Quotes of the Morning: God's Enforcer

“I have said last year that Israel was entering into the most dangerous period of its entire existence as a nation. That is intensifying this year with the loss of Sharon. Sharon was personally a very likeable person. I am sad to see him in this condition. But I think we need to look at the Bible and the Book of Joel. The prophet Joel makes it very clear that God has enmity against those who, quote, ‘divide my land.’ God considers this land to be his. You read the Bible, he says, ‘This is my land.’ And for any prime minister of Israel who decides he going carve it up and give it away, God says, ‘No. This is mine.’ And the same thing -- I had a wonderful meeting with Yitzhak Rabin in 1974. He was tragically assassinated, and it was terrible thing that happened, but nevertheless, he was dead. And now Ariel Sharon, who was again a very likeable person, a delightful person to be with. I prayed with him personally. But here he is at the point of death. He was dividing God's land, and I would say woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the EU, the United Nations or United States of America. God said, ‘This land belongs to me, you better leave it alone.’"
-Pat Robertson, The 700 Club, January 5, 2006

“Yep. Pat is back at it again. This time he’s saying that Ariel Sharon is dying because he tried to negotiate a settlement on the West Bank. You know, I’ve read my New Testament. I believe that Christ was a nice, compassionate, loving kind of guy. Apparently Pat’s version is closer to Don Corleone.”
-Skippy

"Would you join with me and many others in crying out to our Lord to change the court?.. One justice is 83 years old, another has cancer, and another has a heart condition. Would it not be possible for God to put it in the minds of these three judges that the time has come to retire?"
-Pat Robertson, July 2003

“Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson called on Monday for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, calling him a ‘terrific danger’ to the United States.
Robertson, founder of the Christian Coalition of America and a former presidential candidate, said on ‘The 700 Club’ it was the United States’ duty to stop Chavez from making Venezuela a ‘launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism.’”
-Associated Press, August 23, 2005

“I’d like to say to the good citizens of Dover. If there is a disaster in your area, don’t turn to God, you just rejected Him from your city. And don’t wonder why He hasn’t helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I’m not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that’s the case, don’t ask for His help because he might not be there.”
-Pat Robertson, November 10, 2005

“Now you will notice that what upset Pat the other day was that Mr. Sharon was dividing the Holy Land. From that you might believe that Pat is a big fan of the Jewish people, and that doesn’t want them to lose land or need to give in to their neighbors. You would be wrong. You see, Pat believes that the End Times are coming, when the Earth will be destroyed as part of the Second Coming (kind of like Terminator III, but without the cool robots and stuff). Part of the deal is that the end of the world can’t come unless Israel is united and the Temple is rebuilt. When that happens the End Times can come and God can send most of the Jews to Hell (except those that spontaneously convert to Christianity). As the old saying goes, ‘With friends like these, who needs enemies?’ He does have a few good, solid friends though.”
-Skippy

"I think George Bush is going to win in a walk. I really believe that I'm hearing from the Lord it's going to be like a blowout election of 2004. It's shaping up that way. The Lord has just blessed him. [...] I mean, he could make terrible mistakes and comes out of it. It doesn't make any difference what he does, good or bad. God picks him up because he's a man of prayer and God's blessing him."
-Pat Robertson, January 2, 2004

"I emphatically stated that I believe 'the blessing of heaven is upon him,' and I am persuaded that he will win this election and prevail on the war against terror in order to keep America safe from her avowed enemies."
-Pat Robertson, October 20, 2004

“Actually, maybe it’s Pat who should be saying the who ‘friends like these’ thing.. Maybe Pat just wasn’t paying attention to who he was rooting for. I mean, he has a lot on his mind.”
-Skippy

"How can there be peace when drunkards, drug dealers, communists, atheists, New Age worshipers of Satan, secular humanists, oppressive dictators, greedy money changers, revolutionary assassins, adulterers, and homosexuals are on top?"
-Pat Robertson, The New World Order, p.227

“Actually Pat, some of the homosexuals are ‘bottoms’. Just fyi..”
-Skippy