Quotes of the Morning

“Now that Rita has come and gone with luckily much less pain than originally feared (though still devastating, we still have Houston), here is the lighter side of disaster. Enjoy.”
-Skippy

"But Hurricane Rita, I mean, that doesn't sound powerful. Even Katrina, you see what I'm saying? We need hurricane names that let you know how unpredictable and dangerous they are. Like Hurricane Courtney Love."
-Jay Leno

"In a speech today about Hurricane Rita, President Bush declared, quote, 'This is a big storm.' In related news, the White House announced earlier today that the president is writing his own speeches."
-Conan O'Brien

"Bush is keeping track of Hurricane Rita as it hits his home state of Texas. That's Bush's worst nightmare: an electric chair with no power."
-Jay Leno

"Hurricane Rita is supposed to make landfall in Texas, which is good for Barbara Bush because she can insult survivors closer to home."
-Bill Maher

"Yesterday President Bush made his fifth visit to the area that received the most damage from Hurricane Katrina. In other words, the White House."
-Conan O'Brien

"The president believes the government should be limited not in size, Jon, but in effectiveness. In terms of effectiveness, this is the most limited government we've ever had."
-Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

"Now here's some sad information coming out of Washington. According to reports, President Bush may be drinking again. And I thought, `Well, why not? He's got everybody else drinking.'"
-David Letterman

"Yesterday the Texas Air National Guard was recalled from Louisiana. President Bush said these brave men and women should be commended for all the work they do. Of course, Bush didn't know firsthand knowledge of what it was the Air National Guard actually does, but he heard it was important."
-Jay Leno

"We begin with Hurricane Rita, which proved the old rule that no matter how anticipated, sequels are always less compelling than the original. ... Rita, I feel, was the Ghostbusters II of hurricanes."
-Jon Stewart

“And now for one that isn’t so much a joke as it is just sadly funny.”
-Skippy

“US forces have fired so many bullets in Iraq and Afghanistan - an estimated 250,000 for every insurgent killed - that American ammunition-makers cannot keep up with demand. As a result the US is having to import supplies from Israel.
A government report says that US forces are now using 1.8 billion rounds of small-arms ammunition a year. The total has more than doubled in five years, largely as a result of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, as well as changes in military doctrine.”
-The Independent (UK), September 25, 2005

“You know, I used to think that it was funny that the storm troopers in Star Wars were such bad shots. They were, apparently, marksmen compared to our military. If a bullet weighs 5 grams (a lightweight bullet.. higher caliber bullets of course weigh more), then 250,000 bullets would weigh 1,250 kg, or 2,756 pounds (heck lets just round it up to 1.38 tons). I’m trying to figure out how the troops actually manage to carry enough ammo to kill someone. Oh, and to keep this in perspective, 1.8 billion rounds is 19.84 million pounds of ammunition (9,920 tons), and that is just small-arms ammunition. Are we winning yet?”
-Skippy