Quotes of the Morning: Killer Dolphins... Seriously

“It may be the oddest tale to emerge from the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Armed dolphins, trained by the US military to shoot terrorists and pinpoint spies underwater, may be missing in the Gulf of Mexico.
Experts who have studied the US navy’s cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying ‘toxic dart’ guns. Divers and surfers risk attack, they claim, from a species considered to be among the planet’s smartest. The US navy admits it has been training dolphins for military purposes, but has refused to confirm that any are missing.”
-The Observer (UK), September 25, 2005

“Kent: Um... did I say killer dolphins, I meant... killer... Italians! Grey, bottlenosed, intelligent Italians.
Homer: Intelligent Italians? Something's wrong.”
-Simpsons, Treehouse of Horror XI

“Chief Wiggum: Hmm, Bottlenose bruises. Blowhole burns. Flipper prints. This looks like the work of rowdy teens.”
-Simpsons, Treehouse of Horror XI

“My God! We armed dolphins to kill! (Kudos on adding a whole new market for arms dealing throughout the world). How can we save ourselves from their flippers of wrath?”
-Skippy

“You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that cannot be done. Ah, would you remind me what I pay you people for, honestly? Throw me a bone here! What do we have?”
-Dr. Evil

“You see.. That’s funny. I mean, come on, we’re arming dolphins with weapons. That’s just a silly thing. Almost as silly as this.”
-Skippy

“CBS News correspondent Gloria Borger reports that Michael Brown, who recently resigned as the head of the FEMA, has been rehired by the agency as a consultant to evaluate its response following Hurricane Katrina.”
-CBS News, September 26, 2005

"Brown is continuing to work at the Federal Emergency Management Agency at full pay, with his Sept. 12 resignation not taking effect for two more weeks, said Homeland Security Department spokesman Russ Knocke."
-Associated Press, September 26, 2005

“We’ve continued to pay (and actually rehired) the guy who padded his resume and screwed up the response to Katrina. We rehired him to evaluate the response to Katrina. The thing that he helped screw up. If you hear a loud popping noise, that’s just my brain exploding.”
-Skippy

“President Bush, noting that lots of people want to talk to the president and ‘it's also important for me to go on with my life,’ on Saturday defended his decision not to meet with the grieving mom of a soldier killed in Iraq.”
-Cox News Service, August 14, 2005

“Quimby: People, please! We're all frightened and horny. But we can't let can't let some killer dolphins keep us from living and scoring.”
-Simpsons, Treehouse of Horror XI