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Four Color Politics

Mainly the Quotes of the Morning, with occasional Other Crap.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Quotes of the Morning: The Guttenberg Report

“It is not secret that the situations in Iraq and Afghanistan are both disasters, so here to explain the situations are quotes from another great disaster: The film career of Steve Guttenberg. Enjoy.”

“My name is Lieutenant Harris, in case you missed it. This is Sergeant Callahan, in case you missed it. We are the meanest instructors here. We've got you because you are the worst people here. From now on, you are ‘D’ Squad; ‘D’ for ‘dirtbags.’ When I say: ‘Hey, dirtbags.’ that means you. I'm going to make you hate me for the rest of your lives.”
-Lieutenant Harris, Police Academy

“A $75 million project to build the largest police academy in Iraq has been so grossly mismanaged that the campus now poses health risks to recruits and might need to be partially demolished, U.S. investigators have found.”
-Washington Post, September 28, 2006

“Lieutenant Harris: You make me sick.

Carey Mahoney: Thank you, sir. I make everybody sick.”
-Police Academy

“The Baghdad Police College, hailed as crucial to U.S. efforts to prepare Iraqis to take control of the country's security, was so poorly constructed that feces and urine rained from the ceilings in student barracks. Floors heaved inches off the ground and cracked apart. Water dripped so profusely in one room that it was dubbed ‘the rain forest.’”
-Washington Post, September 28, 2006

“I'm an architect for Christ sake, I build 50 story skyscrapers, I assemble cities of the future, I can certainly put together a goddam diaper.”
-Peter Mitchell, Three Men and a Baby

“What do you think would be the problem with the Taliban if we left all those soldiers in Afghanistan? Do you think they’d have been a 50 percent increase in the heroin poppy or the opium poppy production? Do you think the women would be running around that country now, reportedly some of them are having to wear burqas again as the Taliban begins to reassert its influence? I don’t think so and, and I think both of these guys are probably reluctant to say, ‘You know President Bush, you’re part of the problem. You decided to invade Iraq.”
-Jack Cafferty, The Situation Room, CNN, September 27, 2006

“There's a quarter of a million dollars in heroin in the diaper pail and the new baby wipes are in the hall cabinet.”
-Peter Mitchell, Three Men and a Baby

“Peter, this is a girl. Should we be doing this?”
-Michael Kellam, Three Men and a Baby

“A U.S. Army investigator has recommended that four American soldiers who face charges in connection with the rape and killing of 14-year-old girl and the killing of her family face a court-martial, a lawyer in the case confirmed on Monday.”
-Associated Press, September 4, 2006

“I am thinking she is a virgin. Or at least she used to be.”
-Ben Jabituya, Short Circuit

“Howard Marner: What if it goes out and melts down a bus load of nuns? How would you like to write the headline on that one?

Benjamin Jabituya: Nun soup?”
-Short Circuit

“A federal judge rejected a gag order that could have kept lawyers and even President Bush from publicly discussing the rape and murder of a 14-year-old Iraqi girl and the slaying of her relatives.
U.S. District Judge Thomas Russell said there is ‘no reason to believe’ that a former soldier's right to a fair trial would be jeopardy.
In a ruling Thursday, Russell also ordered former Pvt. Steven D. Green, 21, to be arraigned Nov. 8 in federal court in Louisville.
Investigators say Green and four other soldiers from the Fort Campbell-based 101st Airborne Division plotted to rape the girl in the village of Mahmoudiya. Green is accused of being the triggerman in the shooting of three family members in a room of the girl's house before she was raped and killed.
Defense lawyers had asked the judge to silence a variety of people, from the attorneys in the case to Bush.”
-Associated Press, September 1, 2006

“The bodies of 40 men who were shot and had their hands and feet bound have been found in the capital over the past 24 hours, police said Thursday.
All the victims showed signs of torture, police Lt. Thayer Mahmoud said. They were dumped in several neighborhoods in both eastern and western Baghdad, he said.”
-Associated Press, September 28, 2006

“I'll hit you so hard, I'll kill your whole family.”
-Billy, Diner

“The compromise legislation does not seek to narrow U.S. obligations under the Geneva Conventions in the treatment of prisoners, as Bush had hoped. But it would give the executive branch substantial leeway in deciding how to comply with treaty obligations.
It would bar military commissions from considering testimony obtained through interrogation techniques that involve ‘cruel, unusual or inhumane treatment or punishment,’ which is proscribed by the 5th, 8th and 14th amendments to the Constitution. But the bar would be retroactive to Dec. 30, 2005, when Congress adopted the Detainee Treatment Act, sponsored by Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., to protect CIA operatives from being prosecuted over interrogation tactics used before then.”
-Washington Post and the New York Times, September 28, 2006

“Originally I had non-military purposes in mind. I designed it as a marital aid.”
-Newton Crosby, Short Circuit

“My feet were tied to that ring as I mentioned before. They then laid me out on my back and put the extra shackles on top of my hand shackles and pulled me by them forcefully and brutally in the opposite direction, towards my feet, while I was lying on my back. Then the investigator signaled to a soldier who [had] a pair of scissors in his hand to cut off all my clothes (sic). The soldiers cut off all my clothes, removed them and threw them in a corner of the room. The investigator then started taking off her clothes -- the soldier with the camera was filming everything. When she was in her underwear, she stood on top of me. She took off her underpants, she was wearing a sanitary towel, and drops of her menstrual blood fell on me and then she assaulted me.”
-Testimony of Guantánamo detainee Jumah al-Dossari, posted by Amnesty International, December 16, 2005

“With excitement like this, who is needing enemas?”
-Ben Jabituya, Short Circuit

“The House and Senate bills allow use of interrogation methods that would be tougher than what the military uses but do not specify what is permitted or banned.
Waterboarding, in which a prisoner is strapped to a board and made to believe he is drowning, would be banned, according to those who helped broker the deal. McCain allies and some human-rights advocates say sleep deprivation and exposure to extreme temperatures would be banned.”
-Washington Post and the New York Times, September 28, 2006

“Do you ever get the feeling that there's something going on that we don't know about?”
-Timothy Fenwick, Jr, Diner

“Attempting to confront criticism that the war in Iraq has made the world more dangerous by recruiting and training a new generation of terrorists, President Bush today ordered a public release of a summary of a classified National Intelligence Estimate that was made of the war against terrorism in April.
At the same time, Bush angrily complained of a leak that released a select finding of the NIE to newspapers over the weekend.
’Once again,’ Bush said angrily, ‘there's a leak out of our government, coming right down the stretch in this campaign, you know, to create confusion in the minds of the American people. In my judgment, it's why they leaked it…. You can read it for yourself. We'll stop all the speculation, all the politics about somebody saying something about Iraq, you know, somebody trying to confuse the American people about the nature of this enemy… Everybody can draw their own conclusions about what the report says.’
The White House has ordered Director of National Intelligence John Negroponte to release a summary of the report, once sensitive information about methods or sources is redacted.”
-Chicago Tribune, September 26, 2006

“Frankie, you broke the unwritten law. You ratted on your friends. When you do that Frankie, you're enemies don't respect you. You got no friends no more. You got nobody, Frankie.”
-Number 5, Short Circuit

“Descriptions of the National Intelligence Estimate had surfaced in newspapers over the weekend, the result of what the president called politically motivated leaks.
Director of National Intelligence John Negroponte released the summary Tuesday -- the first time a current N.I.E. has been declassified since the flawed 2002 Iraq estimate.
News of the classified document overshadowed the president's meeting with Afghanistan's President Hamid Karzai, who said his country was grateful for U.S. support.
‘I think it's a bad habit for our government to declassify every time there is a leak,’ President Bush said. ‘Because it means it will be difficult to get good product out of our analysts.’"
-NPR, All Things Considered, September 26, 2006

“Yes, I'd like to speak to one of your head warmongers, please.”
-Stephanie Speck, Short Circuit

“Central Ohio Thursday will get its second presidential visit this week.
On Tuesday, first lady Laura Bush was in Granville helping to raise money for Republican congressional candidate Joy Padgett.
Thursday afternoon, President George W. Bush will be in suburban Columbus for a fundraiser for GOP Rep. Deborah Pryce.
It's being held at the home of Limited Brands founder and CEO Leslie Wexner and his wife, Abigail. According to the invitation, admission to the reception is $1,500 per person and $2,100 per couple. A photo opportunity with the president costs $5,000.
The trip is the president's second to Ohio this week. He stopped in Cincinnati on Monday.”
-WHIOTV.com, September 28, 2006

“You're my favorite Martian.”
-Jack Bonner, Cocoon: The Return

“I make no apologies. My only regret is that I couldn’t find any decent quotes from The Day After.”


Blogger wittyknits said...

Skippy, the fact that you knew enough about this many Steve Guttenberg movies to do the research and put this together both impresses me, and at the same time, doesn't surprise me at all. :-)


6:17 AM  

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