Church does not make mistakes. Rufus: Please. What about the Church's silent consent to the slave trade? Bethany: And its platform of noninvolvement during the Holocaust? Cardinal Glick: All right, mistakes were made. -Dogma
“Leave it to the Catholics to destroy existence.” -Serendipity, Dogma
“Bethany: I think God is dead. Liz: The sign of a true Catholic.” -Dogma
“So you see, Dogma was a movie that I can understand pissing people off, but not the Islamic people, and certainly not like this..” -Skippy “A car bomb detonated in Shaab, a mainly Shiite district of Baghdad, soon after the evening's iftar meal. The blast killed 10 people and wounded 23, said Abdul-Karim Khalaf, an Interior Ministry spokesman. It was the deadliest attack on a day when at least 18 Iraqis were killed across the country.” -Associated Press, October 10, 2006
“Apparently there is a lot of religious warfare in Iraq now (go figure). It is Sunni vs. Shiite vs. Kurds and it is beginning to break down to the religious factions within the larger groups also.” -Skippy
“Rufus: He still digs humanity, but it bothers Him to see the shit that gets carried out in His name - wars, bigotry, but especially the factioning of all the religions. He said humanity took a good idea and, like always, built a belief structure on it. Bethany: Having beliefs isn't good? Rufus: I think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier. Life should malleable and progressive; working from idea to idea permits that. Beliefs anchor you to certain points and limit growth; new ideas can't generate. Life becomes stagnant.” -Dogma “Nope. I love the movie Dogma, but I realize that it might be a bit much for some people.. Still, I can’t understand why it would generate this kind of hatred..” -Skippy
“Nun: You don't believe in God because of Alice in Wonderland? Loki: No, ‘Through the Looking Glass’. That poem, ‘The Walrus and the Carpenter’ that's an indictment of organized religion. The walrus, with his girth and his good nature, he obviously represents either Buddha, or... or with his tusk, the Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha. That takes care of your Eastern religions. Now the carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised a carpenter's son, he represents the Western religions. Now in the poem, what do they do... what do they do? They... They dupe all these oysters into following them and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en masse. I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following these faiths based on mythological figures ensure the destruction of one's inner-being. Organized religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions... by inhibiting our decisions, out of... out of fear of some... some intangible parent figure who... who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says... and says, ‘Do it - Do it and I'll f*ckin' spank you.‘" -Dogma “It is just kind of sad when a misunderstanding about a movie can go so far to justify its premise.. Some days I don’t understand the world.” -Skippy
“I have issues with anyone who treats faith as a burden instead of a blessing. You people don't celebrate your faith; you mourn it.” -Serendipity, Dogma
“North Korea said Sunday night that it had set off its first nuclear test, becoming the eighth country in history, and arguably the most unstable and most dangerous, to proclaim that it has joined the club of nuclear weapons states. The test came just two days after the country was warned by the United Nations Security Council that the action could lead to severe consequences. American officials cautioned that they had not yet received any confirmation that the test had occurred. The United States Geological Survey said it had detected a tremor of 4.2 magnitude on the Korean Peninsula.” -New York Times, October 9, 2006
“Ok.. That is kind of bad news. A member of the ‘Axis of Evil’ has just turned into a nuclear power. Apparently we will be going to war soon, as obviously we cannot allow terrorist sympathizing nations to have nuclear weapons. Heck, we went to war with Iraq over that kind of thing. Remember this?” -Skippy
"The problem here is that there will always be some uncertainty about how quickly he can acquire nuclear weapons. But we don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud." -Condoleezza Rice, September 8, 2002
“Or this?” -Skippy
“Many people have asked how close Saddam Hussein is to developing a nuclear weapon. Well, we don't know exactly, and that's the problem. -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, October 8, 2002
“Saddam Hussein has held numerous meetings with Iraqi nuclear scientists, a group his ‘nuclear mujahedeen,’ his nuclear holy warriors.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, October 8, 2002 “But this is North Korea, not Iraq, so the standards are a little bit different..” -Skippy
“The United States said Wednesday that the discovery of a North Korean freighter loaded with 15 Scud-type missiles was ‘expected’ and unlikely to affect its policy on the reclusive communist state.” -NBC News, December 11, 2002
“They [North Korea] continue to be the single largest proliferator of ballistic missile technology on the face of the earth, and they are putting into the hands of many countries the technologies and capabilities which have the potential for killing hundreds of thousands of people.” -Donald Rumsfeld, December 11, 2002
“I don’t think there’s any change [in U.S. policy].” -Deputy Secretary of State Richard Armitage, December 11, 2002
“No change? Odd.. It is like they don’t want to go after a member of the Axis of Evil. It is kind of like they want to use.. diplomacy.. to solve problems.” -Skippy
“Once we get beyond nuclear weapons, there may be opportunities with the U.S., with private investors, with other countries to help North Korea in the energy area.” -Assistant U.S. Secretary of State James Kelly, January 13, 2002 “Well congratulations Dubya. Now North Korea, with an unstable American-hating dictator, has nuclear weapons. Well done on that ‘national security’ thing. I guess that this is why Dubya and Co. don’t trust that whole ‘diplomacy’ thing. They don’t know how to use it.” -Skippy
“I’m back… Did you miss me? Did we achieve peace in Iraq while I was gone?” -Skippy
"The US general in charge of the multinational coalition in Iraq, General George Casey, said that the next six months will be a decisive period that will determine Iraq's future." -AFP. October 5, 2006
‘Apparently not, though it seems that we are hitting a critical period in Iraq’s future. Six months? Sounds like a nice indefinite period of time. In fact, I think I’ve heard that before..” -Skippy
“With U.S. military withdrawal likely to begin next year, the future of Iraq rests in the hands of its own people, Sen. Chuck Hagel said Wednesday. ‘The next six months will really tell the story,’ he told a Lincoln Chamber of Commerce luncheon audience.” -Lincoln Journal Star, August 18, 2006
“Progress is mixed, but the most important thing that I noticed when I was in Baghdad was the determination of the elected officials, the Iraqi people and of our troops. The next six months are vital.” -Representative Tom Cole (R-OK), August 7, 2006
“Speaking to the Council on Foreign Relations in New York City Friday, Zebari said Zarqawi's death and the now-completed Iraqi cabinet represent ‘a new beginning for the country.’ Zebari, a former member of the Kurdish national resistance campaign against Saddam Hussein, admitted it will take some time for the new government to establish itself. But, he said, the next six months are ‘of crucial importance.’" -Forbes, June 16, 2006
“The next six months will be critical in terms of reining in the danger of civil war. If the government fails to achieve this, it will have lost its opportunity.” US Ambassador to Iraq, Zalmay Khalilzad, June 7, 2006
“The U.S. ambassador said Sunday that Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki will have no honeymoon and will be immediately challenged by al-Qaida and other terrorists. In an interview with the Associated Press one day after the seating of the new leadership, U.S. Ambassador Zalmay Khalilzad outlined the immediate challenges facing the government of national unity and said the next six months will be ‘truly critical.’" -Associated Press, May 22, 2006
“Wow.. Apparently ‘six months’ has been a critical period for at least the last.. um.. six months. Has anyone else noticed this?” -Skippy
“Here's an Iraq war math problem: What do you get by adding ‘timetable for pulling our troops out’ to ‘staying as long as it takes?’ To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure how anyone would make such a calculation. But if you guessed the answer is six months, you'd be in agreement with a number of high-ranking officials. The six-month time frame is like a political pressure-release valve that helps keep public debate about US policy from building up to explosive levels. The first example I noticed was in a Reuters news story Nov. 28, 2005. Virginia Sen. John Warner (R) had just appeared on a TV talk show and was quoted as saying, ‘We have got to stay firm for the next six months. It is a critical period ... in this Iraqi situation, to restore full sovereignty in that country.’ A few paragraphs later, a quote appeared from Delaware Sen. Joe Biden (D), who had also been interviewed on TV. Senator Biden said he didn't believe the war was lost but added, ‘I think we have a six-month window here to get it right. But I have to admit that I think the chances are not a lot better than 50-50.’" -Jeffrey Shaffer, Christian Science Monitor, July 28, 2006
“Ok. I guess some people have noticed. In the realm of the eternal ‘soon’ one name stands out though. A man who has been roundly mocked on the internet for a while now for his perpetual view that six months from now will make a difference. A man for whom the time span of six months has been renamed: Thomas Friedman (as the blog Eschaton has noted and has widely spread.. six months is now to be referred to as one ‘Friedman’.)” -Skippy
"The next six months in Iraq—which will determine the prospects for democracy-building there—are the most important six months in U.S. foreign policy in a long, long time." -Thomas Friedman, November 30, 2003
"What I absolutely don't understand is just at the moment when we finally have a UN-approved Iraqi-caretaker government made up of—I know a lot of these guys—reasonably decent people and more than reasonably decent people, everyone wants to declare it's over. I don't get it. It might be over in a week, it might be over in a month, it might be over in six months, but what's the rush? Can we let this play out, please?" -Thomas Friedman, June 3, 2004
"What we're gonna find out, Bob, in the next six to nine months is whether we have liberated a country or uncorked a civil war." -Thomas Friedman, October 3, 2004
"I think we're in the end game now…. I think we're in a six-month window here where it's going to become very clear and this is all going to pre-empt I think the next congressional election—that's my own feeling— let alone the presidential one." -Thomas Friedman, September 25, 2005
"We've teed up this situation for Iraqis, and I think the next six months really are going to determine whether this country is going to collapse into three parts or more or whether it's going to come together." -Thomas Friedman, December 18, 2005
"We're at the beginning of I think the decisive I would say six months in Iraq, OK, because I feel like this election—you know, I felt from the beginning Iraq was going to be ultimately, Charlie, what Iraqis make of it." -Thomas Friedman, December 20, 2005
"The only thing I am certain of is that in the wake of this election, Iraq will be what Iraqis make of it—and the next six months will tell us a lot. I remain guardedly hopeful." -Thomas Friedman, December 21, 2005
"I think that we're going to know after six to nine months whether this project has any chance of succeeding. In which case, I think the American people as a whole will want to play it out or whether it really is a fool's errand." -Thomas Friedman, January 23, 2006 "I think we're in the end game there, in the next three to six months, Bob. We've got for the first time an Iraqi government elected on the basis of an Iraqi constitution. Either they're going to produce the kind of inclusive consensual government that we aspire to in the near term, in which case America will stick with it, or they're not, in which case I think the bottom's going to fall out." -Thomas Friedman, January 31, 2006 "I think we are in the end game. The next six to nine months are going to tell whether we can produce a decent outcome in Iraq." -Thomas Friedman, March 2, 2006
"Well, I think that we're going to find out, Chris, in the next year to six months—probably sooner—whether a decent outcome is possible there, and I think we're going to have to just let this play out." -Thomas Friedman, May 11, 2006 “Just remember.. You don’t have to promise anything if you can just wait a Friedman or two to see how things work out.” -Skippy
