Quotes of the Morning: Thank God for Abstinence

“Oh, enough of Rummy for the moment. Let’s talk about a different topic that polite conversation usually avoids: sex. Good news! The Administration for Children and Families, a branch of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, has announced new guidelines for those groups applying for grants for abstinence-only education programs. Finally the federal government has given us clear and concise information about what should be taught..”
-Skippy

“Abstinence curricula must have a clear definition of sexual abstinence which must be consistent with the following: ‘Abstinence means voluntarily choosing not to engage in sexual activity until marriage. Sexual activity refers to any type of genital contact or sexual stimulation between two persons including, but not limited to, sexual intercourse.’”
-Administration for Children and Families

“You see, abstinence means having no sexual activity at all until marriage. That makes sense. I mean, we all can agree that not having any sex at all is the surest way to avoid pregnancy or STDs, so if everyone saves themselves for marriage we’ll all be fine. Who could complain about that?”
-Skippy

“Throughout the entire curriculum, the term ‘marriage’ must be defined as ‘only a legal union between one man and one woman as a husband and wife, and the word ’spouse’ refers only to a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife.’ (Consistent with Federal law)”
-Administration for Children and Families

“Hmm.. Apparently federally funded abstinence-only education means telling gays and lesbians that they aren’t allowed to have sex.. ever. That makes sense.. I mean, just think of how many of those promiscuous gay and lesbian kids end up with ruined lives from accidentally getting pregnant. Teaching them to just suck it up (so to speak) and ignore their sexual urges for the rest of their lives seems reasonable. We just need to make sure that the kids get pure, valid, helpful advice on sexuality. Stuff that won’t get them into problems, like information about condoms or other forms of birth control would. I think that teaching them that sex is evil and wrong until they have a piece of jewelry on their finger (at which point it suddenly becomes beautiful and wholesome) is the way to go. What could go wrong?”
-Skippy

“Several million children ages 9 to 18 have participated in the more than 100 federal abstinence programs since the efforts began in 1999. [Rep. Henry] Waxman's staff reviewed the 13 most commonly used curricula -- those used by at least five programs apiece.
The report concluded that two of the curricula were accurate but the 11 others, used by 69 organizations in 25 states, contain unproved claims, subjective conclusions or outright falsehoods regarding reproductive health, gender traits and when life begins. In some cases, Waxman said in an interview, the factual issues were limited to occasional misinterpretations of publicly available data; in others, the materials pervasively presented subjective opinions as scientific fact.
Among the misconceptions cited by Waxman's investigators:
• A 43-day-old fetus is a ‘thinking person.’
• HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, can be spread via sweat and tears.
• Condoms fail to prevent HIV transmission as often as 31 percent of the time in heterosexual intercourse.
One curriculum, called ‘Me, My World, My Future,’ teaches that women who have an abortion ‘are more prone to suicide’ and that as many as 10 percent of them become sterile. This contradicts the 2001 edition of a standard obstetrics textbook that says fertility is not affected by elective abortion, the Waxman report said.”
[…]
Some course materials cited in Waxman's report present as scientific fact notions about a man's need for ‘admiration’ and ‘sexual fulfillment’ compared with a woman's need for ‘financial support.’ One book in the ‘Choosing Best’ series tells the story of a knight who married a village maiden instead of the princess because the princess offered so many tips on slaying the local dragon. ‘Moral of the story,’ notes the popular text: ‘Occasional suggestions and assistance may be alright, but too much of it will lessen a man's confidence or even turn him away from his princess.’"
-Washington Post, December 2, 2004

“And we wouldn’t want the Man to feel, well, unmanly.. l’m sure there may be some little problems with a few of the programs, but isn’t it worth it to get those Hallmark moments of innocence and purity? I mean look at Purity Balls.. No, get your mind out of the gutter. Purity Balls are lovely dances where daddies and their young daughters get together to dance and have fun. The girls say this.."
-Skippy

“..[I promise] to remain sexually pure...until the day I give myself as a wedding gift to my husband. ... I know that God requires this of me.. that he loves me. and that he will reward me for my faithfulness.”
-Purity Ball, Sioux Springs, South Dakota, as reported by NOW, April 14, 2006

“Aw.. Doesn’t it just tug at the heartstrings when little girls pledge to their fathers to make themselves an object to be given to their future husbands? Sniff.. I’m tearing up. God bless abstinence-only education.”
-Skippy