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Four Color Politics

Mainly the Quotes of the Morning, with occasional Other Crap.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Quotes of the Morning: No One Can be Told What the Science Is.

“Morpheus: You have to let it all go, Neo. Fear, doubt, and disbelief. Free your mind.”
-the Matrix

“At the risk of re-igniting the same heated nationwide debate it sparked six years ago, the Kansas Board of Education approved new public school science standards Tuesday that cast doubt on the theory of evolution.
The 6-4 vote was a victory for ‘intelligent design’ advocates who helped draft the standards. Intelligent design holds that the universe is so complex that it must have been created by a higher power.”
-CNN, November 8, 2005

“And that higher power was, of course, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, who created all of us with his divine Noodly Appendage. I can only pray that Bob Dobbs (patron saint of the Church of the Subgenius) will intercede for us and protect us from being tricked by the Science.”

“The challenged concepts cited include the basic Darwinian theory that all life had a common origin and the theory that natural chemical processes created the building blocks of life.
In addition, the board rewrote the definition of science, so that it is no longer limited to the search for natural explanations of phenomena.”
-CNN, November 8, 2005

“And I personally think that changing the definition of words like ‘science’ or ‘torture’ or ‘treason’ or ‘restoring dignity to the White House’ is a doubleplusgood thing. Science should include other things than searching for natural explanations of phenomena. I think that it should also include ping pong. Man, I’d have a doctorate if science included ping pong.”

“John Calvert, a lawyer who runs the Intelligent Design Network, based in Kansas, praised the board as ‘taking a very courageous step’ that would ‘make science education interesting to students rather than boring.’"
-New York Times, November 8, 2005

“That’s what I’m saying. They’re going at it the wrong way though. Intelligent design isn’t going to make it interesting on its own. We need action to keep the kids attention. We need car chases and explosions. We need a bass-beat techno album blasting in the background. We need to give the kids the mother-funking red pill and let them see that the world around them is created by a higher frigging power!”

“Morpheus: I see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up. Ironically, that's not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Neo?

Neo: No.
Morpheus: Why not?
Neo: Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life.
Morpheus: I know *exactly* what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Neo: The Matrix.
Morpheus: Do you want to know what it is?
Neo: Yes.
Morpheus: The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work... when you go to church... when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Morpheus: That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else you were born into bondage. Into a prison that you cannot taste or see or touch. A prison for your mind.”
-The Matrix

“And thankfully the Kansas State Board of Education will continue to make sure that your mind is safely imprisoned where it can’t harm anyone. Whew. Unfortunately Dover, PA, did not fare as well. All eight members of the school board, which was pushing similar legislation, were voted out in the last election, and God (or possibly the Flying Spaghetti Monster) is pissed.”

“I’d like to say to the good citizens of Dover. If there is a disaster in your area, don’t turn to God, you just rejected Him from your city. And don’t wonder why He hasn’t helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I’m not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that’s the case, don’t ask for His help because he might not be there.”
-Pat Robertson, November 10, 2005

“Sure, God might be pissed at Dover, and may do one of those ‘Sodom and Gomorrah’ things he’s so well known for, but the Flying Spaghetti Monster will always be there to forgive his people and sprinkle parmesan from Heaven in their time of need. Thank you Flying Spaghetti Monster, and we welcome you into the Kansas school system.”


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