“Ok everyone.. The Quotes are going to take a little time off. Probably about a month. I’ve been doing this for the last 10 to 11 years or so and I need a little break to recover my energies and to adjust to some changing circumstances. Skippy Junior is on the way and there are a few important things that I need to get in order before that happens, so I’m taking a break. They will return.. Oh yes. And I may drop the occasional one in there during the break, but for the most part they’re going to be gone for a month. You’ll just have to make fun of Fearless Leader on your own.” -Skippy
“If thou dost love life, then do not squander time... for that is the stuff life is made of.” -Benjamin Franklin
“Learning how to operate a soul figures to take time.” -Timothy Leary
“To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else.” -Emily Dickenson
“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.” -Oscar Wilde
“As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey.” -Thomas Edison
“Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness.” -Sigmund Freud
“It is not always by plugging away at a difficulty and sticking to it that one overcomes it; often it is by working on the one next to it. Some things and some people have to be approached obliquely, at an angle.” -Andre Gide
“Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who are alive.” -Harold Whitman
“Make your work to be in keeping with your purpose.” -Leonardo da Vinci
“Another lazy day.. Hmm… What can I slap together in 5 minutes to send out? How about some great quotes from our government?” -Skippy
“Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done. Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.” -The Simpsons
“Oops.. Sorry. That was the Simpsons. Odd that I didn’t catch that immediately…” -Skippy
“Homer: Oh Lisa, there's no record of a hurricane ever hitting Springfield. Lisa: Yes, but the records only go back to 1978 when the hall of records was mysteriously blown away.” -The Simpsons
“Hey.. This actually kind of works. If anything it makes the Administration sound smarter than most of the things that they actually say..” -Skippy
“Kent Brockman: We win again. But the real winners here are Marge's Hors D'Oeuvres. Homer: How do you come up with such witty remarks? [focuses in on ear plug/mic] Guy in the van: I guess you could say its my racket. Kent Brockman: I guess you could say I'm Iraqi. Homer: Get off my property.” -The Simpsons
“Now a few for Fearless Leader. With Karl Rove leaving maybe he can hire a few of the Simpsons writers. They seem to have a firm grip on his speaking style..” -Skippy
“Oh, so they have internet on computers now!” -Homer Simpson
“Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut! Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts! Homer: Explain how! Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services! Homer: Woo-hoo!” -The Simpsons
“How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?” -Homer Simpson
“And now a few for Alberto ‘Badges? We don’t need no stinking badges!’ Gonzales” -Skippy
“Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand? Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)” -The Simpsons
“I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.” -Homer Simpson
“Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.” -Homer Simpson
“Wow. This Administration has come a long way. No matter how hard you try to make fun of them they always seem to be able to be a little worse in real life.” -Skippy
“Seventy-one times Gonzales claimed a faulty memory when members of the Senate committee asked such questions as who decided on the ousted eight, and whether Gonzales was or was not involved in the evaluation process.” -Associated Press, April 20, 2007
“Vice President Dick Cheney said Tuesday a pivotal September report on the war in Iraq is likely to show ‘significant progress’ — putting himself ahead of President Bush, who has refused to speculate on what the report will say. Gen. David Petraeus, the U.S. commander in Iraq, and Ambassador Ryan Crocker are required to report to Congress by Sept. 15 on progress in Iraq. Their evaluation is expected to shape the administration’s next move on the war, including decisions on how many U.S. troops will stay in Iraq, and for how long. ‘The reports I’m hearing from people whose views I respect indicate that the Petraeus plan is in fact producing results,’ Cheney told CNN’s Larry King in an interview to be telecast Tuesday night. ‘Now, admittedly, I’ve been on one side of this argument from the beginning.’” -Associated Press, August 1, 2007
“Big Dick has always been an optimist. The kind of man who always sees his open graves as half full. Still, this is pretty impressive. He apparently has a lot of faith in General Petraeus’ ability to manage this war and what his report will indicate in September. Maybe that is because Petraeus has been a big supporter for a while now.” -Skippy
“I just don't know whether it was all destroyed years ago - I mean, there's no question that there were chemical weapons years ago - whether they were destroyed right before the war, [or] whether they're still hidden.” -Maj. Gen. David Petraeus, Commander 101st Airborne, May 13, 2003
“I mean, this is the kind of guy who had ‘no doubt’ that Iraq still had chemical weapons before the war. This is the kind of guy who thought that the Iraqis were stepping up…” -Skippy
“Until a couple of weeks ago, [Gen. David] Petraeus was in charge of the U.S. effort to train and equip Iraqi forces. In perhaps the most detailed public account so far of the state of Iraq's forces he said 115 army combat and special police battalions were rated as being ‘in the fight.’" -United Press International, October 6, 2005
“…even when his bosses weren’t quite so convinced.” -Skippy
“GEN. CASEY: We fully recognize that Iraqi armed forces will not have an independent capability for some time, because they don't have the institutional base to support them. And so Level 1, as you'll recall from the slide, that's what's got one battalion. And it's going to be a long time before . . . SEN. MCCAIN: Used to be three. Now we've gone from three to one? GEN. CASEY: Pardon me? SEN. MCCAIN: It was three before. GEN. CASEY: Right. SEN. MCCAIN: The previous report was you had three battalions. Now we're down to one battalion. GEN. CASEY: Right, and things change in the battalions. I mean, we're making assessments on personnel, on leadership, on training. SEN. MCCAIN: And you . . . GEN. CASEY: I mean, there are a lot of variables that are involved here, Senator. -Iraq War Hearings, September 29, 2005
“This is the man that Fearless Leader chose to lead his surge in Iraq, and we all know how successful that has been.” -Skippy
“Last week, General Petraeus was in Washington to brief me, and he briefed members of Congress on how the operation is unfolding. He noted that one of the most important indicators of progress is the level of sectarian violence in Baghdad. And he reported that since January, the number of sectarian murders has dropped substantially.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, May 1, 2007
“U.S. officials who say there has been a dramatic drop in sectarian violence in Iraq since President Bush began sending more American troops into Baghdad aren't counting one of the main killers of Iraqi civilians. Car bombs and other explosive devices have killed thousands of Iraqis in the past three years, but the administration doesn't include them in the casualty counts it has been citing as evidence that the surge of additional U.S. forces is beginning to defuse tensions between Shiite and Sunni Muslims.” -McClatchy Newspapers, April 26, 2007
“And the Administration already knows that Petraeus wants to keep on keeping on for a while..” -Skippy
“U.S. officials tell ABC News that the troop levels in Iraq cannot be maintained at the present level, either politically or practically, with the military stretched so thin. But that does not imply an immediate drawdown. Officials tell ABC's Martha Raddatz the senior commanders in Iraq -- Lt. Gen. Ray Odierno and Gen. David Petraeus -- want the surge to continue until at least December, and expect to report enough progress by September to justify the extension.” -ABC News, June 1, 2007
“Yes, General Petraeus is a respected and trusted member of the Administration.” -Skippy
“Here's the lineup of military commanders and ‘military thinkers and planners’ that the president is listening to: Gen. David H. Petraeus, the commander in Iraq. Yesterday in his press conference, Bush mentioned him more than 10 times. Yes, Bush mentioned the Joint Chiefs a few times in some vague way as people he consults with. But Gen. Peter Pace, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and the president's principle military adviser by law? No mention, even by position. Adm. William Fallon, the commander of U.S. Central Command, the president's combatant commander for the region by law and the next in the chain of command above Petraeus? No mention.” -William M Arkin, Washington Post, July 15, 2007
“But… there are times that his devotion to the cause may not be fanatical enough…” -Skippy
“[U.S. Sen. Gordon ]Smith said he recently spoke with Gen. David Petraeus, the new top military commander in Iraq, who told him the troop surge has only a one in four chance of succeeding. -The Oregonian, March 3, 2007
“…and so, since Fearless Leader has made statements like this..” -Skippy
“And he's [Gen Petraeus] making progress. And I believe it's in the interests of this country, for our own security, for the United States Congress to fully support General Petraeus in his mission and to give him time to come back and report to the United States Congress the progress that he's making.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, July 26, 2007
“..well, some small changes may need to be made.” -Skippy
“Despite Bush’s repeated statements that the report will reflect evaluations by Petraeus and Ryan Crocker, the U.S. ambassador to Iraq, administration officials said it would actually be written by the White House, with inputs from officials throughout the government. And though Petraeus and Crocker will present their recommendations on Capitol Hill, legislation passed by Congress leaves it to the president to decide how to interpret the report’s data.” -LA Times, August 15, 2007
“Do you ever get the feeling that this September report is just a big theatrical piece to justify the war?” -Skippy
“Stay with me a while I only wanna talk to you We've traveled halfway 'round the world To find ourselves again September morn We danced until the night Became a brand new day Two lovers playing scenes From some romantic play September morning Still can make me feel that way” -Neil Diamond, ‘September Morn’
“Well, we found out yesterday that Skippy Jr. is doing just fine and still on schedule for arrival at the end of December. We also found out that Skippy Jr. shall be a man-child. I am trying to think whether ‘Thor’ or ‘Beowulf’ is a more appropriate name… In the meantime I’ll just sit here and dream of finally being able to play with toys again without seeming.. you know.. kinda creepy.” -Skippy
“Mattel is recalling nearly one million toys in United States due to use of lead paint; all affected products were made in factories in China; more than 300,000 have already been purchased by consumers; this is toymaker's 17th recall in 10 years.” -New York Times, August 2, 2007
“Um.. a million toys? Still, it was a one time deal. Nothing to worry about.” -Skippy
“Mattel, the world’s largest toy company, yesterday announced the biggest recall in its history. In a double-barreled announcement, the company said it was recalling 436,000 Chinese-made die-cast toy cars depicting the character Sarge from the animated film ‘Cars’ because they are covered with lead paint. At the same time, the toy maker said it was recalling 18.2 million other toys because their small, powerful magnets could harm children if swallowed. The magnetized toys were also made in China, but they followed a Mattel design specification. […] Separately, laboratory tests have found that some Chinese-made vinyl baby bibs sold at Toys ‘R’ Us stores appear to be contaminated with lead. Industry analysts said Mattel’s woes are part of a much larger problem. ‘If I went down the shelves of Wal-Mart and tested everything, I’m going to find serious problems,’ said Sean McGowan, managing director and the toy analyst at Wedbush Morgan Securities. ‘The idea that Mattel — with its high standards — has a bigger problem than everybody else is laughable. If we don’t see an increase of recalls in this industry, then it’s a case of denial.’” -New York Times, August 15, 2007
“Whoa.. 18.6 million toys? This is insane.” -Skippy
“Its first recall of more than a million toys drove a Hong Kong-based Mattel subcontractor to commit suicide over the weekend.” -Forbes.com, August 15, 2007
“I take that back. A recall is sane. Killing yourself over it isn’t. Luckily the problem has been dealt with and now we can all rest easy.” -Skippy
“’No system is perfect,’ Robert A. Eckert, Mattel’s chairman and chief executive, said in a conference call. ‘There’s no guarantee that we will not be here again.’ […] ‘We do realize the need for increased vigilance, increased surveillance,’ said Jim Walter, senior vice president of worldwide quality assurance at Mattel, in an interview.” -New York Times, August 15, 2007
“I’m going to just let Skippy Jr. play with something safe.. Maybe knives or something like that.” -Skippy
“You know.. for kids.” - Norville Barnes, The Hudsucker Proxy
Quotes of the Morning: Making the Beast with Two Fronts
“And finally, I do want to congratulate you on the joint jirga that's coming up. This is a meeting between President Karzai, President Musharraf and representative elements from parts of their respective countries, all coming together to talk about reconciliation and how we can work together -- how you can work together to achieve common solutions to problems. And the main problem is to fight extremism, to recognize that history has called us into action. And by fighting extremists and radicals, we help people realize dreams. And helping people realize dreams helps promote peace. That's what we want.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, August 6, 2007 “Noooooooo!….. I feel like I’m watching that slow-motion scene that seems to happen in every action movie. You know.. The one where the grenade or bomb or whatever is exploding and the hero is running away at full speed in slow-motion. You would think that, after all of these years in office, Fearless Leader would have learned not to say anything optimistic about any future event that he has any influence over, but he just never learns. Well.. Let’s get on with it.” -Skippy
“On Monday, President Bush said after meeting with Afghan President Hamid Karzai at the Camp David retreat that the U.S. would strike at Al Qaeda figures inside Pakistan if it had solid intelligence about their whereabouts, but did not say whether Pakistan would be consulted.” -LA Times, August 8, 2007
“..and so..” -Skippy
“Pakistani President Gen. Pervez Musharraf pulled out Wednesday from a council of hundreds of Pakistani and Afghan tribal leaders aimed at reining in militant violence. Pakistan's Foreign Office said Musharraf was canceling his trip to Kabul because of ‘engagements’ in Islamabad. Pakistani political analyst Talat Masood said, however, that Musharraf probably was responding to recent U.S. criticism of Pakistan's counterterrorism efforts, which has included suggestions that the U.S. could carry out unilateral military strikes against al-Qaida in Pakistan.” -Associated Press, August 8, 2007
“Don’t worry though.. Much of the discussion was to be about how to deal with the Taliban and their resurgence in Afghanistan, and that is no longer an issue..” -Skippy
“Afghanistan's leader, Hamid Karzai, dismissed the Taliban as ‘defeated’ yesterday, saying the doctrinaire Islamic insurgency poses no threat to his government and has been reduced to terrorizing ordinary Afghans. Despite the insurgency still raging across much of southern Afghanistan and the more than 40,000 foreign troops currently waging war against them, President Karzai said the Taliban is ‘a force that's defeated. It's a force that is frustrated. It's a force that is acting in cowardice by killing children going to school.’" -Globe and Mail (Canada), August 7, 2007
“Defeated! No longer an issue! Karzai is in control and everything is going just swimmingly.” -Skippy
“Despite his strong Western backing, Karzai has been the target of three assassination attempts and has struggled to build a robust central government amid longstanding tribal rifts and strong warlord control in the provinces. The resurgence of the Taliban has led to the worst violence in Afghanistan since 2001, particularly over the last 18 months. One issue Karzai wants to raise with Bush is his concern about a rise in deaths of civilians killed in airstrikes by U.S. and NATO-led forces aiming at the Taliban.” -Reuters, August 6, 2007
“Hmm.. Can we spin this..” -Skippy
“After a two-day Camp David meeting with the Afghan President, President George W Bush put a positive spin on Afghanistan's progress. But both the leaders stressed that serious problems remain. The two held talks on a rash of crises confronting Afghanistan civilian killings, a booming drug trade and the brazen resurgence of the Taliban. ‘ 'There is still work to be done, don't get me wrong, but progress is being made, Mr President, and we're proud of you,’ Bush told reporters at a joint news conference. The Afghan leader warned that it could take time to remove narcotics from his country and it was possible with the help of Washington.” -Associated Press, August 7, 2007
“Yes, it might take a little time to get rid of the drugs.” -Skippy
“Afghanistan now produces more than 90 percent of the world's heroin. Illicit narcotics trafficking spiked since U.S.-led forces overthrew the Taliban in late 2001, and the drug trade is helping fund and fuel the Taliban resurgence. Drug production and violence are particularly out of control in the volatile south, where, Schweich said, ‘We see a deteriorating situation, and we need to get it under control.’ Afghan heroin has been making its way into the American Midwest, particularly Chicago and St. Louis, sparking a sharp rise in fatal overdoses. The purity of the powdery-white heroin, and the fact that it can be inhaled, without requiring a needle for injection, has led to its growing use by suburban youngsters, local police and health officials say. American military forces in Afghanistan were reluctant to get involved in the drug war, for fear of driving impoverished farmers into the arms of the Taliban. Now, Schweich said, U.S., NATO and Afghan security forces will focus more strongly than before on poppy production and heroin trafficking.” -Post-Dispatch (St. Lous), August 9, 2007
“We needed to move our troops from Afghanistan to Iraq in order to deal with the danger of Saddam’s weapons of mass destruction (and ‘cause he tried to kill Fearless Leader’s dad), so now we can deal with the War on Terror on both fronts (soon to be three if Big Dick gets his way and attacks Iran). Don’t you feel safer?” -Skippy
“Attacks on American-led forces using a lethal type of roadside bomb said to be supplied by Iran reached a new high in July, according to the American military. The devices, known as explosively formed penetrators, were used to carry out 99 attacks last month and accounted for a third of the combat deaths suffered by the American-led forces, Lt. Gen. Raymond T. Odierno, the No. 2 commander in Iraq, said in an interview.” -New York Times, August 7, 2007
“Yes, those silly Iraqis (the ones we attacked because they were going to build a nuclear bomb any day now) could never have the technical sophistication to develop EFPs. WMDs? Sure, we can believe that they could build those, but now we want to attack Iran, so we need to prove that Iran is the evil one.” -Skippy
“Iraqi and U.S. troops fought militiamen in southeast Diwaniya, a stronghold of Sadr's Mehdi Army, which the Pentagon says poses the greatest threat to peace in Iraq. The head of Sadr's office in the city blamed rogue gunmen. […] Bleichwehl said troops, facing scattered resistance, discovered a factory that produced ‘explosively formed penetrators’ (EFPs), a particularly deadly type of explosive that can destroy a main battle tank and several weapons caches.” -Reuters, April 6, 2007
“Stupid reality! You keep trying to make this difficult.. Ok, so all of the EFPs aren’t coming from Iran, but you’d have to admit that most of the suicide bombers that make the war look bad are probably Iranian!” -Skippy
“This list contains the names and countries of 139 suicide bombers in Iraq. The bombers came from the following countries: Saudi Arabia (53), Iraq (18), Italy (8), Syria (8), Kuwait (7), Jordan (4), Libya (3), Egypt (3), Tunisia (3), Turkey (3), Belgium (2), France (2), Spain (2), Yemen (3), Lebanon (1), Morocco (1), Britain (1), Bengal (1), Sudan (1) and Unknown (18).” -Newsweek, August 2, 2007
“Huh.. Not one listed eh? Strange. And it seems like most of the suicide bombers are from Saudi Arabia, a Sunni nation (and please don’t forget that al Qaeda is a Sunni group) that is our ally, and not from Iran, a Shiite nation, that isn’t.. Funny how that works. I’m sure that we’re just as upset about Saudi Arabia though.” -Skippy
“U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice Sunday defended a $20 million arms sale to Saudi Arabia and other Gulf states saying ‘there's nothing new in this.’ ‘Well, let's remember that the United States has had interesting security cooperation in this region for decades,’ Rice told Chris Wallace on ‘Fox News Sunday. ‘It would make no sense to leave Saudi Arabia or the other Gulf states undefended, incapable of defending themselves or turning to others who might be less reliable in providing for their defense at a time when the security challenges in that region are increasing.’" -Post Chronicle, August 5, 2007
“Don’t worry. Those guns sold to the Saudis won’t be used to attack us.. The insurgency really doesn’t need them.” -Skippy
“More than 190,000 AK-47 assault rifles and pistols distributed to Iraqi forces by the US are missing, feared fallen into the hands of insurgents, a congressional watchdog warned today. The highest previous estimate of missing weapons was 14,000, but a new report from the government accountability office (GAO) said US military officials did not know what had happened to 30% of the weapons the US had given to Iraqi forces since 2004.” - Guardian Unlimited (UK), August 6, 2007
