Quotes of the Morning: The Comedy Stylings of Ann Coulter

“Ok, so looking at the bold words of Fearless Leader every day can get, let’s face it, a little scary. Mortal eyes were not meant to gaze upon such radiance. Today I think a little something lighter is needed. Let’s bring out the court jester in the conservative lineup. Let’s bring out Ann Coulter.”
-Skippy

“Although my Christianity is somewhat more explicit in this book [Godless], Christianity fuels everything I write. Being a Christian means that I am called upon to do battle against lies, injustice, cruelty, hypocrisy—you know, all the virtues in the church of liberalism. As St. Paul said, if Christ is not risen from the dead, then eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die.”
-Ann Coulter, interview with Human Events Online, posted June 6, 2006

“That was a whole nine months ago and, as with much of Ms. Coulter’s fine work, is completely and utterly full of shit. Let’s take a quick look at some of her greatest hits.”
-Skippy

“If we're so cruel to minorities, why do they keep coming here? Why aren't they sneaking across the Mexican border to make their way to the Taliban?”
-Ann Coulter

“My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building. “
-Ann Coulter

“We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity.”
-Ann Coulter

“Whether they are defending the Soviet Union or bleating for Saddam Hussein, liberals are always against America. They are either traitors or idiots, and on the matter of America's self-preservation, the difference is irrelevant.”
-Ann Coulter

“And now some of the new material she’s been trying out.”
-Skippy

“Rumored ex-Marine John Murtha, Democrat congressman from Pennsylvania, has become the darling of the cut-and-run crowd for trying to place absurd restrictions on our troops, amounting to withdrawal from Iraq. Were Arab sheiks whispering into his ear?”
-Ann Coulter, February 22, 2007

“I don’t care what you say, she’s still funnier than Carrot Top. Her point does mirror much of the argument on the right against Murtha’s proposal though. That Murtha guy must be completely out of line..”
-Skippy

“U.S. House of Representatives Democrats will more than fully fund President George W. Bush's request for money to fight wars in Iraq and Afghanistan this year, but are still debating conditions that could be attached, senior lawmakers said on Thursday.
‘There will be $98 billion for the military part,’ about $5 billion above the Bush administration's request, said Rep. John Murtha, chairman of a defense spending panel overseeing war funds.
Murtha told reporters Democrats were still discussing provisions he wants to attach requiring that U.S. troops have proper training, adequate equipment and enough rest before being deployed into combat. ‘We don't have it yet. We keep going back and refining it,’ Murtha said.
-Washington Post, March 1, 2007

“She is right.. I mean, I’ve been reading Murtha’s plan. He’s asking for troops to be adequately rested, trained and equipped before going off to fight in Fearless Leader’s vanity war. Silly, silly silly. His proposal isn’t needed. I mean, if the troops weren’t ready we wouldn’t send them. What do you think we are, stupid?”
-Skippy

“Rushed by President Bush's decision to reinforce Baghdad with thousands more U.S. troops, two Army combat brigades are skipping their usual session at the Army's premier training range in California and instead are making final preparations at their home bases.
[…]
Army officials say the two brigades will be as ready as any others that deploy to Iraq, even though they will not have the benefit of training in counterinsurgency tactics at the National Training Center at Fort Irwin, Calif., which has been outfitted to simulate conditions in Iraq for units that are heading there on year-long tours.”
-Associated Press, February 27, 2007

“Oh, they’ll get their training..”
-Skippy

“Q There was also a report this morning that two Army combat brigades are being sent to Iraq without desert training -- the Associated Press has a story out today -- and that it's because they're being rushed to Iraq to help get the surge in place.
MR. SNOW: Again, let me stress, what happens is, a lot of times you will also do training in theaters, as well as equipping in theater. The generals have made it very clear, and military commanders have made it clear, nobody is going to go into combat activity without proper equipment and training. Period. So if things --
Q But the story flatly says that two brigades are going in without desert training in California. So that doesn't sound like --
MR. SNOW: All right, I understand.
Q -- they're getting the training.
MR. SNOW: Well, but they can get desert training elsewhere, like in Iraq.”
-Press Gaggle with White House Spokesman Tony Snow, February 28, 2007

“They’ll just have to learn by doing. Kind of like dumping someone in the middle of a lake to teach them to swim. They’ll be fine though. Murtha is just making a big deal out of nothing.”
-Skippy

“Nearly 90 percent of Army National Guard units in the United States are rated ‘not ready’ -- largely as a result of shortfalls in billions of dollars' worth of equipment -- jeopardizing their capability to respond to crises at home and abroad, according to a congressional commission that released a preliminary report yesterday on the state of U.S. military reserve forces.
The report found that heavy deployments of the National Guard and reserves since 2001 for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and for other anti-terrorism missions have deepened shortages, forced the cobbling together of units and hurt recruiting.”
-Washington Post, March 1, 2007

"I’m a feminist. I do my goddess work. But I look at Ann Coulter and think, That’s why women shouldn’t work."
-Margaret Cho