“Ok everyone.. The Quotes are going to take a little time off. Probably about a month. I’ve been doing this for the last 10 to 11 years or so and I need a little break to recover my energies and to adjust to some changing circumstances. Skippy Junior is on the way and there are a few important things that I need to get in order before that happens, so I’m taking a break. They will return.. Oh yes. And I may drop the occasional one in there during the break, but for the most part they’re going to be gone for a month. You’ll just have to make fun of Fearless Leader on your own.” -Skippy
“If thou dost love life, then do not squander time... for that is the stuff life is made of.” -Benjamin Franklin
“Learning how to operate a soul figures to take time.” -Timothy Leary
“To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else.” -Emily Dickenson
“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.” -Oscar Wilde
“As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey.” -Thomas Edison
“Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness.” -Sigmund Freud
“It is not always by plugging away at a difficulty and sticking to it that one overcomes it; often it is by working on the one next to it. Some things and some people have to be approached obliquely, at an angle.” -Andre Gide
“Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who are alive.” -Harold Whitman
“Make your work to be in keeping with your purpose.” -Leonardo da Vinci
“Another lazy day.. Hmm… What can I slap together in 5 minutes to send out? How about some great quotes from our government?” -Skippy
“Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done. Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.” -The Simpsons
“Oops.. Sorry. That was the Simpsons. Odd that I didn’t catch that immediately…” -Skippy
“Homer: Oh Lisa, there's no record of a hurricane ever hitting Springfield. Lisa: Yes, but the records only go back to 1978 when the hall of records was mysteriously blown away.” -The Simpsons
“Hey.. This actually kind of works. If anything it makes the Administration sound smarter than most of the things that they actually say..” -Skippy
“Kent Brockman: We win again. But the real winners here are Marge's Hors D'Oeuvres. Homer: How do you come up with such witty remarks? [focuses in on ear plug/mic] Guy in the van: I guess you could say its my racket. Kent Brockman: I guess you could say I'm Iraqi. Homer: Get off my property.” -The Simpsons
“Now a few for Fearless Leader. With Karl Rove leaving maybe he can hire a few of the Simpsons writers. They seem to have a firm grip on his speaking style..” -Skippy
“Oh, so they have internet on computers now!” -Homer Simpson
“Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut! Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts! Homer: Explain how! Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services! Homer: Woo-hoo!” -The Simpsons
“How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?” -Homer Simpson
“And now a few for Alberto ‘Badges? We don’t need no stinking badges!’ Gonzales” -Skippy
“Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand? Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)” -The Simpsons
“I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.” -Homer Simpson
“Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.” -Homer Simpson
“Wow. This Administration has come a long way. No matter how hard you try to make fun of them they always seem to be able to be a little worse in real life.” -Skippy
“Seventy-one times Gonzales claimed a faulty memory when members of the Senate committee asked such questions as who decided on the ousted eight, and whether Gonzales was or was not involved in the evaluation process.” -Associated Press, April 20, 2007
“Vice President Dick Cheney said Tuesday a pivotal September report on the war in Iraq is likely to show ‘significant progress’ — putting himself ahead of President Bush, who has refused to speculate on what the report will say. Gen. David Petraeus, the U.S. commander in Iraq, and Ambassador Ryan Crocker are required to report to Congress by Sept. 15 on progress in Iraq. Their evaluation is expected to shape the administration’s next move on the war, including decisions on how many U.S. troops will stay in Iraq, and for how long. ‘The reports I’m hearing from people whose views I respect indicate that the Petraeus plan is in fact producing results,’ Cheney told CNN’s Larry King in an interview to be telecast Tuesday night. ‘Now, admittedly, I’ve been on one side of this argument from the beginning.’” -Associated Press, August 1, 2007
“Big Dick has always been an optimist. The kind of man who always sees his open graves as half full. Still, this is pretty impressive. He apparently has a lot of faith in General Petraeus’ ability to manage this war and what his report will indicate in September. Maybe that is because Petraeus has been a big supporter for a while now.” -Skippy
“I just don't know whether it was all destroyed years ago - I mean, there's no question that there were chemical weapons years ago - whether they were destroyed right before the war, [or] whether they're still hidden.” -Maj. Gen. David Petraeus, Commander 101st Airborne, May 13, 2003
“I mean, this is the kind of guy who had ‘no doubt’ that Iraq still had chemical weapons before the war. This is the kind of guy who thought that the Iraqis were stepping up…” -Skippy
“Until a couple of weeks ago, [Gen. David] Petraeus was in charge of the U.S. effort to train and equip Iraqi forces. In perhaps the most detailed public account so far of the state of Iraq's forces he said 115 army combat and special police battalions were rated as being ‘in the fight.’" -United Press International, October 6, 2005
“…even when his bosses weren’t quite so convinced.” -Skippy
“GEN. CASEY: We fully recognize that Iraqi armed forces will not have an independent capability for some time, because they don't have the institutional base to support them. And so Level 1, as you'll recall from the slide, that's what's got one battalion. And it's going to be a long time before . . . SEN. MCCAIN: Used to be three. Now we've gone from three to one? GEN. CASEY: Pardon me? SEN. MCCAIN: It was three before. GEN. CASEY: Right. SEN. MCCAIN: The previous report was you had three battalions. Now we're down to one battalion. GEN. CASEY: Right, and things change in the battalions. I mean, we're making assessments on personnel, on leadership, on training. SEN. MCCAIN: And you . . . GEN. CASEY: I mean, there are a lot of variables that are involved here, Senator. -Iraq War Hearings, September 29, 2005
“This is the man that Fearless Leader chose to lead his surge in Iraq, and we all know how successful that has been.” -Skippy
“Last week, General Petraeus was in Washington to brief me, and he briefed members of Congress on how the operation is unfolding. He noted that one of the most important indicators of progress is the level of sectarian violence in Baghdad. And he reported that since January, the number of sectarian murders has dropped substantially.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, May 1, 2007
“U.S. officials who say there has been a dramatic drop in sectarian violence in Iraq since President Bush began sending more American troops into Baghdad aren't counting one of the main killers of Iraqi civilians. Car bombs and other explosive devices have killed thousands of Iraqis in the past three years, but the administration doesn't include them in the casualty counts it has been citing as evidence that the surge of additional U.S. forces is beginning to defuse tensions between Shiite and Sunni Muslims.” -McClatchy Newspapers, April 26, 2007
“And the Administration already knows that Petraeus wants to keep on keeping on for a while..” -Skippy
“U.S. officials tell ABC News that the troop levels in Iraq cannot be maintained at the present level, either politically or practically, with the military stretched so thin. But that does not imply an immediate drawdown. Officials tell ABC's Martha Raddatz the senior commanders in Iraq -- Lt. Gen. Ray Odierno and Gen. David Petraeus -- want the surge to continue until at least December, and expect to report enough progress by September to justify the extension.” -ABC News, June 1, 2007
“Yes, General Petraeus is a respected and trusted member of the Administration.” -Skippy
“Here's the lineup of military commanders and ‘military thinkers and planners’ that the president is listening to: Gen. David H. Petraeus, the commander in Iraq. Yesterday in his press conference, Bush mentioned him more than 10 times. Yes, Bush mentioned the Joint Chiefs a few times in some vague way as people he consults with. But Gen. Peter Pace, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and the president's principle military adviser by law? No mention, even by position. Adm. William Fallon, the commander of U.S. Central Command, the president's combatant commander for the region by law and the next in the chain of command above Petraeus? No mention.” -William M Arkin, Washington Post, July 15, 2007
“But… there are times that his devotion to the cause may not be fanatical enough…” -Skippy
“[U.S. Sen. Gordon ]Smith said he recently spoke with Gen. David Petraeus, the new top military commander in Iraq, who told him the troop surge has only a one in four chance of succeeding. -The Oregonian, March 3, 2007
“…and so, since Fearless Leader has made statements like this..” -Skippy
“And he's [Gen Petraeus] making progress. And I believe it's in the interests of this country, for our own security, for the United States Congress to fully support General Petraeus in his mission and to give him time to come back and report to the United States Congress the progress that he's making.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, July 26, 2007
“..well, some small changes may need to be made.” -Skippy
“Despite Bush’s repeated statements that the report will reflect evaluations by Petraeus and Ryan Crocker, the U.S. ambassador to Iraq, administration officials said it would actually be written by the White House, with inputs from officials throughout the government. And though Petraeus and Crocker will present their recommendations on Capitol Hill, legislation passed by Congress leaves it to the president to decide how to interpret the report’s data.” -LA Times, August 15, 2007
“Do you ever get the feeling that this September report is just a big theatrical piece to justify the war?” -Skippy
“Stay with me a while I only wanna talk to you We've traveled halfway 'round the world To find ourselves again September morn We danced until the night Became a brand new day Two lovers playing scenes From some romantic play September morning Still can make me feel that way” -Neil Diamond, ‘September Morn’
“Well, we found out yesterday that Skippy Jr. is doing just fine and still on schedule for arrival at the end of December. We also found out that Skippy Jr. shall be a man-child. I am trying to think whether ‘Thor’ or ‘Beowulf’ is a more appropriate name… In the meantime I’ll just sit here and dream of finally being able to play with toys again without seeming.. you know.. kinda creepy.” -Skippy
“Mattel is recalling nearly one million toys in United States due to use of lead paint; all affected products were made in factories in China; more than 300,000 have already been purchased by consumers; this is toymaker's 17th recall in 10 years.” -New York Times, August 2, 2007
“Um.. a million toys? Still, it was a one time deal. Nothing to worry about.” -Skippy
“Mattel, the world’s largest toy company, yesterday announced the biggest recall in its history. In a double-barreled announcement, the company said it was recalling 436,000 Chinese-made die-cast toy cars depicting the character Sarge from the animated film ‘Cars’ because they are covered with lead paint. At the same time, the toy maker said it was recalling 18.2 million other toys because their small, powerful magnets could harm children if swallowed. The magnetized toys were also made in China, but they followed a Mattel design specification. […] Separately, laboratory tests have found that some Chinese-made vinyl baby bibs sold at Toys ‘R’ Us stores appear to be contaminated with lead. Industry analysts said Mattel’s woes are part of a much larger problem. ‘If I went down the shelves of Wal-Mart and tested everything, I’m going to find serious problems,’ said Sean McGowan, managing director and the toy analyst at Wedbush Morgan Securities. ‘The idea that Mattel — with its high standards — has a bigger problem than everybody else is laughable. If we don’t see an increase of recalls in this industry, then it’s a case of denial.’” -New York Times, August 15, 2007
“Whoa.. 18.6 million toys? This is insane.” -Skippy
“Its first recall of more than a million toys drove a Hong Kong-based Mattel subcontractor to commit suicide over the weekend.” -Forbes.com, August 15, 2007
“I take that back. A recall is sane. Killing yourself over it isn’t. Luckily the problem has been dealt with and now we can all rest easy.” -Skippy
“’No system is perfect,’ Robert A. Eckert, Mattel’s chairman and chief executive, said in a conference call. ‘There’s no guarantee that we will not be here again.’ […] ‘We do realize the need for increased vigilance, increased surveillance,’ said Jim Walter, senior vice president of worldwide quality assurance at Mattel, in an interview.” -New York Times, August 15, 2007
“I’m going to just let Skippy Jr. play with something safe.. Maybe knives or something like that.” -Skippy
“You know.. for kids.” - Norville Barnes, The Hudsucker Proxy
Quotes of the Morning: Making the Beast with Two Fronts
“And finally, I do want to congratulate you on the joint jirga that's coming up. This is a meeting between President Karzai, President Musharraf and representative elements from parts of their respective countries, all coming together to talk about reconciliation and how we can work together -- how you can work together to achieve common solutions to problems. And the main problem is to fight extremism, to recognize that history has called us into action. And by fighting extremists and radicals, we help people realize dreams. And helping people realize dreams helps promote peace. That's what we want.” -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, August 6, 2007 “Noooooooo!….. I feel like I’m watching that slow-motion scene that seems to happen in every action movie. You know.. The one where the grenade or bomb or whatever is exploding and the hero is running away at full speed in slow-motion. You would think that, after all of these years in office, Fearless Leader would have learned not to say anything optimistic about any future event that he has any influence over, but he just never learns. Well.. Let’s get on with it.” -Skippy
“On Monday, President Bush said after meeting with Afghan President Hamid Karzai at the Camp David retreat that the U.S. would strike at Al Qaeda figures inside Pakistan if it had solid intelligence about their whereabouts, but did not say whether Pakistan would be consulted.” -LA Times, August 8, 2007
“..and so..” -Skippy
“Pakistani President Gen. Pervez Musharraf pulled out Wednesday from a council of hundreds of Pakistani and Afghan tribal leaders aimed at reining in militant violence. Pakistan's Foreign Office said Musharraf was canceling his trip to Kabul because of ‘engagements’ in Islamabad. Pakistani political analyst Talat Masood said, however, that Musharraf probably was responding to recent U.S. criticism of Pakistan's counterterrorism efforts, which has included suggestions that the U.S. could carry out unilateral military strikes against al-Qaida in Pakistan.” -Associated Press, August 8, 2007
“Don’t worry though.. Much of the discussion was to be about how to deal with the Taliban and their resurgence in Afghanistan, and that is no longer an issue..” -Skippy
“Afghanistan's leader, Hamid Karzai, dismissed the Taliban as ‘defeated’ yesterday, saying the doctrinaire Islamic insurgency poses no threat to his government and has been reduced to terrorizing ordinary Afghans. Despite the insurgency still raging across much of southern Afghanistan and the more than 40,000 foreign troops currently waging war against them, President Karzai said the Taliban is ‘a force that's defeated. It's a force that is frustrated. It's a force that is acting in cowardice by killing children going to school.’" -Globe and Mail (Canada), August 7, 2007
“Defeated! No longer an issue! Karzai is in control and everything is going just swimmingly.” -Skippy
“Despite his strong Western backing, Karzai has been the target of three assassination attempts and has struggled to build a robust central government amid longstanding tribal rifts and strong warlord control in the provinces. The resurgence of the Taliban has led to the worst violence in Afghanistan since 2001, particularly over the last 18 months. One issue Karzai wants to raise with Bush is his concern about a rise in deaths of civilians killed in airstrikes by U.S. and NATO-led forces aiming at the Taliban.” -Reuters, August 6, 2007
“Hmm.. Can we spin this..” -Skippy
“After a two-day Camp David meeting with the Afghan President, President George W Bush put a positive spin on Afghanistan's progress. But both the leaders stressed that serious problems remain. The two held talks on a rash of crises confronting Afghanistan civilian killings, a booming drug trade and the brazen resurgence of the Taliban. ‘ 'There is still work to be done, don't get me wrong, but progress is being made, Mr President, and we're proud of you,’ Bush told reporters at a joint news conference. The Afghan leader warned that it could take time to remove narcotics from his country and it was possible with the help of Washington.” -Associated Press, August 7, 2007
“Yes, it might take a little time to get rid of the drugs.” -Skippy
“Afghanistan now produces more than 90 percent of the world's heroin. Illicit narcotics trafficking spiked since U.S.-led forces overthrew the Taliban in late 2001, and the drug trade is helping fund and fuel the Taliban resurgence. Drug production and violence are particularly out of control in the volatile south, where, Schweich said, ‘We see a deteriorating situation, and we need to get it under control.’ Afghan heroin has been making its way into the American Midwest, particularly Chicago and St. Louis, sparking a sharp rise in fatal overdoses. The purity of the powdery-white heroin, and the fact that it can be inhaled, without requiring a needle for injection, has led to its growing use by suburban youngsters, local police and health officials say. American military forces in Afghanistan were reluctant to get involved in the drug war, for fear of driving impoverished farmers into the arms of the Taliban. Now, Schweich said, U.S., NATO and Afghan security forces will focus more strongly than before on poppy production and heroin trafficking.” -Post-Dispatch (St. Lous), August 9, 2007
“We needed to move our troops from Afghanistan to Iraq in order to deal with the danger of Saddam’s weapons of mass destruction (and ‘cause he tried to kill Fearless Leader’s dad), so now we can deal with the War on Terror on both fronts (soon to be three if Big Dick gets his way and attacks Iran). Don’t you feel safer?” -Skippy
“Attacks on American-led forces using a lethal type of roadside bomb said to be supplied by Iran reached a new high in July, according to the American military. The devices, known as explosively formed penetrators, were used to carry out 99 attacks last month and accounted for a third of the combat deaths suffered by the American-led forces, Lt. Gen. Raymond T. Odierno, the No. 2 commander in Iraq, said in an interview.” -New York Times, August 7, 2007
“Yes, those silly Iraqis (the ones we attacked because they were going to build a nuclear bomb any day now) could never have the technical sophistication to develop EFPs. WMDs? Sure, we can believe that they could build those, but now we want to attack Iran, so we need to prove that Iran is the evil one.” -Skippy
“Iraqi and U.S. troops fought militiamen in southeast Diwaniya, a stronghold of Sadr's Mehdi Army, which the Pentagon says poses the greatest threat to peace in Iraq. The head of Sadr's office in the city blamed rogue gunmen. […] Bleichwehl said troops, facing scattered resistance, discovered a factory that produced ‘explosively formed penetrators’ (EFPs), a particularly deadly type of explosive that can destroy a main battle tank and several weapons caches.” -Reuters, April 6, 2007
“Stupid reality! You keep trying to make this difficult.. Ok, so all of the EFPs aren’t coming from Iran, but you’d have to admit that most of the suicide bombers that make the war look bad are probably Iranian!” -Skippy
“This list contains the names and countries of 139 suicide bombers in Iraq. The bombers came from the following countries: Saudi Arabia (53), Iraq (18), Italy (8), Syria (8), Kuwait (7), Jordan (4), Libya (3), Egypt (3), Tunisia (3), Turkey (3), Belgium (2), France (2), Spain (2), Yemen (3), Lebanon (1), Morocco (1), Britain (1), Bengal (1), Sudan (1) and Unknown (18).” -Newsweek, August 2, 2007
“Huh.. Not one listed eh? Strange. And it seems like most of the suicide bombers are from Saudi Arabia, a Sunni nation (and please don’t forget that al Qaeda is a Sunni group) that is our ally, and not from Iran, a Shiite nation, that isn’t.. Funny how that works. I’m sure that we’re just as upset about Saudi Arabia though.” -Skippy
“U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice Sunday defended a $20 million arms sale to Saudi Arabia and other Gulf states saying ‘there's nothing new in this.’ ‘Well, let's remember that the United States has had interesting security cooperation in this region for decades,’ Rice told Chris Wallace on ‘Fox News Sunday. ‘It would make no sense to leave Saudi Arabia or the other Gulf states undefended, incapable of defending themselves or turning to others who might be less reliable in providing for their defense at a time when the security challenges in that region are increasing.’" -Post Chronicle, August 5, 2007
“Don’t worry. Those guns sold to the Saudis won’t be used to attack us.. The insurgency really doesn’t need them.” -Skippy
“More than 190,000 AK-47 assault rifles and pistols distributed to Iraqi forces by the US are missing, feared fallen into the hands of insurgents, a congressional watchdog warned today. The highest previous estimate of missing weapons was 14,000, but a new report from the government accountability office (GAO) said US military officials did not know what had happened to 30% of the weapons the US had given to Iraqi forces since 2004.” - Guardian Unlimited (UK), August 6, 2007
“Five Cabinet ministers loyal to Iraq's first post-Saddam Hussein leader will boycott government meetings, further deepening the political crisis that threatens to swamp the administration of Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki, two lawmakers said Monday. The boycott of Iraqiya List ministers loyal to former Prime Minister Ayad Allawi leaves the government, at least temporarily, with no Sunni participants. It was a deep blow to al-Maliki's attempt to craft reconciliation among the country's majority Shiites and minority Sunnis and Kurds. Iraqiya List lawmaker Iyad Jamal-Aldin said the Allawi bloc had suspended Cabinet participation because al-Maliki failed to respond to demands for political reform issued five months ago.” -Associated Press, August 6, 2007
“Well that should simplify matters in Iraq. Most of the problems there seem to be due to a civil war raging between the Sunni and Shiite groups. If the government doesn’t have any Sunni members the government should run much smoother. Look at Basra! It is a primarily Shiite area, and Britain has been able to accomplish wonderful things there..” -Skippy
“Blair said today that Britain will cut its forces in Iraq to 5,500 by summer, down from 7,100 currently. And additional cuts to as few as 5,000 British troops in Iraq are possible by the end of summer, Blair said. But in an exclusive interview with ABC News, Vice President Dick Cheney said the move was actually good news and a sign of progress in Iraq. ‘Well, I look at it and see it is actually an affirmation that there are parts of Iraq where things are going pretty well,’ Cheney told ABC News' Jonathan Karl. ‘In fact, I talked to a friend just the other day who had driven to Baghdad down to Basra, seven hours, found the situation dramatically improved from a year or so ago, sort of validated the British view they had made progress in southern Iraq and that they can therefore reduce their force levels,’ Cheney said.” -ABC News, February 21, 2007
“See? Progress! Dramatic improvement, just like the Big Dick said. Without Sunnis (you know.. ethnic cleansing) the Shiites will all live in peace and harmony.” -Skippy
“As British forces pull back from Basra in southern Iraq, Shiite militias there have escalated a violent battle against each other for political supremacy and control over oil resources, deepening concerns among some U.S. officials in Baghdad that elements of Iraq's Shiite-dominated national government will turn on one another once U.S. troops begin to draw down. Three major Shiite political groups are locked in a bloody conflict that has left the city in the hands of militias and criminal gangs, whose control extends to municipal offices and neighborhood streets. The city is plagued by ‘the systematic misuse of official institutions, political assassinations, tribal vendettas, neighborhood vigilantism and enforcement of social mores, together with the rise of criminal mafias that increasingly intermingle with political actors,’ a recent report by the International Crisis Group said.” -Washington Post, August 7, 2007
“Shh.. Don’t talk about that. It will get in the way of all the progress. The British military has everything under control.” -Skippy
"’The British have basically been defeated in the south,’ a senior U.S. intelligence official said recently in Baghdad. They are abandoning their former headquarters at Basra Palace, where a recent official visitor from London described them as ‘surrounded like cowboys and Indians’ by militia fighters. An airport base outside the city, where a regional U.S. Embassy office and Britain's remaining 5,500 troops are barricaded behind building-high sandbags, has been attacked with mortars or rockets nearly 600 times over the past four months.” -Washington Post, August 7, 2007
“Um.. It isn’t the Shiite groups that are causing problems. They are living in peace and harmony.. Really. I mean it. No, the dangers that the British face come from another source.” -Skippy
“The Iraqi port city of Basra, already prey to a nasty turf war between rival militia factions, has now been gripped by a scary rumour – giant badgers are stalking the streets by night, eating humans.” -Agence France-Presse, July 11, 2007
“The Brits could handle the Shiites or the Sunnis, but no one has ever come up with a defense against Monty Python.” -Skippy
“The heck with it.. I’m tired this morning, and can’t really find any new things to get offended about (just the same-old, same-old civilian murders, American soldier deaths, governmental deception and Fearless Leader). Let’s talk about obscenity, and, since I’m feeling especially lazy, let’s just let Senator Bulworth do the heavy lifting on this one..” -Skippy
“Obscenity? The rich is getting richer and richer and richer while the middle class is getting more poor Making billions and billions and billions of bucks well my friend if you weren't already rich at the start well that situation just sucks cause the richest mother f**ker in five of us is getting ninety f**kin eight percent of it and every other motherf**ker in the world is left to wonder where the f**k we went with it Obscenity? I'm a Senator I gotta raise $10,000 a day every day I'm in Washington I ain't getting it in South Central I'm gettin it in Beverly Hills So I'm votin from them in the Senate the way they want me too and-and-and I'm sending them my bills But we got babies in South Central dying as young as they do in Peru We got public schools that are nightmares We got a Congress that ain't got a clue We got kids with submachine guns We got militias throwing bombs We got Bill just gettin all weepy We got Newt blaming teenage moms We got factories closing down Where the hell did all the good jobs go? Well, I'll tell you where they went My contributors make more profits makin, makin, makin, Hirin' kids in Mexico Oh a brother can work in fast food If he can't invent computer games But what we used to call America That's going down the drains How's a young man gonna meet his financial responsibilities workin and motherf**kin Burger King? He ain't! And please don't even start with that school s**t There aint no education going on up in that motherf**ker Obscenity? We got a million brothers in prison I mean, the walls are really rockin But you can bet your ass they'd all be out If they could pay for Johnny Cochran The constitution is supposed to give them an equal chance Well, that ain't gonna happen for sure Ain't it time to take a little from the rich motherf**ker and give a little to the poor? I mean, those boys over there on the monitor they want a government smaller and weak but they be speakin for the richest 20 percent when they pretend they're defendin the meek Now, s**t, f**k, c**ksucker, that's the real obscenity Black folks livin with every day Trying to believe a mothef**kin word Democrats and Republicans say Obscenity? I'm Jay Billington Bulworth And I've come to say The Democratic party's got some s**t to pay It's gonna pay it in the ghetto It's gonna pay it in the-“ -Senator Jay Bulworth, Bulworth
“The irony of needing to sent this with the real words made into *** is not lost on me.” -Skippy
“President Bush invoked executive privilege Monday to deny requests by Congress for testimony from two former aides about the firings of federal prosecutors. The White House, however, did offer again to make former counsel Harriet Miers and one-time political director Sara Taylor available for private, off-the-record interviews.” -Associated Press, July 10, 2007
“Fearless Leader has a history of bold action. His crusading work in Iraq and his infinite compassion with the situation in New Orleans being only a few of the more notable examples. But he would not be able to move forward with his fierce leadership if he didn’t have an honest assessment of the world around him, and for that he needs good advice from his advisors. He couldn’t get that if people were always pestering them with questions, so Fearless Leader has, once again, taken bold action.” -Skippy
“President Bush is expected to claim executive privilege to prevent two more White House aides from testifying before Congress about the firings of federal prosecutors. Today is the deadline for Karl Rove, Bush's top political adviser, to provide testimony and documents related to the firings, under a subpoena from the Senate Judiciary Committee. Also subpoenaed was White House political aide J. Scott Jennings. The Justice Department included both men on e-mails about the firings and the administration's response to the congressional investigation. White House Counsel Fred Fielding has consistently said that top presidential aides, present and past, are immune from subpoenas, and has declared the documents sought off-limits under executive privilege.” -Associated Press, August 2, 2007
“But wait! He only claimed executive privilege for Karl Rove! J. Scott Jennings testified!” -Skippy
“A young White House political aide was grilled inconclusively by the Senate Judiciary Committee yesterday about the firings of U.S. attorneys after Karl Rove, the president's senior political adviser, failed to show up at the committee's hearing in response to a subpoena.” -Washington Post, August 3, 2007
“Yes, we all knew that Rove wouldn’t show. He is allergic to sunlight and only arises after dark to suck the blood of the living, but what about Jennings? He testified!” -Skippy
“J. Scott Jennings, 29, the deputy political director for the White House, refused to address the firings but tried to explain how thousands -- or possibly millions -- of White House e-mails to and from the political office were transmitted only through communications accounts controlled by the Republican National Committee. That use of the RNC accounts put some of the political office's messages outside the reach of the National Archives, which sought to preserve them under a federal law mandating eventual public access, and the reach of Democratic congressional investigators, who have sought to look at them for evidence of improper actions. Jennings offered a stripped-down explanation: He wanted a White House-supplied BlackBerry and was told no, and so he got one from the RNC, as many other political affairs aides had done. ‘I was receiving a lot of e-mail on my official account. And I requested [a BlackBerry] at that moment, and I was told that it wasn't the custom to give political affairs staffers those devices,’ Jennings said.” -Washington Post, August 3, 2007
“Oh.. He refused to talk about the central issue and his excuse for violating the Presidential Records Act was apparently that he really, really wanted a Blackberry. Good enough for me, though a little confusing. Why wouldn’t the White House want staffers testifying? Well.. apparently they aren’t very good at it. The Executive branch has had problems with expressing itself…” -Skippy
“Nobody has accused me of having a real sophisticated vocabulary. “ -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, October 11, 2006
“…and it shows.” -Skippy
“With potential perjury accusations hanging over him, embattled Attorney General Alberto Gonzales sent a letter to Senate leaders Wednesday acknowledging he ‘may have created confusion’ in his previous testimony. […] ‘I recognize that the use of the term 'Terrorist Surveillance Program' and my shorthand reference to the 'program' publicly 'described by the President' may have created confusion, particularly for those who are knowledgeable about the NSA activities authorized in the presidential order described by the DNI [director of national intelligence], and who may be accustomed to thinking of them or referring to them together as a single NSA 'program,' ‘ Gonzales wrote. [...] Attorney General Alberto Gonzales writes of his concern with ‘suggestions that my testimony was misleading.’ But he said he did not mean to mislead senators and was ‘determined to address any such impression.’" -CNN, August 1, 2007
“You see, it looks bad when people accidentally mislead and confuse Congress with half-truths and little white lies. It is much better to take the simpler, clearer choice.” -Skippy
“Senator, pursuant to the president’s assertion of executive privilege, I must respectfully decline to answer your question at this time.” -White House Deputy Political Director Scott Jennings, August 1, 2007
“Much better.. Now if there were only a way to make not testifying sound like a good thing. Hmm.. something that would make him sound like a mighty hero for ignoring Congress. If there were only some way..” -Skippy
“Jennings, 29, was the first sitting White House official to appear, but he made it clear from the outset that he would not answer any questions related to the firing of the nine prosecutors. ‘I hope that you can appreciate the difficulty of my situation,’ Jennings told the panel. ‘It makes Odysseus’ voyage between Scylla and Charybdis seem like a pleasure cruise.’” -Cox News Service, August 3, 2007
“Well done Mr. Jennings. Someday you will sit at the Emperor’s right hand.” -Skippy
Quotes of the Morning: It Will Be Just Like Nirvana
“I know that this gets redundant at times, but it looks like there was another bad day in Iraq today.” -Skippy
“Baghdad shook with bombings and political upheaval Wednesday as the largest Sunni Arab bloc quit the government and a suicide attacker blew up his fuel tanker in one of several attacks that claimed 142 lives nationwide. The Iraqi Accordance Front's withdrawal from the Cabinet leaves only two Sunnis in the 40-member body, undermining Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki's efforts to pull together rival factions and pass reconciliation laws the U.S. considers benchmarks that could lead to sectarian reconciliation. The U.S. military announced the deaths of four more American soldiers, including three killed in Baghdad on Tuesday by a powerful armor-piercing bomb. Washington says these types of bombs are sent from Iran. The fourth soldier was killed by small arms fire on the same day. A British soldier also was killed Tuesday in a roadside bombing.” -Associated Press, August 2, 2007 “Still, one bad day. It isn’t like this is happening all the time. The media just isn’t looking at the positive side of Iraq.” -Skippy
“The number of Iraqi civilians killed in the country's brutal civil conflict rose by more than a third in July despite a five-month-old surge in US troop levels, government figures showed Wednesday. At least 1,652 civilians were killed in Iraq in July, 33 percent more than in the previous month, according to figures compiled by the Iraqi health, defence and interior ministries and made available to AFP.” -AFP, August 1, 2007
“Silly media. The surge has only been in place for like a month, and we won’t have any idea how it is going until at least September. Really, are 2,750 or so dead civilians over a couple of months really all that important if we can still bring them American Freedom™? I mean, we deposed a dictator! Now we just need to root out the foreign al Qaida terrorists and Iraq will be like Nirvana (and no, I don’t mean that their leader will be killed with a shotgun blast to the head.. though that could happen). Iraq would be ideal if it weren’t for the foreign terrorists.” -Skippy
“Despite President Bush's recent insistence that al Qaida in Iraq is the principal cause of this country's violence, senior American military officers here say Shiite Muslim militias are a bigger problem, and one that will persist even if al Qaida is defeated. ‘The longer-term threat to Iraq is potentially the Shiite militias,’ one senior military officer said, echoing concerns that other American officials raised in recent interviews with McClatchy Newspapers. […] Combating the influence of Shiite militias had long been a cornerstone of American policy in Iraq. But that position changed last January, when President Bush, facing rising congressional and public opposition to the war in Iraq, pronounced al Qaida the No. 1 cause of violence there and said he was dispatching more than 20,000 additional troops to confront the problem. In the months since, as congressional criticism grew, Bush has gone even further, calling al Qaida in Iraq ‘the same people’ responsible for the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, though al Qaida in Iraq didn't form until after the 2003 U.S.-led invasion of Iraq and has at best only hazy ties to the al Qaida of Osama bin Laden.” -McClatchy Newspapers, July 31, 2007
“Ok, so there might be some small issues with hostile armed militias, but we will continue to support the Iraqi security forces, and with their help we will be able to calm things down.” -Skippy
“The Pentagon cannot fully account for $19.2 billion worth of equipment provided to Iraqi security forces, government auditors said Tuesday. The finding by the Government Accountability Office, the investigative arm of Congress, comes a few days after the Pentagon acknowledged that the U.S. and its allies have delivered a little more than a third of the equipment in the pipeline for the Iraqi Army and less than half of what is destined for the Iraqi police. Baghdad officials have long complained that the lack of equipment has made it difficult to train and equip Iraqi forces. Since the program's beginning, the GAO found, consistent records confirming the date of issue, what type of equipment was received, and by what Iraqi unit were not kept. Before December 2005, no centralized records were kept.” -Associated Press, July 31, 2007
“Wow.. That seems like a lot of money (and guns) to have lost. Never fear though, Fearless Leader has a plan to keep costs low so that we can continue to fund the bloodbath, um… I mean security situation… in Iraq.” -Skippy
“President Bush should abandon his threats to veto legislation that would renew the popular State Children’s Health Insurance Program, New Jersey’s senators said today. Sens. Robert Menendez and Frank Lautenberg, both Democrats, urged Bush instead to endorse congressional efforts to cover more low-income children. Speaking on the Senate floor, they added that a country that spends billions each week in Iraq could certainly afford to spend more on its own vulnerable children. Congress is expected to approve SCHIP legislation this week. The Senate measure calls for $35 billion more for the program over the next five years. The House proposes nearly $48 billion. Both would raise federal cigarette taxes and the House bill would cut Medicare Advantage, under which 9 million senior citizens receive coverage from private plans that receive Medicare money. Bush, who has proposed $5 billion for SCHIP, wants states to stop enrolling parents in the future and favors scaling back income eligibility guidelines for future enrollees.” -Gannett News Service, July 31, 2007
“Those poor American children probably didn’t need any kind of medical attention anyway.” -Skippy
“Iraq is obviously not doing all that well. Violence is still rampant, and it doesn’t seem to show signs of stopping. Therefore it is really good to see that we are at least getting the guns off the street.” -Skippy
“First, the number of weapons caches captured -- last year, in all of 2006, the number is 2,726. Already to this point in the year it's nearly 3,700 -- 3,698. As you can see, General Petraeus referred to this as staggering, the improvement in the seizures. Just a couple of examples from recent weeks. First, a coalition raid on July 23rd found 21 rifles and pistols in multiple locations, 28 grenades, 252 rockets, 391 mortar rounds, 475 gallons of nitric acid, and 5,000 pounds of fertilizer. Those who have studied Oklahoma City know how devastating the last two can be. And in an Iraqi raid in An Nasiriyah on the 24th, they found 11 heavy machine guns; 42 IEDs; 70 mortar rounds; and approximately 400 rockets of various calibers.” -Press Gaggle with White House Spokesman Tony Snow, July 31, 2007
“Fantastic! Just a few less guns to be taking aim at our soldiers.” -Skippy
“Thus, DOD and MNF-I cannot fully account for about 110,000 AK-47 rifles, 80,000 pistols, 135,000 items of body armor, and 115,000 helmets reported as issued to Iraqi forces as of September 22, 2005. Our analysis of the MNSTC-I property book records found that DOD and MNF-I cannot fully account for at least 190,000 weapons reported as issued to Iraqi forces as of September 22, 2005.” -“Stabilizing Iraq: DOD Cannot Ensure That U.S.-Funded Equipment Has Reached Iraqi Security Forces”, General Accounting Office, July 2007
“Ok.. So there might be a few guns left. Another problem in Iraq is corruption in the new government.” -Skippy
“The report, written by U.S. advisers to Iraq's anti-corruption agency, analyzes corruption in 12 ministries and finds devastating and grim problems: ‘Corruption protected by senior members of the Iraqi government,’ the report said, ‘remains untouchable.’ […] The draft report cited an incident at the Ministry of Oil that implicated the Shiite minister and four other officials. One of the four was a Sunni. The rest were reportedly Shiites, who were ‘the only ones capable of giving testimony against the minister.’ The minister, the report said, then used a technicality in Iraqi law to exempt the three Shiites from prosecution so that only the Sunni went to prison. That technicality he allegedly used is a Saddam Hussein-era law known as Article 136B that was lifted when Americans first occupied the country. It was reinstated by the Iraqi government. The law allows the prime minister to exempt Cabinet ministers from prosecution and allows ministers to exempt their employees from prosecution. ‘This is tantamount to a get out of jail free card,’ Stuart Bowen, the special inspector general for Iraq reconstruction, told NBC. He pointed to the oil ministry case involving the three Shiites as a stark example of the problem. ‘It exposes the arbitrariness of Article 136B.’ Bowen said the provision ‘essentially acts as a bulwark against effective enforcement. If a minister wants to protect an employee from corruption charges, simply by fiat that minister can do so.’" -NBC News, July 30, 2007
“My God! No wonder we’re having such a problem with corruption there. When high officials can simply make their subordinates immune to prosecution it removes all incentive for their subordinates to help in the judicial process, the backbone of the rule of law. It could cause the downfall of their fledgling democracy!” -Skippy
“The president had initially said he would fire anyone in his administration found to have publicly disclosed the identity of Valerie Plame, the wife of former Ambassador Joseph Wilson and a CIA operative. Ten days ago, Bush commuted the 30-month sentence given to I. Lewis ‘Scooter’ Libby by a federal judge in connection with the case.” -Associated Press, July 12, 2007
"As it considers the contempt resolutions, we think it is important that the Committee appreciate fully the longstanding Department of Justice position, articulated during Administrations of both parties, that ‘the criminal contempt of Congress statute does not apply to the President or presidential subordinates who assert executive privilege.’ -Principal Deputy Assistant Attorney General Brian A. Benczkowski, July 24, 2007
“So we aren’t having much luck with the government or the insurgency in Iraq. Do we have any real good news to report?” -Skippy
“Vice President Dick Cheney said Tuesday a pivotal September report on the war in Iraq is likely to show ‘significant progress’ — putting himself ahead of President Bush, who has refused to speculate on what the report will say. Gen. David Petraeus, the U.S. commander in Iraq, and Ambassador Ryan Crocker are required to report to Congress by Sept. 15 on progress in Iraq. Their evaluation is expected to shape the administration’s next move on the war, including decisions on how many U.S. troops will stay in Iraq, and for how long. ‘The reports I’m hearing from people whose views I respect indicate that the Petraeus plan is in fact producing results,’ Cheney told CNN’s Larry King in an interview to be telecast Tuesday night. ‘Now, admittedly, I’ve been on one side of this argument from the beginning.’” -Associated Press, August 1, 2007
“Hey, if Big Dick says that the report will be favorable, then things must be going well. Our government would never lie to us..” -Skippy
“A year ago, I did give the speech from the carrier, saying that we had achieved an important objective, that we'd accomplished a mission, which was the removal of Saddam Hussein. And as a result, there are no longer torture chambers or rape rooms or mass graves in Iraq." -George ‘Dubya’ Bush, April 30, 2004
