Quotes of the Morning: This Shit is Bananas

“Let me hear you say this shit is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S”
-Gwen Stefani, “Hollaback Girl”

“Banana company Chiquita Brands International said Wednesday it has agreed to a $25 million fine after admitting it paid terrorists for protection in a volatile farming region of Colombia.
The settlement resolves a lengthy Justice Department investigation into the company’s financial dealings with right-wing paramilitaries and leftist rebels the U.S. government deems terrorist groups.
In court documents filed Wednesday, federal prosecutors said the Cincinnati-based company and several unnamed high-ranking corporate officers paid about $1.7 million between 1997 and 2004 to the United Self-Defense Forces of Colombia, known as AUC for its Spanish initials.
The AUC has been responsible for some of the worst massacres in Colombia’s civil conflict and for a sizable percentage of the country’s cocaine exports. The U.S. government designated the right-wing militia a terrorist organization in September 2001.”
-Associated Press, March 14, 2007

"If you feed a terrorist or fund a terrorist, you're a terrorist"
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush

“Don’t worry.. We will arrest the bananas in question and subject them to ‘coercive interrogation’ until they confess. It shouldn’t take long. I hear that these are untrained bananas that will crack easily under torture. They will go straight from green to yellow.
Now that we have the Banana Republic (part of the infamous Axis of Fruit) covered we should really look into dealing with companies trading with Iran. I mean, seriously, they have been telling us for a while how dangerous Iran is, so I can only assume that dealing with them is worse than paying protection money in Columbia”
-Skippy

“Q Do you think it's appropriate for Halliburton to set up an off shore subsidiary and then have operations in Iran? Do you think that's an appropriate thing for a company to do?
MR. McCLELLAN: Are you asking because the Kerry campaign is making some accusations?
Q They're making some accusations --
MR. McCLELLAN: Those are just more political attacks. You can direct questions to the campaign about those political attacks.”
-Press Gaggle with Scott McClellan, White House Spokesman, July 20, 2004

“A U.S. grand jury issued a subpoena to Halliburton Co. seeking information about its Cayman Islands unit's work in Iran, where it is illegal for U.S. companies to operate, Halliburton said on Monday.”
-CNN, July 20, 2004

"I think the US made a mistake in trying to impose a secondary boycott in effect [on companies doing business with Iran]....We used to impose that kind of measure when Arab governments tried to penalize firms ... that did business with Israel. It's a bad idea, bad policy....There's enormous damage I think to the US relationships with some friends around the world and I think it's wrong. I think we'd be better off if we in fact backed off those sanctions, didn't try to impose secondary boycotts on companies like BHP trying to do business over there ... and instead started to rebuild those relationships."
-Dick Chaney, 1998

“That was way back in 2004. It must not have come to anything. I haven’t heard anything further in the press, and Halliburton is still making a fortune off of the Administration as part of the War on Terra, so rumors about them dealing with Iran must have been false.”
-Skippy

“Mr. Cheney, while a top company official between 1995 and 2001, helped Halliburton establish its close ties to the oil-rich family governments of Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Qatar, the United Arab Emirates, and others. And, once Halliburton is no longer subject to American laws, there are many billions to be made in Iran, which needs American expertise to boost its oil production.”
-New York Sun, March 15, 2007

“Sen. Frank Lautenberg, D-N.J., one of Halliburton's most vociferous critics in Washington, called on the Treasury Department to investigate whether the company is trying to broaden its dealings with Tehran.
‘Halliburton has gone to extraordinary lengths in the past to do business with the terrorist government in Iran,’ Lautenberg said.
‘Given Halliburton's past dealings with Iran, the company's odd announcement this week certainly sets off alarm bells about its intention to do business with state sponsors of terrorism.’
A Treasury spokeswoman could not say if Lautenberg's letter would prompt an investigation.
Federal law prohibits U.S. companies from trading directly with Iran.
However, foreign units of American firms can operate there, as long as that entity remains truly independent of the U.S. operation.
[…]
Halliburton has been doing business with Iran for years through a Cayman Islands-registered company called Halliburton Products & Services Ltd., which is based in Dubai.”
-Houston Chronicle, March 13, 2007

“Hey! I hadn’t thought of that! Once Halliburton is incorporated in Dubai they’ll be able to legally work in Iran and Cuba. Huh. Funny how that works. I guess that Iranians, no matter how evil they are, must not be terrorists.”
-Skippy

“U.S. President George W. Bush, who three years ago said Iran and North Korea were part of an ‘axis of evil,’ has emphasised diplomacy in dealing with the two countries.
Bush called Iran the ‘world's primary state sponsor of terror’ and reiterated his accusations that the country is striving to develop nuclear weapons, a charge denied by Iran. He also promised to ‘stand with’ the Iranian people in their quest for liberty, a veiled jab at the republic's ruling clerics.”
-Reuters, February 3, 2005

“Bu.. bu.. but.. If Iran is a ‘state sponsor of terror’ and ‘If you feed a terrorist or fund a terrorist, you're a terrorist’, then that makes Iran a terrorist, and if Iran is a terrorist, then Halliburton is a terrorist too.. And the Administration is paying Hallibuton..
Some days this doesn’t make a lot of sense.”
-Skippy