Quotes of the Morning: Translation All I Ever Wanted

“Yesterday we discussed how all of you are idiots who cannot understand even the simplest things that Fearless Leader says. Today, to try to help, I will attempt to translate his incredible fluency in Higher English into something that you mere mortals can understand.”
-Skippy

“Yesterday, I went to the Caterpillar plant in Peoria, Illinois -- that's where they make big bulldozers.”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2007

“Translation: You are all still idiots that I need to talk down to.”
-Skippy

“I understand some people don't like accountability, but how can you make sure if our kids are getting the foundation for the skills necessary to compete in the 21st century unless you measure?”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2007

“Translation: Accountability is a wonderful idea for people other than me.”
-Skippy

“When people across the world look at America's economy what they see is low inflation, low unemployment, and the fastest growth of any major industrialized nation. The entrepreneurial spirit is alive and well in the United States. There is one undisputed leader in the world in terms of economy, and that's the United States of America.”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2007

“Translation: What is good for corporate America is good for the country, and no one cares about the minimum wage, median income, or things like this..”
-Skippy

“The United States lags far behind virtually all wealthy countries with regard to family-oriented workplace policies such as maternity leave, paid sick days and support for breast-feeding, a new study by Harvard and McGill University researchers says.
The new data comes as politicians and lobbyists wrangle over whether to scale back the existing federal law providing unpaid family leaves or to push new legislation allowing paid leaves.
The study, officially being issued Thursday, says workplace policies for families in the United States are weaker than those of all high-income countries and many middle- and low-income countries. Notably, it says the U.S. is one of only five countries out of 173 in the survey that does not guarantee some form of paid maternity leave; the others are Lesotho, Liberia, Swaziland and Papua New Guinea.”
-Associated Press, February 1, 2007

“One important step we've taken in Washington is to pass litigation reform like the Class Action Fairness Act. It's important for people in Congress to understand that excessive lawsuits will make it hard for America to remain the economic leader that we want to be. Another important step we've taken is to strengthen our business institutions by passing the Sarbanes-Oxley Act in 2002. This law helped boost investor confidence by establishing high standards for transparency and corporate governance. The principles of Sarbanes-Oxley are as important today as when they were passed. Yet complying with certain aspects of the law, such as Section 404, has been costly for businesses and may be discouraging companies from listing on our stock exchanges.
We don't need to change the law. We need to change the way the law is implemented.”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2007

“Translation: Shielding corporations from public accountability is good for the country, and the way that we can help shield them is through the Executive branch of the government, rather than working through the Legislative branch where the Democrats are now in power.”
-Skippy

“We must ensure that the money you send to Washington is spent wisely. Next Monday, I'm going to submit to Congress a budget that will eliminate the deficit by 2012. In order to do so, we need to set priorities in Washington. You can't try to be all things to all people when it comes to spending your money if you want to keep taxes low, keep the economy growing, and balance the budget.”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2007

“Translation: Though I came into office with the government having a budget surplus, now there is a massive deficit due to my trillion dollar wars and other issues.. The only way to solve this problem is to cut benefits to the poorest Americans.”
-Skippy

“I believe I need a line-item veto to help Congress spend money wisely.”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2007

“Translation: Though the vast majority of the current deficit is due to my actions, the only way to solve the problem is to give me more power.”
-Skippy

“The only way America can complete Doha and make headway on other trade agreements is to extent Trade Promotion Authority. This authority allows the President to negotiate complicated trade deals for our country, and then send them to Congress for an up or down vote on the whole agreement.”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2007

“Translation: Seriously, give me more power.”
-Skippy

“Across the country, business owners tell me that the cost of health care is their biggest problem, and it's becoming harder to provide coverage for their workers.
[…]
We created health savings accounts, which put patients in charge of their medical decisions and helps reduce the cost of their coverage. And I ask Congress to strengthen health savings accounts.”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2007

“Translation: If people on minimum wage would just save thousands of dollars in case they get sick it sure would be a lot easier on corporations.”
-Skippy

“We're spending money on cellulosic ethanol -- that's a fancy word for saying some day we're going to be able to convert switch grass into energy that powers your cars.”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2007

“Translation: I don’t really know what cellulosic ethanol is, but man do I love the idea of using grass..”
-Skippy

“In my State of the Union I set an ambitious goal of reducing gasoline usage in the United States by 20 percent over the next 10 years. If you want to become less dependent on oil, the quickest way to do so is to use less gasoline. Meeting this goal will require significant changes in supply and demand. On the demand side, we have got to reform our economy -- fuel economy standards, that will reduce the amount of gasoline that cars and SUVs consume. And on the supply side, I have proposed a new mandatory fuel standard that is nearly a fivefold increase over the current target for renewable and alternative fuels.
We'll leave it to the market to decide the mix of fuels that most effectively and efficiently meet this goal.”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2007

“Translation: I set a goal without any way of enforcing it.”
-Skippy

“Now, on sadder news, columnist Molly Ivins (coiner of Fearless Leader’s nickname of ‘Shrub’) died yesterday.”
-Skippy

“Molly Ivins, whose biting columns mixed liberal populism with an irreverent Texas wit, died at 5:30 p.m. Wednesday at her home in Austin after an up-and-down battle with breast cancer she had waged for seven years. She was 62.”
-Star-Telegram, January 31, 2007

“We are the people who run this country. We are the deciders. And every single day, every single one of us needs to step outside and take some action to help stop this war. Raise hell. Think of something to make the ridiculous look ridiculous. Make our troops know we're for them and trying to get them out of there. Hit the streets to protest Bush's proposed surge. If you can, go to the peace march in Washington on Jan. 27. We need people in the streets, banging pots and pans and demanding, ‘Stop it, now!’"
-Molly Ivins, January 12, 2007