Quotes of the Morning: Homer J. for the Rebuttal

‘I’m tired of always commenting. I’ll let Homer J. do it for me.”
-Skippy

"Being popular is the most important thing in the world!"
-Homer J. Simpson

“Each time I am invited to this rostrum, I am humbled by the privilege, and mindful of the history we have seen together. We have gathered under this Capitol dome in moments of national mourning and national achievement. We have served America through one of the most consequential periods of our history — and it has been my honor to serve with you.”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2006

"Bart, you're saying butt-kisser like it's a bad thing!"
-Homer J. Simpson

"Shut up, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!"
-Homer J. Simpson

“In a system of two parties, two chambers, and two elected branches, there will always be differences and debate. But even tough debates can be conducted in a civil tone, and our differences cannot be allowed to harden into anger. To confront the great issues before us, we must act in a spirit of good will and respect for one another — and I will do my part.”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2006

"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"
-Homer J. Simpson

"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."
-Homer J. Simpson

“Terrorists like bin Laden are serious about mass murder — and all of us must take their declared intentions seriously. They seek to impose a heartless system of totalitarian control throughout the Middle East, and arm themselves with weapons of mass murder. Their aim is to seize power in Iraq, and use it as a safe haven to launch attacks against America and the world. Lacking the military strength to challenge us directly, the terrorists have chosen the weapon of fear. When they murder children at a school in Beslan ... or blow up commuters in London ... or behead a bound captive ... the terrorists hope these horrors will break our will, allowing the violent to inherit the Earth.
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2006

"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night."
-Homer J. Simpson

“By allowing radical Islam to work its will — by leaving an assaulted world to fend for itself - we would signal to all that we no longer believe in our own ideals, or even in our own courage. But our enemies and our friends can be certain: The United States will not retreat from the world, and we will never surrender to evil.”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2006

"Lisa, stop that racket! I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. Easy, easy....I think I'll need a bigger drill."
-Homer J. Simpson

“We remain on the offensive against terror networks. We have killed or captured many of their leaders — and for the others, their day will come.”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2006

"The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten!!!"
-Homer J. Simpson

“Our work in Iraq is difficult, because our enemy is brutal. But that brutality has not stopped the dramatic progress of a new democracy. In less than three years, that nation has gone from dictatorship, to liberation, to sovereignty, to a constitution, to national elections. At the same time, our coalition has been relentless in shutting off terrorist infiltration, clearing out insurgent strongholds, and turning over territory to Iraqi security forces.”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2006

"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!"
-Homer J. Simpson

“I am confident in our plan for victory ... I am confident in the will of the Iraqi people ... I am confident in the skill and spirit of our military. Fellow citizens, we are in this fight to win, and we are winning.”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2006

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."
-Homer J. Simpson

“So to prevent another attack — based on authority given to me by the Constitution and by statute — I have authorized a terrorist surveillance program to aggressively pursue the international communications of suspected al-Qaida operatives and affiliates to and from America.”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2006

"Unfortunately, son, we Simpsons sometimes have to bend the rules a little in order to hold our own."
-Homer J. Simpson

“The Iranian government is defying the world with its nuclear ambitions — and the nations of the world must not permit the Iranian regime to gain nuclear weapons.”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2006

"If this were really a nuclear war we'd all be dead meat by now."
-Homer J. Simpson

“We must also change how we power our automobiles. We will increase our research in better batteries for hybrid and electric cars, and in pollution-free cars that run on hydrogen. We will also fund additional research in cutting-edge methods of producing ethanol, not just from corn but from wood chips, stalks, or switch grass. Our goal is to make this new kind of ethanol practical and competitive within six years.”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2006

"Uh, Lisa, the whole reason we have elected officials is so we don't have to think all the time. Just like that rainforest scare a few years back: our officials saw there was a problem and they fixed it, didn't they?"
-Homer J. Simpson

“The Supreme Court now has two superb new members, Chief Justice John Roberts and Justice Sam Alito. I thank the Senate for confirming both of them. And I will continue to nominate men and women who understand that judges must be servants of the law, and not legislate from the bench.”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2006

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."
-Homer J. Simpson

“Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research – human cloning in all its forms … creating or implanting embryos for experiments … creating human-animal hybrids…”
-George ‘Dubya’ Bush, January 31, 2006

"I'll handle this... the only danger in space is if we land on the terrible Planet of the Apes... wait a minute. Statue of Liberty... THAT WAS OUR PLANET! YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!"
-Homer J. Simpson

"I guess you might say he barking up the wrong...bush."
-Homer J. Simpson