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Four Color Politics

Mainly the Quotes of the Morning, with occasional Other Crap.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Quotes of the Morning: I Like to Call it a 'Laser'

“Federal officials are concerned that terrorists could try to down aircraft by blinding pilots with laser beams during landing approaches.
A memo sent to law enforcement agencies recently by the FBI and the Homeland Security Department says there is evidence that terrorists have explored using lasers as weapons.
‘Although lasers are not proven methods of attack like improvised explosive devices and hijackings, terrorist groups overseas have expressed interest in using these devices against human sight,’ the memo said.
‘In certain circumstances, if laser weapons adversely affect the eyesight of both pilot and co-pilot during a non-instrument approach, there is a risk of airliner crash,’ the agencies said.”
-Associated Press, December 10, 2004

“Ah yes.. Terrorists with ‘lasers’. This is something that we have worried about for years. All it would take is a couple of terrorists with really big laser pointers, the ability to target both the pilot and the co-pilot while the vehicle in question is moving at several hundred miles per hour, and all of the instrumentation out, and there is a chance that it could take out a plane. Of course, so could a bomb, a missile or a couple of guys with box-cutters, but isn’t it more fun to worry about the sci-fi terror option?”

“Back in the 60's, I developed a weather changing machine which was in essence a sophisticated heat beam which we called a ‘laser’. Using these 'lasers' we'd punch a hole in the protective layer around the world which we called the 'ozone' layer. Slowly but surely ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk for skin cancer, that is...unless the world pays us a hefty ransom?”
-Dr. Evil

“You know, I have one simple request, and that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now, evidently, my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can't be done. Can you remind me what I pay you people for? Honestly, throw me a bone here!”
-Dr. Evil

“Mini-Me, stop humping the laser. God, why don't you and the great big laser get a frickin' room.”
-Dr. Evil


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